The hemming in

My third dose was on Friday, September 1, and it was fine, just not very blog-worthy. Because my back was still quite swollen from the surgery, my doctor used an ultrasound machine to find the reservoir and be precise with the injection. At this point, I have noticed some increased strength and flexibility in my fingers and thumbs... which is definitely encouraging! I'm hoping to continue to see progress there, and maybe attempt some of my old handicraft hobbies again this winter, like crochet and cross-stitch. I found out that my neurologist likes to cross-stitch pictures of the brain... maybe I'll try that, in honor of her support?

The following Tuesday, I had my one-month check-up with the neurosurgeon. I almost didn't go, as I felt like I'd spent enough time at the hospital for one summer. But I do like my neurosurgeon, and thought it would be nice to have him see how well I'm doing... except for that annoying swelling that just won't go down, and those nagging pressure headaches when I lay down. I suppose it's a good thing that I went to the appointment, because when I told him about my two little inconveniences, he took a look at my back and declared (with some displeasure) that I still had a CSF leak from the area where he had placed the tube in my vertebrae. Apparently, I am more active than he anticipated, and didn't lay still long enough for it to fully heal. He explained that he had put some extra muscle tissue around the tube, but that it needed time to heal and seal up the gap where the fluid leaked out.

He gave me immediate orders to take a week off work and lay flat on my bed. I nearly cried, and told him I really couldn't take that much time off - I had too much to do! So he said, "Two days, then. We'll see how you are after two days. I want to see you here again a week from today." So I took my two days off and did what he said. On Thursday afternoon, I called to give an update. Better, but still swollen, still getting headaches. He told me to stay in bed until my appointment on Tuesday - sneaky little bugger, ended up making me stay in bed a week anyway! Then the ominous news: "If I'm not pleased with the progress by then, we may have to do another surgery."

Oh God, please not that. 

There was a shift in my spirit. I could feel fear and frustration and anxiety and despair begin to creep in. Stillness and silence can be a breeding ground for all sorts of psychological and spiritual battles. I had this surgery - I was getting these treatments - in hopes of being stronger and more active, and here I was, able to do nothing at all but lay down and wait. I needed to proactively fight the brooding darkness... so I prayed for help and grace and courage.

And then I sang. I mean, a lot. And loud. For...hours. I sang praise songs, songs of hope and truth. And I felt my spirit lift and embrace joy. During this time, God brought to my mind this verse:

And it comforted me. I thought of Jesus using his personal sewing kit and stitching up all the gaps in my back where spinal fluid was leaking out, and then stitching up all the gaps in my spirit where trust and hope was leaking out. I claimed this verse in the most literal way I could, trusting that he has and he will hem me in. It was the sweetest and most intimate time I've spent with my Savior in a while. As difficult as it is for me to be still, that's exactly what I needed, to remember that it is God who heals, who redeems, and who makes all things beautiful in his time.

The week finally ended, and my second appointment was much better. The swelling has gone down quite a bit and my headaches are gone. The surgeon was pleased, and said I could return to work, as long as I tried to rest and lay down as often as possible. I am trying my best! The next injection is September 29, and the surgeon has requested to be present for that to check my progress. Please pray for continued healing in the meantime!

The Superfruit of the Spirit

Recently at my home church, we've been studying the "Fruit of the Spirit," as it is laid out in Galatians 5:22-23 - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. We've been learning how Christ is the perfect example of all of these attributes, and how our lives will bear this good fruit in an authentic way when we abide in Him, and submit ourselves to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

In my personal Bible study time, I've been doing a word study, with the term "grace." I decided I wanted to really understand this word on a deeper and richer level than ever before. I could tell you what grace is not. Grace is not an afterthought, and it is not a free pass. And I could tell you the definition of grace - getting something good that we don't deserve. But I want to become more knowledgeable and more passionate about what grace is - its essence and significance. 

In the Old Testament, it seems like grace is something that is asked for, found, and bestowed. (Yes! There is amazing grace in the Old Testament!) In John 1, grace is embodied in Jesus himself. In Acts, grace is the evidence of the powerful work of the Holy Spirit in the evangelists and early believers.

But this week, I was reading the mentions of grace in Romans 5, and it hit me: Grace is the Superfruit of the Spirit! Check this out:

"But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! Nor can the gift of God be compared with the result of one man’s sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!

The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death,so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."
In the "health and nutrition" realm, basically all fruit is good for you in some way. But some fruits are labeled "superfruits," because they are abundant with many really great things your body needs, like antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals... things that will help you live a longer, stronger, healthier, happier life. You may not even realize that some of your favorite fruits are considered superfruits - like apples and bananas! 

With that in mind, I realized that even though "grace" is not listed in the famous Fruit of the Spirit list, it is all over that list! Grace happens through and because of love, it brings joy and peace, it is so often synonymous with patience and kindness, it is given out of goodness and gentleness, it is a discipline that is produced from faithfulness and self-control. 

It is so powerful that it conquers the curse of sin! It is the key to salvation! It is a gift that God freely and abundantly gives to us. It fills us and empowers us to do amazing things. It is meant to overflow from our lives to others, in our speech, attitudes, and actions. 

When we bear the fruit of grace in our lives, it is the greatest, most powerful testimony of salvation, redemption, and transformation that others can see. And it is so crazy, so supernatural, that it cannot be credited to anyone or anything but Jesus. 

All About the New Book

I teach English as a Second Language. I love international people, I love learning about other cultures, I love words and grammar (yes this is true!), and I love to teach. Ergo, the ESL education realm is my happy place. But my other (and even bigger) passion is Jesus Christ - I love studying the Bible, learning more about Him, and sharing the beauty and hope of the gospel with others. The great question I have struggled with for the past 8 years is, how can I most effectively combine my passions to love and serve other people? 

