About two months and $27,000 ago, my brother sat next to me in my room, with a pinched, anxious look on his face. "I'm just worried that this thing is going to become about me... I don't want that. I don't want to become overwhelmed by the organizing and the details and the spotlight, and the weight of being the Point of all this..."
In case you've been living under a rock lately, "this thing" Kevan was referring to is a campaign that he and his friends were just beginning, called "We Carry Kevan." You can visit their page... or read/watch basically any major newscast in the world (literally)... to learn the details of this now and become a part of it. But before it was a famous global campaign, it was Kevan's dream to do some things he physically cannot do alone. And before it was a viral internet sensation, it was a commitment that Kevan's friends made, to help him fulfill his dream. (By the way, if that seems vaguely familiar to you, check out Luke 5:18-20.)
When Kevan shared his concerns with me, I tried to be patient and sensitive, and then I said, "But Kevan! The whole Point of it all is that it's NOT about you! The Point is, you CAN'T do any of this on your own... the Point is, you need others - we need each other. And just because your name is on it doesn't make you the Point. You are the object, not the subject!" (Side note for the word-nerds: "We" is the active subject, "Carry" is the action that the subject does, and "Kevan" is the passive object - the one being carried. So really, it about the ones who are doing the carrying.) "So, just relax and enjoy the ride. Your role in all this is to be the receiver of this awesome gift, and to tell the amazing story."
I've been trying to understand GRACE more this year. I think maybe it's some kind of powerful, potent, magical, dangerous, life-changing, world-changing thing, and I'm on a quest to try to somehow grasp more of it. Do you know Jesus didn't really talk about grace? I mean, in the Bible he didn't ever have a sermon on the topic of grace, he didn't outline the five steps to having or receiving grace... but actually, he talked about grace all the time - he lived grace. His parables and miracles and interactions all sparkle with grace, because grace is not a textbook term, it is a living story.
"We Carry Kevan" is a parable of grace. It's a cripple in a backpack, leaning and depending and trusting on others to carry him when he cannot take a single step on his own. It demonstrates our personal limitations and inadequacies, and our desperation for something bigger, stronger, and more than ourselves. It's a group of friends who offer strength where it is lacking, and who share a burden in order to experience deeper joy together. It is a message of hope and abundance beyond what we can ever earn or deserve.
It's a picture of Jesus Christ, lifting us out of that broken, dark, hopeless curse of sin, and lavishing us with a deluge of forgiveness and redemption and favor. He is the one who sees us, hears us, knows us, saves us, loves us... and yes, carries us. We are just the objects, the receivers and witnesses of his amazing grace. He is the subject - and it is all about Him.
Showing posts with label gospel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gospel. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Thursday, February 11, 2016
The Superfruit of the Spirit
Recently at my home church, we've been studying the "Fruit of the Spirit," as it is laid out in Galatians 5:22-23 - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. We've been learning how Christ is the perfect example of all of these attributes, and how our lives will bear this good fruit in an authentic way when we abide in Him, and submit ourselves to the leading of the Holy Spirit.
In my personal Bible study time, I've been doing a word study, with the term "grace." I decided I wanted to really understand this word on a deeper and richer level than ever before. I could tell you what grace is not. Grace is not an afterthought, and it is not a free pass. And I could tell you the definition of grace - getting something good that we don't deserve. But I want to become more knowledgeable and more passionate about what grace is - its essence and significance.
In the Old Testament, it seems like grace is something that is asked for, found, and bestowed. (Yes! There is amazing grace in the Old Testament!) In John 1, grace is embodied in Jesus himself. In Acts, grace is the evidence of the powerful work of the Holy Spirit in the evangelists and early believers.
But this week, I was reading the mentions of grace in Romans 5, and it hit me: Grace is the Superfruit of the Spirit! Check this out:
"But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! Nor can the gift of God be compared with the result of one man’s sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!
The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death,so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."
In the "health and nutrition" realm, basically all fruit is good for you in some way. But some fruits are labeled "superfruits," because they are abundant with many really great things your body needs, like antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals... things that will help you live a longer, stronger, healthier, happier life. You may not even realize that some of your favorite fruits are considered superfruits - like apples and bananas!
With that in mind, I realized that even though "grace" is not listed in the famous Fruit of the Spirit list, it is all over that list! Grace happens through and because of love, it brings joy and peace, it is so often synonymous with patience and kindness, it is given out of goodness and gentleness, it is a discipline that is produced from faithfulness and self-control.
But this week, I was reading the mentions of grace in Romans 5, and it hit me: Grace is the Superfruit of the Spirit! Check this out:
"But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! Nor can the gift of God be compared with the result of one man’s sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!