About three years ago, I was complaining to my roommate that I could not find an ESL curriculum anywhere that was the perfect resource for what I wanted to accomplish in ministry. In response, she said something incredibly wise and challenging: "Then why don't you write it yourself?" That sparked an idea, which grew into a huge project for me, which I have invested much brain- and heart-power in for the past two years.  

As a word-nerd, I find myself studying the word choices and the structures of the phrases in the Bible. What words are most often repeated? What verb tenses are used? Why is a certain phrase passive or active? What is the purpose behind the prepositions? The more I study these details of language in the Bible, the more rich the stories become for me... so why not use those details to teach English language learners? Instead of trying to separate the English lesson from the Bible lesson, I wanted to combine them and actually use the Bible as the primary English learning resource.

As a tutor and teacher, I have found it very difficult to find a one-size-fits-all curriculum... textbooks tend to be divided into Beginner, Intermediate, and Advanced levels, but what if you want to teach a multi-level group of students? And what if a student is a great speaker, but struggles to write a paragraph? And what if you have one-on-one sessions with several different students who are at different proficiency levels? And what if a textbook works great for one class, but the very next class cannot relate to the content? I knew if I wrote a curriculum, I wanted it to be flexible enough to be used with one or twenty students, on any and all levels of proficiency. 

As a Bible student, I couldn't find a Bible lesson series that really covered stories in a chronological way that connected events and characters to each other. Most series I looked at would jump from creation, to Noah, to Abraham and Isaac, to Moses, to David... and it made me sad that they were missing so many precious details in between - things that reveal the gospel of grace and mercy and justice and redemption! So when I decided to write a Bible series, I was committed to making the gospel the primary focus.

So the first volume is 30 lessons on the major events of the book of Genesis. (I have five other volumes outlined, to cover the rest of the Bible.) For each lesson, there are seven pages:

1. Teacher Planning - Instead of making a separate teacher manual, I've made a page of suggested materials and activities that the teacher can use to aid in learning and understanding the English concepts and gospel truths. 

2. Illustration - Original black-and-white artwork by myself and my friend, Josh Malchuk, each one depicting a major event in the story, and contains images of new vocabulary 

3. Vocabulary - New and review words, character names, and pre-reading questions

4. Story - Simplified interpretation of the story, with the Bible reference - 15-25 sentences

5. Verbs - Chart of all the verbs in the story and their tenses, and mini-lesson with practice

6. Sentence Structures - Mini-lesson on some aspect of the grammar in the story, with writing practice 

7. Comprehension - Cloze (fill-in-the-blank) version of the story, and thought/application discussion questions

The pages are designed to appeal to different proficiency levels... If your student has no English background, only use the Illustration page with them, pointing to objects and giving single-word vocabulary and acting it out to tell the story. If your student is more Intermediate, add the Vocab, Story, and Verbs pages.  If your student is Advanced, add the Sentence Structure and Comprehension pages. Or adjust the amount of work to cater to the unique proficiency and learning style of your student! 

So here it is, available for $30 on Amazon.com! If you are interested in teaching English and the Bible at the same time, please order one today and try it out. I would love to see churches offer Bible studies or Sunday school classes with this, or even have tutors use it in homes for one-on-one or small group instruction. International students who are Christians might enjoy going through familiar stories in a new language, and students who are not Christians might find this an interesting and academic way to learn more about the Bible. I hope students will gain confidence in their English skills and be encouraged by the good news of the Lord through these lessons.

Think about this: What is Just?

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." - Philippians 4:8, ESV

Of all the adjectives in this verse, this one has been the most challenging for me to think of. In this world, it is much easier to point out injustice than it is to find true justice, isn't it? There are plenty of blogs and news reports and protest demonstrations that very loudly think about the unjust things around us.

I've been thinking about it a lot recently, because my mom and I love watching the TV show, "Blue Bloods," a story about an Irish-Catholic family in New York City - the father is the police commissioner, one son is a homicide detective, another son is a police officer, and the daughter is an assistant district attorney... so they all work in their specialty to try to accomplish the same goal: justice. But it's a hard reality to pin down, and despite their best efforts, they constantly face obstacles like politics, unreliability, revenge, and the limits of the law.

We might all say that we want justice - the good rewarded, the bad punished. But when issues become personal, justice feels like a question mark that leads to no right and good answer, and we squirm under the weight of responsibility in deciding what is just. Consider the symbol we often associate with justice: an expressionless, blind-folded figure, with a sword in one hand and a pair of scales in the other. Justice is a terrifying thing... with no room for mercy, compassion, or grace.

I tried to think of examples in the Bible of God's justice... and it's difficult for me. Not that God isn't just - I absolutely know that He is - but even in reading the stories, I can't understand his justice. When I read about wars and loss and curses and captivity and pain, I'm tempted to question God's justice. But then I remember that blind-folded statue, and I remember the terrible truth of Romans 3:23 (and the whole of chapter 3, at that), and realize that if true justice was served, that sword in her hand would cut down every single one of us without hesitation or selection. We are, by nature, objects of wrath. In light of this, the Old Testament becomes a surprisingly heart-wrenching picture of the mercy of God! 

But then... where is the justice of God? Many prophets asked this question, and God told them to wait, be patient, because it will come. The scales will tip and the sword will fall. The only thing that will tip those scales in our favor is the saving blood of Jesus Christ, and the only shield that will protect us from that sword is our faith in Him. He is the defining edge of right and wrong. The story of true and ultimate justice comes in the end - Revelation 20-21 - when every evil will be destroyed and everything will be made right. 