The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death,so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."
In the "health and nutrition" realm, basically all fruit is good for you in some way. But some fruits are labeled "superfruits," because they are abundant with many really great things your body needs, like antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals... things that will help you live a longer, stronger, healthier, happier life. You may not even realize that some of your favorite fruits are considered superfruits - like apples and bananas!
It is so powerful that it conquers the curse of sin! It is the key to salvation! It is a gift that God freely and abundantly gives to us. It fills us and empowers us to do amazing things. It is meant to overflow from our lives to others, in our speech, attitudes, and actions.
When we bear the fruit of grace in our lives, it is the greatest, most powerful testimony of salvation, redemption, and transformation that others can see. And it is so crazy, so supernatural, that it cannot be credited to anyone or anything but Jesus.
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Think about this: What is Just?
"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." - Philippians 4:8, ESV
Of all the adjectives in this verse, this one has been the most challenging for me to think of. In this world, it is much easier to point out injustice than it is to find true justice, isn't it? There are plenty of blogs and news reports and protest demonstrations that very loudly think about the unjust things around us.
I've been thinking about it a lot recently, because my mom and I love watching the TV show, "Blue Bloods," a story about an Irish-Catholic family in New York City - the father is the police commissioner, one son is a homicide detective, another son is a police officer, and the daughter is an assistant district attorney... so they all work in their specialty to try to accomplish the same goal: justice. But it's a hard reality to pin down, and despite their best efforts, they constantly face obstacles like politics, unreliability, revenge, and the limits of the law.
We might all say that we want justice - the good rewarded, the bad punished. But when issues become personal, justice feels like a question mark that leads to no right and good answer, and we squirm under the weight of responsibility in deciding what is just. Consider the symbol we often associate with justice: an expressionless, blind-folded figure, with a sword in one hand and a pair of scales in the other. Justice is a terrifying thing... with no room for mercy, compassion, or grace.
Of all the adjectives in this verse, this one has been the most challenging for me to think of. In this world, it is much easier to point out injustice than it is to find true justice, isn't it? There are plenty of blogs and news reports and protest demonstrations that very loudly think about the unjust things around us.
I've been thinking about it a lot recently, because my mom and I love watching the TV show, "Blue Bloods," a story about an Irish-Catholic family in New York City - the father is the police commissioner, one son is a homicide detective, another son is a police officer, and the daughter is an assistant district attorney... so they all work in their specialty to try to accomplish the same goal: justice. But it's a hard reality to pin down, and despite their best efforts, they constantly face obstacles like politics, unreliability, revenge, and the limits of the law.
We might all say that we want justice - the good rewarded, the bad punished. But when issues become personal, justice feels like a question mark that leads to no right and good answer, and we squirm under the weight of responsibility in deciding what is just. Consider the symbol we often associate with justice: an expressionless, blind-folded figure, with a sword in one hand and a pair of scales in the other. Justice is a terrifying thing... with no room for mercy, compassion, or grace.
I tried to think of examples in the Bible of God's justice... and it's difficult for me. Not that God isn't just - I absolutely know that He is - but even in reading the stories, I can't understand his justice. When I read about wars and loss and curses and captivity and pain, I'm tempted to question God's justice. But then I remember that blind-folded statue, and I remember the terrible truth of Romans 3:23 (and the whole of chapter 3, at that), and realize that if true justice was served, that sword in her hand would cut down every single one of us without hesitation or selection. We are, by nature, objects of wrath. In light of this, the Old Testament becomes a surprisingly heart-wrenching picture of the mercy of God!
But then... where is the justice of God? Many prophets asked this question, and God told them to wait, be patient, because it will come. The scales will tip and the sword will fall. The only thing that will tip those scales in our favor is the saving blood of Jesus Christ, and the only shield that will protect us from that sword is our faith in Him. He is the defining edge of right and wrong. The story of true and ultimate justice comes in the end - Revelation 20-21 - when every evil will be destroyed and everything will be made right.
This realization came to me the other day as I listened to the song "The Reckoning," by Andrew Peterson. As one who has been rescued and redeemed, I praise God for his mercy and patience - for holding back his righteous wrath for as long as he has... and I worship him for his power and justice, which he has promised one day to reveal in all his glory.
Whatever is just... think about these things.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
A little woman with a BIG God!
This week I had the privilege of being a part of the annual Vacation Bible School at my home church in North Carolina. It is one of the best things we do at the church, because everyone shows up with their creativity, organization, great attitudes, eagerness to serve, and all the energy they can muster - it is definitely a beautiful picture of the body of Christ working together for the glory of God in our community.