This realization came to me the other day as I listened to the song "The Reckoning," by Andrew Peterson. As one who has been rescued and redeemed, I praise God for his mercy and patience - for holding back his righteous wrath for as long as he has... and I worship him for his power and justice, which he has promised one day to reveal in all his glory. 

Whatever is just... think about these things.

Vocabulary word: "Home"

I've been working on writing 30 full-length ESL lessons on the book of Genesis. It's a fun project I gave myself a while ago, because I find that I learn deeper things from familiar passages when I pick apart the language, one kernel at a time.

Today I was scrounging around in the story of Cain and Abel... When God pronounces the curse on Cain as punishment for his sin, one piece of the curse is that he will be a "restless wanderer on the earth" (Gen 4:12). I'm writing these lessons on a beginner English proficiency level, so trying to limit the vocabulary as much as possible without losing the meaning or significance is a constant (and delightful) challenge.

In this lesson, I was trying to introduce how to express negatives for nouns and verbs. I already introduced the word "rest" in lesson 1 - because God rested on the seventh day, so in this lesson (lesson 4), I was able to say: "You will not rest."

But I prayed for a while about how to express the wandering. I finally decided to say "You will have no home." The interesting thing about the word "home" is that it is somewhat abstract. You can show a picture of a house, a hut, an apartment, or a castle. But home is - dare I use the cliche?? - where the heart is. It isn't confined to a building or geographical location. (That's why we say "Go to school, go to the hospital, go to my house... go home."To is directional, and home does not necessarily have direction.) Think about all those songs that talk about home... it's where your family and loved ones are; it's where you feel comfortable and at peace and welcomed. Home is where you know you belong.

I love teaching this word as an English vocabulary term, because people understand it. Many of the students I've had nod their heads and blink misty eyes as they learn the word, mentally going back to some far away place of love and peace and comfort - sometimes it's a place or time that they don't think they will ever be able to return to, and sometimes it's a new experience that is bringing hope and life to them again. I'm sure as you read this, you know exactly what "home" means to you... I know I do.

Now take that beautiful word, that concept that is universally cherished, and go back to that curse that Cain bore for the rest of his restless life... "no home." I can almost hear his voice quiver and crack as he huddles in the dirt and says, "My punishment is more than I can bear." Take a moment to feel the heartbreaking tragedy of it. Remember that Adam and Eve felt the same way when they were sent out of the garden. And the children of Israel, who lived as refugees and slaves and exiles and strangers in foreign lands for so many years, felt it too. No home to call their own... no home.

Imagine the effect the promise of God must have had on Abram's heart when he heard the words: "I will give you this land... Your descendants will inherit this land." Essentially, I will give you a home where you belong. And he made his home there, but he knew it wasn't his true home...

"...he lived in tents... for he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God..." And he left a legacy for those who have followed his example of faith: "All these people... admitted that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own... they were longing for a better country - a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them." (Hebrews 11:9-10, 13-16)

It's one of those bits of eternity that I think God planted in the hearts of Man, a longing for a home. And sometimes we get glimpses of it here on earth, but there is a much better home being prepared for us, if we put our faith in Jesus. I love that it is one of those promises Jesus made to his friends when he said he had to go away... that he would prepare a place - a home - for them and come back for them, so they could be together forever. Home - hallelujah.

A little woman with a BIG God!

This week I had the privilege of being a part of the annual Vacation Bible School at my home church in North Carolina. It is one of the best things we do at the church, because everyone shows up with their creativity, organization, great attitudes, eagerness to serve, and all the energy they can muster - it is definitely a beautiful picture of the body of Christ working together for the glory of God in our community. 

We don't use any packaged or pre-designed VBS kits... our group always makes up their own theme, memory verse schedule, games, snacks, crafts, songs, contests, and prizes. This year, the story for the week was about the life of the missionary to China, Gladys Aylward: "A Little Woman with a Big God." (Amazing story that I highly recommend, if you haven't heard it!) 

I was a "floating" volunteer, so I helped with check-in, memory verses, prayer room, and counting money. The kids had a "penny march" - brought pennies every night, to raise money for Samaritan's Purse: Operation Christmas Child. They were supposed to put their pennies in two buckets - for the "Boys" and "Girls" - and weigh them to see which group won each night. Superhuman things happen when you set up a contest between little boys and girls! Thing is, the last two nights, there were SO many pennies, the buckets were too heavy to weigh! These 60+ kids raised over $1600 for this great ministry! In the end the boys won, and got to throw cream pies in one of the girl volunteer's faces (not mine!).

Me, Richard, and my nephews at the VBS registration table!

The story of Gladys was really refreshing to me... God was able to do some pretty amazing things through her just because she was obedient to him. She used every opportunity God put in front of her to share the Good News because that was what her whole focus was - she wanted people to know that God loved them, especially people who had never heard it before. She was small and not very physically strong, and not what anyone would consider ideal for an uncharted mission field. But by telling the story of Jesus to mule drivers, and women whose feet she unbound, and children she rescued from the streets, and prisoners who were rioting, and monks in the mountains, she was able to spread the Good News all over the world!

I want to be like that. I want to be so focused on the Good News that I take every opportunity to talk about it, and share it with everyone I meet. Most of all, I want to honor the Lord by obeying his call to go and make disciples to the ends of the earth, and see him do great and mighty things because of his great love for us. I'm a little woman with a big God too!

Kingdom of Heaven

"Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near!"

What a way for Jesus to enter into ministry, to explode onto the scene. No bushes to beat around. Just truth, and a call to action: The kingdom is here - Jesus, Emmanuel, God in flesh, the King of all Kings, is in our presence. So stop your mediocre way of living, turn around, and do a new thing.