We don't use any packaged or pre-designed VBS kits... our group always makes up their own theme, memory verse schedule, games, snacks, crafts, songs, contests, and prizes. This year, the story for the week was about the life of the missionary to China, Gladys Aylward: "A Little Woman with a Big God." (Amazing story that I highly recommend, if you haven't heard it!)
I was a "floating" volunteer, so I helped with check-in, memory verses, prayer room, and counting money. The kids had a "penny march" - brought pennies every night, to raise money for Samaritan's Purse: Operation Christmas Child. They were supposed to put their pennies in two buckets - for the "Boys" and "Girls" - and weigh them to see which group won each night. Superhuman things happen when you set up a contest between little boys and girls! Thing is, the last two nights, there were SO many pennies, the buckets were too heavy to weigh! These 60+ kids raised over $1600 for this great ministry! In the end the boys won, and got to throw cream pies in one of the girl volunteer's faces (not mine!).
The story of Gladys was really refreshing to me... God was able to do some pretty amazing things through her just because she was obedient to him. She used every opportunity God put in front of her to share the Good News because that was what her whole focus was - she wanted people to know that God loved them, especially people who had never heard it before. She was small and not very physically strong, and not what anyone would consider ideal for an uncharted mission field. But by telling the story of Jesus to mule drivers, and women whose feet she unbound, and children she rescued from the streets, and prisoners who were rioting, and monks in the mountains, she was able to spread the Good News all over the world!
I want to be like that. I want to be so focused on the Good News that I take every opportunity to talk about it, and share it with everyone I meet. Most of all, I want to honor the Lord by obeying his call to go and make disciples to the ends of the earth, and see him do great and mighty things because of his great love for us. I'm a little woman with a big God too!
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| Me, Richard, and my nephews at the VBS registration table! |
The story of Gladys was really refreshing to me... God was able to do some pretty amazing things through her just because she was obedient to him. She used every opportunity God put in front of her to share the Good News because that was what her whole focus was - she wanted people to know that God loved them, especially people who had never heard it before. She was small and not very physically strong, and not what anyone would consider ideal for an uncharted mission field. But by telling the story of Jesus to mule drivers, and women whose feet she unbound, and children she rescued from the streets, and prisoners who were rioting, and monks in the mountains, she was able to spread the Good News all over the world!
I want to be like that. I want to be so focused on the Good News that I take every opportunity to talk about it, and share it with everyone I meet. Most of all, I want to honor the Lord by obeying his call to go and make disciples to the ends of the earth, and see him do great and mighty things because of his great love for us. I'm a little woman with a big God too!
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Grand thoughts in a deep canyon
Yesterday, my friends, Mary and Anna, and I spent the day hiking around the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. Whenever they wanted to climb down a little ways or out to an outcropping, I sat in the shade and journaled. Here are some of the things I wrote...
"For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods. In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him..." ~Psalm 95:3-4
Father, your Word says that you hold the depths of the earth in your hand. It also says that if I tried to make my bed in the depths, that it is not too deep for you to be there with me. And later it says that nothing is too high or too deep to separate me from your Love. I'm thinking of these things because I'm sitting here on the rim of the grandest canyon I've ever imagined, looking into its vast depths that take my breath away. And as I hear the wind sing in the abyss and rustle in the tree tops and then sweep up to loosen the curls and strands of my hair around my face, I am comforted... because I have been lost in the depths for a while now, and the darkness and weightiness of it has threatened to crush me, body and soul, and at times I have wondered if I have gone too deep to be able to return... to hear your voice like I used to, to have joy and delight as I used to, to have the kind of hope I used to have. Will life ever be the same? Will you and I ever be the same?
No, I don't think it will, and I don't think we will either. And at this moment, I think you are trying to let me know that that is a good thing. I could stay on the surface, or in the shallower valleys of your love, and feel safe and confident in what I know of you. But it is here in the depths that I begin to realize and be amazed at how big, how deep, how vast, how grand Your love for me really is... and how grand you are. If I didn't experience the depths, I would never know that you were there too, and that you were holding even the lowest, darkness, most hopeless moments of my life in your hands. Your presence and your faithfulness are all the more awesome from this point of view.
The sun is setting now... I can see it visibly sink behind the far edge of the canyon, until only a golden haze and a dusky pink blush remain. I was wishing that You would speak to me out here today, that in the silence I would know exactly what you want me to do about everything that is holding my heart in the depths, that you would tell me how to get out of the depths, that you would show me where to place my feet and the paved path you want me to walk on. But today you didn't... you just reminded me that you see me in the depths, that you are with me and you are holding me... that no depth is beyond your reach. And that is enough for me to be sure of today.