I've been thinking about this Kingdom that Jesus talked so much about. "The kingdom of heaven is like..." and then he goes into all sorts of comparisons and parables, involving seeds, trees, banquets, fields, managers, and treasure. At times I get confused about the relationship of the Kingdom to these things. But when I look at all of them together, like a collage, and it looks like Jesus is saying, "Here's what life looks like when you allow me to be your King." And it's good news - it's full, abundant, crazy, beautiful, amazing life, so much bigger than life we could ever have without him.

In the past year, I've written a few short stories, and they all have this theme in common, of a King and a Kingdom, and what happens when characters become a part of it. I'd like to spend the next few weeks sharing these stories with you here on my blog, in small doses daily. Each week, I'm gonna post one story over a span of 4-5 days, beginning on Sunday.

I know a lot of you are artistic, and want to give you an opportunity to interact and respond to the stories, so if you read something and are inspired to create something (illustration, poem, song, etc) to go along with one of the stories, send it to me by that Friday and I'll post it on Saturday as an extension. I hope you'll do this! Would love to see what you come up with!

Hold fast

"Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you..." - I Corinthians 15:1-2a 

Last night at community group, the question was asked, "What does it look like to hold fast to Jesus?" I didn't say anything, but my mind was flipping through a vast collection of adventure stories I've seen and read, and that moment when the hero is holding on to something for life - whether he's holding on to a rope to keep from falling or holding on to a precious treasure to keep it out of the hands of the enemy... regardless of the situation, here's what I realized: when you are holding fast to something, you don't have energy or strength or resources to hold on to anything else. The moment you try, you slip, fumble, or fall. "Holding fast" is an all-or-nothing kind of commitment. We're all holding fast to something, it's just a matter of what, and is it worth it.

In Corinthians, Paul encourages the Church to hold fast to the word he preached - the gospel... the Good News... the Word of God... Jesus. So to me, holding fast to Jesus means letting go of everything else. If you grew up in a Christian context like I did, that may sound cliche. But I keep finding myself grasping for other things. Even as I declare that I only need Jesus, that he truly satisfies, my hands reach out in hope for something else. Lately, I wake from my dreams at night to find my fingernails digging deep into my palms because I'm clinching my fists so tight, around... what? Sometimes it is a fight, a struggle, to hold fast to Jesus, to choose to trust him above all else.

On the flip side, it is sometimes terrifying to let go of something else in order to take hold of Jesus. At least for me, it is easier to hold fast to something that I know and am comfortable with than to let it go and trust that Jesus will be even better. And wow, even as I write that, I am shocked at my lack of faith. Don't you know Him at all? How can you even question his sufficiency and supremacy? 

One of my favorite scenes in the book, The Princess Bride, is the "snow sand" - when Buttercup falls through the sand and Westley grabs a vine and jumps in to rescue her... and the vine is too short. He has to make a choice - save himself by holding on to the vine, or let go to reach her and risk losing both of their lives in the process. I love how the author writes the response: "Westley let go of the vine without a qualm, because he had come too far to fail now..." I tend to panic when God tells me to let go of things that, to me, look like life. God, what if I let go and... fears of loneliness, failure, and deaths of dreams make an eternity of floating through snow sand look pleasant. But if I love Jesus as passionately as Westley loved Buttercup, then I should have no qualms in letting go in order to be with Him.

The good news is that Jesus is worth holding fast to. He is the vine that is never too short, the branch that will never break, the rope that will not fray. And what is even better about Jesus is that when I lose strength and cannot hold on, he holds on to me and will not let me go. When I choose to receive and stand on and hold fast to his promises, He will hold fast to me as his child.

One, Two, Three

Mile log: 806

Yesterday, Pam and Andy got married. Such a blessing to be in their lives and a part of their wedding. They had a cord-braiding ceremony, based on the verse in Ecclesiastes that says, "A cord of three strands is not easily broken," and they asked me to write a little something to explain/express that concept. So here it is... 

“One, Two, Three”
from Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

by C.L. Chandler

for Andy and Pam Leeper, 9/28/13

Two are better than one…

If either of them falls down,

One can help the other up          

-              So I commit to love and support you

                to be constant, gracious, and strong

when you are weak.

When you stumble and fall,

I will lift you up again.

When you cannot find your way,

I will shine the Light for you.

When you forget who you are,

 I will remind you of the truth.

Two are better than one…

If two lie down together,

They will keep warm                     

-              So we commit to serve each other

to compliment and enrich
both of our lives.

Let us lie close together to stay warm.

Let us lean on each other to gain courage.

Let us walk in step together to discover

the joy in the journey.

Two are better than one…

Though one may be overpowered,

Two can defend themselves      

-              So we commit to work together

                as partners, to fight for what is sacred.

What the enemy tries to steal, we will protect.

What he seeks to kill, we will rescue.

What he wants to destroy, we will defend.

Three are better than two…

And a cord of three strands

Is not quickly broken                     

-              So we commit our lives to Christ

                who is greater than us,

and makes us complete in Him.

Please weave us into Your glorious plan

so we will trust You.

Intertwine our lives tightly into Yours

so we may not be loosed.

Precious Jesus, bind us together

so we cannot be undone.

Days of Awe

This week we got to share the celebration of Rosh Hashanah with some friends of ours at our house. This is the second time we've celebrated this holiday, and I really love it... But I just learned that the ten days between Rosh Hashanah (The New Year) and Yom Kippur (The Day of Atonement) are called "The Days of Awe," or "Days of Repentance." These are days when the Jewish people reflect and prepare their hearts for the Atonement.