"For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods. In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him..." ~Psalm 95:3-4
Father, your Word says that you hold the depths of the earth in your hand. It also says that if I tried to make my bed in the depths, that it is not too deep for you to be there with me. And later it says that nothing is too high or too deep to separate me from your Love. I'm thinking of these things because I'm sitting here on the rim of the grandest canyon I've ever imagined, looking into its vast depths that take my breath away. And as I hear the wind sing in the abyss and rustle in the tree tops and then sweep up to loosen the curls and strands of my hair around my face, I am comforted... because I have been lost in the depths for a while now, and the darkness and weightiness of it has threatened to crush me, body and soul, and at times I have wondered if I have gone too deep to be able to return... to hear your voice like I used to, to have joy and delight as I used to, to have the kind of hope I used to have. Will life ever be the same? Will you and I ever be the same?
No, I don't think it will, and I don't think we will either. And at this moment, I think you are trying to let me know that that is a good thing. I could stay on the surface, or in the shallower valleys of your love, and feel safe and confident in what I know of you. But it is here in the depths that I begin to realize and be amazed at how big, how deep, how vast, how grand Your love for me really is... and how grand you are. If I didn't experience the depths, I would never know that you were there too, and that you were holding even the lowest, darkness, most hopeless moments of my life in your hands. Your presence and your faithfulness are all the more awesome from this point of view.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Do you believe that Jesus loves you?
I got to see the Ragamuffin movie this weekend. It's the story of Rich Mullins life - a life that I was too young to remember or appreciate in real time, but also a life that has strongly impacted me in the past 15 years. I highly recommend the movie to... yeah, everyone. It's gonna be on DVD in Walmart for a limited time next month.
I basically cried through the whole movie, not because it was sad, but because so much of it resonated with me. My friend Pam and I were talking about it last night, and wondering about the paradox of his message that was so simple and so difficult: Believe that Jesus really does love you - he even likes you. If that is all the gospel is, then it sounds really simple. Just believe he loves you! But "knowing" and "believing" are two different things, and when you zoom in and look closely at how that belief plays itself out in life, it is so difficult. Confession: it is amazingly, ridiculously hard to believe Jesus loves me when I face each day with pain and weakness and dependency on people for tedious and critical things all day long, and lies constantly trying to attack my mind about loneliness and the limits and conditions of love. And I'm sure you have things in your life too that make it hard to believe He loves you. It would be easier to believe if everything was perfect and right in the world, but I think He wants us to believe it regardless of what happens to us and around us. His love isn't contingent on anything except His steadfast, unchanging character. It's a truth that is slippery - hard to hold on to, hard to really grasp. But in the workout it is to try to grasp it, I think we become stronger and steadier in our identity as his children.
Pam asked, "If it is so hard for us to believe in His love, what hope do we have of helping others believe it?" And I have been struggling with that question today. It certainly changes the concept of evangelism for me. "Just believe Jesus loves you" starts to sound in my head like a munchkin voice saying "Follow the yellow brick road!" At first, the yellow brick road is obvious and simple, so confidence rises as the traveller repeats the instructions - oh I can do this! And then the road gets confusing and dangerous, and things off the path are distracting and more exciting, and before you know it, the basic instructions are difficult to remember and follow and believe in. But the instructions haven't changed - the truth stays the same.
I don't think anyone who initially chooses to believe in Christ's love has any idea how hard it will be to keep believing. But the incredible thing is that at the same time, no one has any idea how beautiful and powerful and overwhelming it is when we do. We just need to choose to take that first step of belief, and then the next, and then the next... and let Him take us deeper and deeper into the understanding of his love for us.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
"Remember who the true enemy is."
Last weekend I went to see the new movie, "Catching Fire," with a few of my favorite people. Two years ago, a bunch of us read the "Hunger Games" trilogy together, and I still think it's one of the best recently written pieces of literature, at least that I have experienced. That will probably surprise some of you who know me and know my affinity for old-fashioned fantasy and epic classics. But I love the writing style and perspective of the narration, and how each chapter is a cliff-hanger, and how the plot thickens, and how it's about a girl who finds herself as being significant in something much bigger than herself.
I was noticing in the movies how there are a few themes that are emphasized... one is about the power of hope, another is about sacrificing for the sake of those they love. But one that really stuck with me was one that Haymitch and Finnick said at different times: "Remember who the true enemy is." The people chosen for the games, the "tributes," are pitted against each other, and the attention of the whole country is put on watching these people fight to the death, when really the enemy is the leadership in the capitol that is orchestrating all the violence and fear. The tributes have to remind each other that they are not the enemy, and that their energy would be better spent fighting the enemy together rather than fighting each other.