The thing that is so beautiful to me in this is, as we focus more and more on God - Almighty God! - and who He is, how holy He is, and all that He has done, we become more and more aware of how unworthy we are to be able to stand in his presence and be called his sons and daughters... which gives way to another wave of awe - that we can enter his presence, and not just that, but be ushered into that presence by Jesus, presented without fault and with great joy (Jude 1:24)! And that God has lavished so much of his love on us that we are his children (1 John 3:1)! Which takes us right back into who He is, His holiness, and His great and marvelous deeds... and the awe just goes on and on...

Words are meaningless. Therefore, stand in awe of God (Ecclesiastes 5:7).

A Lesson in Ministry

Mile log: 565

Location: Mark 6

So Jesus sent the twelve disciples out on their first "mission trip," equipped with only the sandals on their feet... which sends a clear message: "Prepare for a lot of walking!" They were to stay in one house for each town they visited, possibly to learn that ministry is not solely about the events you do or the programs you set up, but the people you serve. They preached the good news of Jesus, cast out demons, anointed and healed. And they must have had a pretty powerful ministry, because word of it got back to King Herod, who could only conclude that it was the ghost of John the Baptist - maybe the only man he'd ever known with that kind of influence on the world. Little did he know that the power he witnessed came from a source much higher than mere man.

How long were the disciples on the road? By the time they regrouped to debrief with Jesus, they must have had a ton of stories to tell. I can hear them laughing and talking very animatedly, probably interrupting each other and chattering all at once because it was all too exciting and awesome to hold back. And I bet Jesus' smile was huge and his eyes sparkled... sure, he knew already what had happened, but hearing it all told and seeing the enthusiasm of his friends must have thrilled his heart.

But as most missionaries can affirm, the ministry did not stop when they came home. In fact, things were so busy, they didn't have time to eat. But I bet they were still running on so much of the adrenaline of their field experiences at this point that they didn't realize how much they needed some chill time with Jesus. Fortunately, Jesus knew. So he called them away - to physically move away from the craziness to a quiet and restful place with him... and keep in mind, their rest required his presence. They weren't just going to go sleep or sunbathe or "vege out" in front of the computer; they were going to be renewed by spending time just with Jesus.

I don't know how much "alone time" they got together... maybe it was just the boat ride. But sooner than they probably wanted, they were bombarded again. They got to the shore and people were already there waiting for them. That is one of the most wearying things to me: to go away and seek out solitude and quiet, and find more work waiting for me even there. But Jesus didn't moan and roll his eyes like I would... his compassion influenced his perspective and he rolled up his sleeves once more.

And then he taught them many things. I wonder what the disciples were doing... I hope and kind of suspect that they were sitting at Jesus' feet, listening to him speak. When you've been doing a lot of preaching, it is so refreshing to be able to hear someone else preach - to pour into you - for a little bit. But remember that they haven't eaten in a while... I bet as they sat still and just breathed, their adrenaline crashed and they became highly aware of the callouses on their feet, the tension in their necks, the scratchiness of their throats, and the loud rumbling of their stomachs. The magic and the fun is gone and they just want their personal time and space back... just send everyone home to eat so we can take a break, already.

But Jesus still had something very important to teach those disciples. "You feed them." I'm sure the disciples felt like that was too much... you've gotta be kidding! We don't have that kind of money! But Jesus is not easily discouraged by the obvious obstacles. "Who needs money? There are 5,000 people here! Go find out how much bread they have to share." The report of 5 loaves and 2 fish was probably given in a tone that mixed "I told you so," with "Better luck next time." This is the most hilarious part to me: Jesus didn't blink or scratch his head - he systematically organized the crowd, took the insignificant resources he had, thanked God for it, broke it, and gave it to the disciples to start passing out. Reminds me of the reckless generosity of so many of my refugee friends who have so little, yet never hesitate to pile high a plate of food for us.

I figured out the math: there were 5,000 accounted for, and 12 disciples. If the crowd was split up into 40 groups of 100 and 20 groups of 50, then each disciple would tend to 5 groups. Those of us in youth ministry cringe at the thought of one leader in charge of 5 kids, much less 400 people. I wonder when and how the bread and fish multiplied... but I'm sure the disciples thought they were going crazy as people ate their fill and left crumbs all over the green lawn. Clean up time, and each disciple had a basket to gather the leftovers, and each disciple came back together with a full basket. Probably way more bread and fish than they cared to see again. They might have thought, "If we had just sent everyone home, we would never have experienced this... never realized this sort of thing was even possible. We would have missed out on a miracle. We would have lost a chance to see the glory and power of God in our lives."

I wonder if Jesus ever said it out-right, or if his life just shouted it out all the time... but I think that evening, as the disciples stared in wonder at their full baskets, they probably got the message: "When you follow me, your life becomes a ministry. It doesn't matter if you have official business on the clock, if you are at home, or if you are on vacation. This is who you become when you stick with me. Be open, flexible, and ready. Sometimes things just happen, and if you are paying attention you can be a part of it. Allow your plans to be changed on a moment's notice, be willing to set aside your agenda for Mine. And see what marvelous things come of it."

Putting down roots

Mile log: 564

Ben is currently planting our trees.

Hannah and I went a little garden crazy about a month ago, and bought a ton of flowers and plants, and two trees - a peach tree and a dogwood tree (shout out to our beloved South!). The flowers and plants are now in the ground, but the trees have remained in their pots by the shed, waiting pretty patiently for us to give them natural space to grow. The dogwood has been less patient, and the leaves have gotten kind of wilted.

Today is a beautiful blue-sky-75-degree kind of day in Fort Wayne, so Ben asked if he could plant our trees for us. Who is Ben? Ben is, in the words of Jo March, "Here for a brief interlude of sensational experience before succumbing to a matrimonial fate." In other words, he is living in the guys' house behind us this summer, serving as a "temp" in our ministry team, until he gets married in July. He is a good guy, and we enjoy having another brother in our community. And apparently he knows a bit about trees and landscaping...

"We thought we could just put them in the front yard, here... and here..." I waved to general spaces in front the house. Ben grabbed a shovel and a tree, and dutifully headed off to the designated spots, while I went inside to make a smoothie. About a minute later, Ben came in the back door and awkwardly and gently and respectfully as possible, told me that people don't normally plant fruit trees in the front yard. Oh really? And why? "They're just... not really front yard type of trees."

I have no problem admitting that I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to trees. I'm a romantic. So in my imagination, I am brilliant with plants... I sing to them and they grow. I sit beneath them and the foliage thickens. I plant them and their branches reach to the heavens and their roots dig deep to the center of the earth. That is how it works in my mind, which is a magical and terrifying place to dwell in. So when someone tells me that my trees should go somewhere else, it surprises me, but really doesn't surprise me. And I think I'm generally, more often than not, wise and humble enough to take this sort of criticism/advice/redirection. And I was in this case. "Ben, I trust your suggestions. Plant them wherever the Lord leads you to."

It seems that lately I've heard a lot of my friends talking about "putting down roots" - when and where to do it, how and how much and why... Maybe it's this time of life, but so many of us are getting over our youthful, transient, spontaneous lifestyle and are desiring more and more to be in one place and invest deeply there, whether it means buying a house, getting married, having a career... The struggle comes in wanting to also be flexible and Spirit-led, not restricting ourselves to things that could impede our ministry.

The Bible talks a lot about roots - being planted and grounded. In fact, this morning I read in Hosea 14: "Like a cedar of Lebanon he will send down his roots; his young shoots will grow. His splendor will be like an olive tree, his fragrance like a cedar of Lebanon." Besides making me want to buy an olive tree (for my backyard, of course), this verse made me want to become like a cedar tree - so powerful and beautiful and solid and useful. But cedars don't grow in pots. It means I've got to trust the Master Gardener to take me out of the safety of the pot and place me where he wants me to grow - and he knows the best place for that. Of course, I think being rooted in His love and grace is the very best place to be. But as far as physical, relational, occupational location... well I've decided to trust him to pick the best corner of his yard for me, where I can thrive and grow the most.

The Holy and The Common

"They are to teach my people the difference between the holy and the common and show them how to distinguish between the unclean and the clean." - Ezekiel 44:23

 

What colors pop in a landscape of grey and brown?

A yellow flower, a red bird, a blue butterfly

What catches your eye in a dull and drab scene?

A shiny penny, a sparkling diamond, a ruby slipper

What stands out in a room full of mediocrity?

A framed picture, a whistled song, a child's giggle

What is true among the false?

Jesus, the Savior and the Messiah 

What is eternal among the fading?

God's love, faithfulness and mercy

What is beauty among the ashes?

The hope of glory, found only in Him

What is clean among the unclean?

One who is rescued and forgiven and made new by Christ

What is alive among the dead?

One who finds joy and courage and power in Christ

What is holy among the common?

One who is chosen and set apart and devoted to the will of Christ 

~C.L.Chandler

Matthew, Mark, Luke, John... and Emilee

"So what do you think John the Baptist was doing while all of this went down?" I asked, after Emilee and I had discussed in length the odd Baptizer's camel hair clothing, wilderness dwelling, and locust eating habits, and then watched the baptism of Jesus unfold - heavens rent, dove-like Spirit, God's voice. We had just started our adventurous study together through the book of Mark... with a bang.

She giggled and put her hand to her face in amusement. "I can just see him sitting in the river with a tub of fried locust, eating them like pop corn." And she imitated him, hunched over, eyes wide open, and hand moving frantically from bowl to mouth, like she was watching an intense movie. I cracked up with her, and thanked God again for throwing this crazy girl into my life.

She definitely took some poetic liberty in her response, but it shows that she's relating to these people who knew Jesus personally, that they are real-life people to her, not just two-dimensional characters in a story... and she thinks they are awesome. I have never thought of John as being so engaged, enthralled, dumbfounded by the experience before, but it makes total sense, I'm sure I'd react the same way, and I will forever think of John with his bucket of fried locusts.

The Example for community ministry

Probably one of the most exciting days in March for me was the day I got to go to Grace College with Todd and Tara, to do some community ministry training. We got to speak to a small group of students who are in school, training to serve the Lord in missions, and it was exciting to hear from them and share with them what God's been doing in our lives over the past year. We talked mostly about community, since that is something we've been learning a lot and growing in this year. It's a fine balance between hiding within rich Christ-centered fellowship and being light and salt in a dark and bland world. What is the biblical basis for the kind of community that we long for and work for?

We agreed that Philippians 2 was a good place to start:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

 Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
 rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
 And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

I am so thankful that Jesus set an example for us to follow. He helps us to understand what it looks like to shed selfish ambition and clothe ourselves in humility. I love reading the book of Mark to see Jesus' example of community ministry in action. So many times the stories show him walking and looking, finding people and inviting them to follow him and join him in what he was doing. He touched and looked at and ate with individuals, and spoke in the context of their culture and their lifestyle. He was one of them, and at the same time he was definitely distinct from them all - and it was attractive. He laid down his glory for the sake of calling us to something deeper and greater than we could ever reach on our own. And what was the point of all of it?

 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.

The glory of God. That was the point of everything Jesus did. And through his example, it should be the point of our lives too. We talk with strangers in the neighborhood, we invite people into our homes, we teach and serve and give and listen and pray and love because Jesus freed us to do it and called us to do it. And our lives are for the glory of the Father.

So... Ezekiel?

"So... Ezekiel?" I asked, trying to sound casual, but actually feeling so excited I was about to burst.