And I can't help but think this is a good truth to apply to the Church. Too often I see Christians fighting each other, whether it's within a ministry or one church body or across denominations. And I think that is a waste of time and energy. The true enemy is Satan, and he would love nothing more than to distract us into tearing each other apart... he is safe and sound as long as our arrows are pointed at each other. Why do we fall for that trick?? So if you have anger or bitterness or any issue with a brother or sister in Christ, here is the truth: it is destroying you, it is killing them, and it is strangling the ministry. And I'd just like to say to you: GET OVER IT. Realize that lies and conflicts that divide us are the work of Satan and the sin in our own hearts that produces selfishness and pride - and let that knowledge increase our fervent love and defense and protection of each other, and fiercely turn our attacks on the true source that has been causing the same problems since the Garden of Eden. Satan has absolutely no authority in the Church, so do not allow him to have any power or claim there.
We are human; we make mistakes, we sin, we hurt each other, and we come from different pasts that shape our values and approaches differently. But the thing that binds us together is that we have been saved and redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ. We worship the same God, and we are all under his mercy. He has given us the same commands and mission and promises. And anyway, we're gonna spend eternity together, so we may as well start learning to get along now! When we focus on the truth of the gospel and we abide in the Vine, we grow and bear fruit - individually and corporately, which is a much better thing that cutting each other down and separating.
So let's remember who the true enemy is, and who the true King is, and who our family is. Let's remember that Jesus saved us and the Holy Spirit brought us together to bring glory and praise to God.
I was noticing in the movies how there are a few themes that are emphasized... one is about the power of hope, another is about sacrificing for the sake of those they love. But one that really stuck with me was one that Haymitch and Finnick said at different times: "Remember who the true enemy is." The people chosen for the games, the "tributes," are pitted against each other, and the attention of the whole country is put on watching these people fight to the death, when really the enemy is the leadership in the capitol that is orchestrating all the violence and fear. The tributes have to remind each other that they are not the enemy, and that their energy would be better spent fighting the enemy together rather than fighting each other.
And I can't help but think this is a good truth to apply to the Church. Too often I see Christians fighting each other, whether it's within a ministry or one church body or across denominations. And I think that is a waste of time and energy. The true enemy is Satan, and he would love nothing more than to distract us into tearing each other apart... he is safe and sound as long as our arrows are pointed at each other. Why do we fall for that trick?? So if you have anger or bitterness or any issue with a brother or sister in Christ, here is the truth: it is destroying you, it is killing them, and it is strangling the ministry. And I'd just like to say to you: GET OVER IT. Realize that lies and conflicts that divide us are the work of Satan and the sin in our own hearts that produces selfishness and pride - and let that knowledge increase our fervent love and defense and protection of each other, and fiercely turn our attacks on the true source that has been causing the same problems since the Garden of Eden. Satan has absolutely no authority in the Church, so do not allow him to have any power or claim there.
We are human; we make mistakes, we sin, we hurt each other, and we come from different pasts that shape our values and approaches differently. But the thing that binds us together is that we have been saved and redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ. We worship the same God, and we are all under his mercy. He has given us the same commands and mission and promises. And anyway, we're gonna spend eternity together, so we may as well start learning to get along now! When we focus on the truth of the gospel and we abide in the Vine, we grow and bear fruit - individually and corporately, which is a much better thing that cutting each other down and separating.
So let's remember who the true enemy is, and who the true King is, and who our family is. Let's remember that Jesus saved us and the Holy Spirit brought us together to bring glory and praise to God.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Hold fast
"Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you..." - I Corinthians 15:1-2a
Last night at community group, the question was asked, "What does it look like to hold fast to Jesus?" I didn't say anything, but my mind was flipping through a vast collection of adventure stories I've seen and read, and that moment when the hero is holding on to something for life - whether he's holding on to a rope to keep from falling or holding on to a precious treasure to keep it out of the hands of the enemy... regardless of the situation, here's what I realized: when you are holding fast to something, you don't have energy or strength or resources to hold on to anything else. The moment you try, you slip, fumble, or fall. "Holding fast" is an all-or-nothing kind of commitment. We're all holding fast to something, it's just a matter of what, and is it worth it.