After trudging through about 20 chapters in two months, I'd finally landed on some exciting verses that put all the rest into perspective that felt relevant. So much of what I had read was about God destroying, completely annihilating whole nations, wiping their name off the face of the earth permanently. And then... in chapter 29-30, God speaks to Egypt. He tells them that they will be scattered, crushed, and broken... but not completely destroyed.

“‘Yet this is what the Sovereign Lord says: At the end of forty years I will gather the Egyptians from the nations where they were scattered. I will bring them back from captivity and return them to Upper Egypt, the land of their ancestry."

They would never again be a great nation, but they would be redeemed and would come home. He had plans for Egypt, and he wasn't done with them yet. I thought about Egypt as it is now. I have a Christian friend from Egypt, and I've heard how the Church is strong there. And God knew that his people would live there, grow there, worship there, and die there... He saw that there was hope for Egypt, and even though Egypt had done terrible things in the past, and would again, he showed mercy and grace, in the midst of utter annihilation around them. This is comforting and beautiful to me... the mercy of God. 

My friend, Todd, is also reading through Ezekiel, and when I shared this excitement with him, he said he got to read a little further, and wanted to share what he had learned, too. 

"So... Ezekiel?" I said. 

"Yes! Ezekiel! I stayed up reading for a long time last night," Todd said quickly, and his face lit up. Oh good, I thought, he's excited too. "I got to chapter 36, and that's where the theme of the whole book of Ezekiel is found."

 “This is what the Sovereign Lord says: It is not for your sake, people of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name..." 

"Everything God does is for the sake of his name, his glory... so people will know him. Connie, the things that happen to us - they aren't about us. Everything is about him," he said, and I could tell that he'd been thinking about this a lot. It is a hard truth to submit to, but it is worth wrestling with, because it has so much freedom and power. 

I remembered the many times throughout those difficult chapters, where God said, "Then you will know that I am the Lord." Over and over and over again, he reveals that his drive and motivation in all things is for people to know him as Lord. 

We talked more about the different analogies used throughout the book, and the ways God received glory then, and how he is receiving the glory now in our lives, through the painful, dark times and through the beautiful things we experience. It changes the way we look at life, the way we approach life. And there's more... so much more! Keep reading and you'll find heart transplants, bones coming to life, rivers flowing from a new temple... so challenging, so powerful, so beautiful. 

So...Ezekiel?

Delightful stories

One of my favorite sounds in the world these days is the sound of Meng Pu's laugh. It is so full of love and joy and life, it comes from the Lord, and it is contagious.

Our study on faith continues. He reads it in Zo language, and I follow along in English. Sometimes as he reads, he will pause and close his eyes and say, "Yes, hallelujah... it is good..." These are the moments I know he is reading something very familiar and dear to him, something that has comforted or strengthened him in the past.

Sometimes as he reads, he will stop mid-sentence and gasp and put his hand over his heart, and read it again and say, "Oh! God is... I need... dis is very good." These are the moments I know that God is teaching him a new thing, challenging him in his heart.

But then there are sometimes, more often in the recent weeks, when he is reading and does a double-take. He reads in a calm voice, then says, "eh?" and looks at me, then looks back at the verse, points to it, and translates it into English, to see if my Bible says the same thing his does. When I nod and confirm it, his face breaks into a huge smile and he chuckles, then laughs out loud, so hard that he has to take his reading glasses off and wipe his eyes. I can't help but laugh along with him. And these are the moments I know he just discovered something new about the character of God, and he takes such delight in it.

Some things that have brought him laughter lately: Rahab was a prostitute from Jericho, and God chose to rescue her and put her in the family of King David. Gideon had too many men, and God kept sending them home. Barak wouldn't go to war without Deborah, so God gave the honor of killing Sisera to a woman. Samson's parents wanted him to marry a nice Israelite girl from a good family, but God wanted him to marry a Philistine and stir up all sorts of trouble. In Meng Pu's words: "Bad woman, bad city, bad thing. But God say it is good, God say I will love, God say I want. We want no same God want. I need obey God say."

What stories in the Bible delight you? Which ones show you crazy and beautiful things about who God is? Which ones make you laugh until you cry with the joy of the Lord?

Receive. Apply. Don't forget.

These words of wisdom hit me hard last night during our discipleship class... so hard, in fact, that I wrote them down in all caps, and underlined them:

DON'T FORGET THE GOSPEL.
RECEIVE IT DAILY IN YOUR LIFE.
APPLY IT (LIKE SOAP).

The bit about soap actually dates back to 2003, old college days when our InterVarsity staff/mentor, Marshall, explained that the Bible is like soap - it does no good, just sitting on a shelf for your viewing pleasure; it's gotta be applied. Words of wisdom I have never forgotten. I used this a lot when I taught youth group in 2005-2007 (Shout out to my now-grown-up TCF kids!). Studying Scripture and learning from it and living by it has been a majorly important thing to me for a long time, and I love sharing it with others.

But I realized last night that often in my personal study time, I skim over the verses that are directly gospel-driven, as in: "Remember what you were, what God saved you from, and how he did it." Maybe I start to think that since I am already saved, and have been for many years, that part doesn't apply to me anymore. I like to camp more on verses about how to live now... and those are good verses, much needed, but if I forget why I am called to a new life, I can easily fall into legalism and religion and rituals, and get dependent on myself rather than God.

Pastor Nick stressed that if we are going to share the gospel with others, it needs to be alive and at work in our own lives. No wonder sometimes it feels like a strain to talk and be enthusiastic about the good news... I don't let it continually change and affect me! In fact, I think there are days when I don't even think about my own salvation and what it costs. On the days when I do remember, it floors me... I'm overwhelmed with awe and thanks and joy, and it is a beautiful thing to live in the light of that truth.

So I want to make this a daily exercise: to remember the gospel story in my life and ask God to constantly use it to change me and draw me closer to Him. I'd like to ask for your help in this too... will you remind me of the beauty and truth of the gospel? And I will do the same for you. The more often we speak it and pour it into each other's lives, the more naturally it will overflow to others. That is what a gospel community is all about.

Svante is not a holy wheelchair, but...

"Svante" is the name of my Swedish wheelchair, and his name means "holy."  I can't remember if I gave him that name because I was hopeful that he would live up to it, or that I would. But, like my pet beta fish, Immortal, who tragically died of obesity, the name is not working very well for Svante. He has a very unholy way of running into things, breaking things, hurting people, putting me in awkward and embarrassing jams, and generally getting both of us into trouble.

But I began reading Ezekiel this morning, and call me crazy, but from where I sit, it sure seems like Ezekiel's vision in 1:14-21 was of a holy wheelchair...

The creatures sped back and forth like flashes of lightning. As I looked at the living creatures, I saw a wheel on the ground beside each creature with its four faces. This was the appearance and structure of the wheels: They sparkled like topaz, and all four looked alike. Each appeared to be made like a wheel intersecting a wheel. As they moved, they would go in any one of the four directions the creatures faced; the wheels did not change direction as the creatures went. Their rims were high and awesome, and all four rims were full of eyes all around.

When the living creatures moved, the wheels beside them moved; and when the living creatures rose from the ground, the wheels also rose. Wherever the spirit would go, they would go, and the wheels would rise along with them, because the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels. When the creatures moved, they also moved; when the creatures stood still, they also stood still; and when the creatures rose from the ground, the wheels rose along with them, because the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels.

I did some digging and read some commentaries on what these creatures and their wheels might represent - the providence of God, the wisdom of God, angels, kingdoms, etc. There was a lot on the significance of the topaz, the rims of eyes, and the four faces, too. And if you are interested in that sort of thing, I suggest you do your own digging, because it is fascinating stuff. However, I want to just focus on the theme that caught my attention, as a girl who lives with an unholy wheelchair.

The wheels are controlled by the living creatures, and the creatures are controlled by the spirit - that is, the Spirit of God. When I think of the stupid things my chair does, I want to blame the chair, but really, it is only doing what the joystick tells it to do, and the joystick only does what I do - I control the wheels. So I realize that my actions and reactions are dependent on who/what I allow to control me. Sometimes I let my focus drift and my heart wander, and I let the "old me" have control, which results in a lot worse things than scratched walls and dented doors; it often leads to selfish motives, ugly impatience, and bitter words.  

But I want to be like those four living creatures that Ezekiel saw, being so in tune with God's Spirit and his will that they moved and rose and stood still whenever and however he did. In essence, their attitudes and thoughts and desires were submitted to the control of the Spirit. And the wheels followed suit - their responses and reactions were in line with their hearts and minds, and those were in line with the Spirit.

Holy Father, today I submit to your control, and trust you to guide me according to your will.

A Study in Shadows

Pastor Meng Pu has been coming over frequently this month to study the Bible with me, which is a tremendous delight and honor. There is something very exciting about reading the Bible in two different languages, matching up words and phrases, and retelling the Truth in broken and basic language we both understand. I love to listen to him read an old, familiar passage and explain it to me, because I inevitably see and learn something new through his perspective. This month we've been looking at the stories behind the characters mentioned in Hebrews 11... very cool study that I recommend!

Usually I can translate and decipher what he says pretty well, and I am certain the Holy Spirit has something to do with that. Also, I think my years of playing "Guesstures," "Charades," and "Pictionary" have certified me in non-verbal communication. But this week, he was fishing for an English word and I was struggling to figure it out.

He held his book in the air in front of him, and pointed to the table beneath it. "What is... how do you call...?" Stupidly, I stared at the book and the table, two words I know that he knows already. He's referring to something else, but what? He pointed to himself and the ground. He pointed to the chair and the wall. Some association between two objects? Distance? Prepositions? Comparisons? I could tell we were both getting frustrated, and he almost gave up, but we prayed together for understanding and clarity, and I urged him to try again.

I tried to put his actions in the context of our lesson, which was about Abel, in Genesis. Then we looked at Hebrews 12:24, which is about how Abel's sacrifice is like Jesus' sacrifice in some ways. Again, Meng Pu reiterated his example of the book and the surface of the table, but this time, he pointed to the light above us too. The light... hits the book... and creates... a shadow on the table!! And Meng Pu's body casts a shadow on the ground, and the chair casts a shadow on the wall!! He wasn't pointing to the table, the ground, or the wall... he was pointing to the shadows!! (Yes, I know I just used excessive exclamation points, but you have no idea how happy we both were when this became clear.)

Once we established the word "shadow," Meng Pu pointed back to the book, the chair, and himself. If these things create a shadow, what are these things called? Harder question to answer. He said, "Abel is shadow... Jesus is...?" Oh, now I get it! I told him the word "reality," or the real thing, or truth. And our conversation continued. Abel's sacrifice was a shadow of Christ's sacrifice. They're not the same thing - Christ is supreme, because Christ's sacrifice covered the sins of all men, while Abel's only covered his own, but the significance is there. It took a blood sacrifice of obedience to please the Lord.

Noah and the flood... Abraham and Isaac... Joseph in Egypt... Moses and the Passover... the snake on the staff... Ruth and Boaz... Israel's cry for a king... Jonah in the whale... the Old Testament is full of shadows, vague and foggy resemblances that prepared the hearts of people to understand and receive God's greatest gift to us. And if we follow the shadows to their source, it is all about Jesus. Everything points to him - he is reality to the fullest, truth in its purest and highest form.