In Corinthians, Paul encourages the Church to hold fast to the word he preached - the gospel... the Good News... the Word of God... Jesus. So to me, holding fast to Jesus means letting go of everything else. If you grew up in a Christian context like I did, that may sound cliche. But I keep finding myself grasping for other things. Even as I declare that I only need Jesus, that he truly satisfies, my hands reach out in hope for something else. Lately, I wake from my dreams at night to find my fingernails digging deep into my palms because I'm clinching my fists so tight, around... what? Sometimes it is a fight, a struggle, to hold fast to Jesus, to choose to trust him above all else.
On the flip side, it is sometimes terrifying to let go of something else in order to take hold of Jesus. At least for me, it is easier to hold fast to something that I know and am comfortable with than to let it go and trust that Jesus will be even better. And wow, even as I write that, I am shocked at my lack of faith. Don't you know Him at all? How can you even question his sufficiency and supremacy?
One of my favorite scenes in the book, The Princess Bride, is the "snow sand" - when Buttercup falls through the sand and Westley grabs a vine and jumps in to rescue her... and the vine is too short. He has to make a choice - save himself by holding on to the vine, or let go to reach her and risk losing both of their lives in the process. I love how the author writes the response: "Westley let go of the vine without a qualm, because he had come too far to fail now..." I tend to panic when God tells me to let go of things that, to me, look like life. God, what if I let go and... fears of loneliness, failure, and deaths of dreams make an eternity of floating through snow sand look pleasant. But if I love Jesus as passionately as Westley loved Buttercup, then I should have no qualms in letting go in order to be with Him.
The good news is that Jesus is worth holding fast to. He is the vine that is never too short, the branch that will never break, the rope that will not fray. And what is even better about Jesus is that when I lose strength and cannot hold on, he holds on to me and will not let me go. When I choose to receive and stand on and hold fast to his promises, He will hold fast to me as his child.
Last night at community group, the question was asked, "What does it look like to hold fast to Jesus?" I didn't say anything, but my mind was flipping through a vast collection of adventure stories I've seen and read, and that moment when the hero is holding on to something for life - whether he's holding on to a rope to keep from falling or holding on to a precious treasure to keep it out of the hands of the enemy... regardless of the situation, here's what I realized: when you are holding fast to something, you don't have energy or strength or resources to hold on to anything else. The moment you try, you slip, fumble, or fall. "Holding fast" is an all-or-nothing kind of commitment. We're all holding fast to something, it's just a matter of what, and is it worth it.
In Corinthians, Paul encourages the Church to hold fast to the word he preached - the gospel... the Good News... the Word of God... Jesus. So to me, holding fast to Jesus means letting go of everything else. If you grew up in a Christian context like I did, that may sound cliche. But I keep finding myself grasping for other things. Even as I declare that I only need Jesus, that he truly satisfies, my hands reach out in hope for something else. Lately, I wake from my dreams at night to find my fingernails digging deep into my palms because I'm clinching my fists so tight, around... what? Sometimes it is a fight, a struggle, to hold fast to Jesus, to choose to trust him above all else.
On the flip side, it is sometimes terrifying to let go of something else in order to take hold of Jesus. At least for me, it is easier to hold fast to something that I know and am comfortable with than to let it go and trust that Jesus will be even better. And wow, even as I write that, I am shocked at my lack of faith. Don't you know Him at all? How can you even question his sufficiency and supremacy?
One of my favorite scenes in the book, The Princess Bride, is the "snow sand" - when Buttercup falls through the sand and Westley grabs a vine and jumps in to rescue her... and the vine is too short. He has to make a choice - save himself by holding on to the vine, or let go to reach her and risk losing both of their lives in the process. I love how the author writes the response: "Westley let go of the vine without a qualm, because he had come too far to fail now..." I tend to panic when God tells me to let go of things that, to me, look like life. God, what if I let go and... fears of loneliness, failure, and deaths of dreams make an eternity of floating through snow sand look pleasant. But if I love Jesus as passionately as Westley loved Buttercup, then I should have no qualms in letting go in order to be with Him.
The good news is that Jesus is worth holding fast to. He is the vine that is never too short, the branch that will never break, the rope that will not fray. And what is even better about Jesus is that when I lose strength and cannot hold on, he holds on to me and will not let me go. When I choose to receive and stand on and hold fast to his promises, He will hold fast to me as his child.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
"To Him Who is Our Life"
Today my mom called me on the phone, in the middle of my usual Thursday craziness - juggling transportation plans for youth night, giving my home aid instructions for my laundry, getting ready for a meeting - to tell me that Charlie had passed away. She was definitely emotional about it, and I could imagine that Kevan and my dad were too - he was a dear family friend, but I just blinked, not able to absorb the news at all. When I got off the phone, I felt weird, like I should cry or cancel my meeting or something, but I just mechanically checked my email and straightened my glasses on my nose.
After my home aid left, I bundled up and decided to go for a walk. I rode down the alley for two blocks, then came back on the sidewalk, the tears in my eyes caused only by the cold wind blowing in my face. "Charlie's gone... he's passed... he's dead..." I tried telling myself, but it wouldn't stick. I've only known Charlie as a very old man with a very young spirit. Kevan once said he is like Caleb in Joshua 14, taking possession of new land and powerfully fighting the enemy. Clear-minded and sharp, adventurous and feisty, determined and driven, Charlie has seemed sort of immortal to me. At least, I thought he would out-live me. I visited him in his home in Charleston in 2009, and have been looking forward to another visit soon. The thought of not seeing him again on this earth has never occurred to me. So I couldn't mourn, because it just doesn't seem real. Charlie is more full of life than most people I've met.
Tonight when I got home, it finally set in. I thought of all the scribbled letters I've received from him, and more recently the emails. I re-read some emails we've shared in the past year. This is an excerpt from one of the last notes I received from him:
Connie, when your life continues to be firmly rooted in our Lord Jesus, then things work. You say that you do not know what your story will be like in the end. The secret to that question fits into two scriptures:
Phil.4:12b.(NIV) I have learned the secret to be content in any and every situation . And Col: 3:23 & 24.Whatsoever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for men, for you know your reward comes from the Lord not men. So Connie, seek to please only your Lord, for that is a winner.
Charlie always signed off his notes with the phrase, "To Him Who is Our Life." It is a reflection of how much his life was focused on Jesus - giving glory to Him, pointing others to Him. Even whenever he was bedridden in the hospital, he was inviting his visitors to sit and listen to stories of Jesus and his amazing work in the life of an old man named Charles Luce. Maybe that's why it doesn't feel like he is dead - because Jesus is completely and thoroughly his life, and He is eternal and His love will continue on...
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Your Song
"By day the Lord directs His love,
at night his song is with me -
a prayer to the God of my life."
- Psalm 42:8
Long ago, You put your song in my soul -
A melody of truth and hope,
Inspired by redemption and grace,
Accompanied by joy and love,
Harmonized with freedom and peace.
It created life and light in me
And I sang it for all to hear.
There have been times, I confess,
When the tune begins to feel monotonous -
I get bored and impatient and distracted.
Other songs sound more fresh and exciting,
And I turn my ear to listen.
I think how much better this song would sound
With refrains of romance and dynamics of thrill,
With crescendos of tangible success and cadences of visible results.
But every time I improvise to try to improve it,
The canon clashes and screeches in dissonance.
I come back to You - oh, Great Composer -
With broken chords and a broken heart,
And You play your song once again for me,
And You say, "Sing along this time - you know the words."
At first I am afraid to -
Ashamed that I have disregarded it and forgotten.
I timidly hum along, and it comes back to me - every note and beat,
And then I realize the music never stopped or faded;
It's always been there, waiting for me to listen and join in -
A song of salvation - of You! - of Your great mercy and glory.
And You didn't create it for me; You created me for it,
To sing it, play it, proclaim it with my whole life.
So I do...
And as I do, I hear the deeper magic and beauty -
Your romance and thrill,
A much purer and stronger and richer sound than mine,
Woven throughout all history and all my life -
The song You wrote, and placed in my soul.
~C.L.Chandler
Sometimes your soul just needs to be reminded to sing...
at night his song is with me -
a prayer to the God of my life."
- Psalm 42:8
Long ago, You put your song in my soul -
A melody of truth and hope,
Inspired by redemption and grace,
Accompanied by joy and love,
Harmonized with freedom and peace.
It created life and light in me
And I sang it for all to hear.
There have been times, I confess,
When the tune begins to feel monotonous -
I get bored and impatient and distracted.
Other songs sound more fresh and exciting,
And I turn my ear to listen.
I think how much better this song would sound
With refrains of romance and dynamics of thrill,
With crescendos of tangible success and cadences of visible results.
But every time I improvise to try to improve it,
The canon clashes and screeches in dissonance.
I come back to You - oh, Great Composer -
With broken chords and a broken heart,
And You play your song once again for me,
And You say, "Sing along this time - you know the words."
At first I am afraid to -
Ashamed that I have disregarded it and forgotten.
I timidly hum along, and it comes back to me - every note and beat,
And then I realize the music never stopped or faded;
It's always been there, waiting for me to listen and join in -
A song of salvation - of You! - of Your great mercy and glory.
And You didn't create it for me; You created me for it,
To sing it, play it, proclaim it with my whole life.
So I do...
And as I do, I hear the deeper magic and beauty -
Your romance and thrill,
A much purer and stronger and richer sound than mine,
Woven throughout all history and all my life -
The song You wrote, and placed in my soul.
~C.L.Chandler
Sometimes your soul just needs to be reminded to sing...
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Days of Awe
This week we got to share the celebration of Rosh Hashanah with some friends of ours at our house. This is the second time we've celebrated this holiday, and I really love it... But I just learned that the ten days between Rosh Hashanah (The New Year) and Yom Kippur (The Day of Atonement) are called "The Days of Awe," or "Days of Repentance." These are days when the Jewish people reflect and prepare their hearts for the Atonement.
The thing that is so beautiful to me in this is, as we focus more and more on God - Almighty God! - and who He is, how holy He is, and all that He has done, we become more and more aware of how unworthy we are to be able to stand in his presence and be called his sons and daughters... which gives way to another wave of awe - that we can enter his presence, and not just that, but be ushered into that presence by Jesus, presented without fault and with great joy (Jude 1:24)! And that God has lavished so much of his love on us that we are his children (1 John 3:1)! Which takes us right back into who He is, His holiness, and His great and marvelous deeds... and the awe just goes on and on...
Words are meaningless. Therefore, stand in awe of God (Ecclesiastes 5:7).
The thing that is so beautiful to me in this is, as we focus more and more on God - Almighty God! - and who He is, how holy He is, and all that He has done, we become more and more aware of how unworthy we are to be able to stand in his presence and be called his sons and daughters... which gives way to another wave of awe - that we can enter his presence, and not just that, but be ushered into that presence by Jesus, presented without fault and with great joy (Jude 1:24)! And that God has lavished so much of his love on us that we are his children (1 John 3:1)! Which takes us right back into who He is, His holiness, and His great and marvelous deeds... and the awe just goes on and on...
Words are meaningless. Therefore, stand in awe of God (Ecclesiastes 5:7).
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Curves in the road
I loved the wide open prairie lands, where the road stretched straight out forever in front of us, with no trees or hills to obstruct the view... I strained my eyes to see as far as I could, just because I could, and I took deep, deep breaths of air out there, like I could inhale the entire big blue sky that stretched from horizon to horizon. I felt free and easy and confident, knowing where I was going and what would be there when I arrived.
But then the hills grew taller and taller and the trees crowded thicker and thicker, and all I could see of the sky was right above me, and all I could see of the road and land was what came before a curve that was so close I could see it without my glasses on. And I love this scene in a different way... it has an element of adventure, not knowing what will happen next. It was thrilling to hug the edge of the mountain and wind higher and higher. It even felt a little dangerous, especially when we saw yellow diamond shaped signs warning about bison and deer and big-horned sheep and cowboys. It's those "joy in the journey" moments when you want to slow down for fear of what you might find but also want to speed up to discover what is around the corner.
Life is like that too... we come to curves in the road, and have no idea what the next day or next step might hold. And those curves have a tension of anxiety and anticipation, don't they? Who knows if changes are going to turn out to be good or bad, or how they will affect your relationships and decisions and the rest of your life? What a beautiful opportunity to work out our faith... to test how much we really trust God. He is good, faithful, and unchanging - He is the mountain we can depend on as we travel these winding roads.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Erosion
I realized during my trip that some of the most beautiful things I have seen are products of erosion and decay.
I read about how the Badlands were at one time a large body of water that eventually drained and dried out. And the red and pink and brown horizontal stripes tell the stories of its decline and the deaths of mighty sea creatures.
The paint pots of Yellowstone are formed from oxidized iron and hot gases constantly blowing and bubbling and mixing with the mud, swirling it into reds and yellows, and coating surfaces with orange bacteria and filling holes with florescent blue water.
The Grand Tetons were formed from volcanic eruptions and deposits.
Makes me smile and think of God's artistic grace... He created a beautiful and perfect world full of life, and sin came in and brought death, not just to humans, but to all of creation. But God's plans cannot be foiled - he gives beauty for ashes. As the world breaks down and falls apart, he causes even the pains of death to be redeemed.
And while I am so thankful for this, it really serves to remind me of the greater miracle of redemption in me. My muscles are weakening and my body is wearing out. And yet... my spirit is being renewed day by day, and God's power and strength are being made more and more perfect in my weakness. In fact, I think that the more dependent I become, the more beautifully his grace is able to shine forth.
It's that crazy, backward, upside-down, inside-out kind of life that Jesus calls me to live - I must become less and He must become more.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
The Rainbow Prophecy
Mile log: 700
Rainbows. A reminder of the promise of God, that he will never again flood the earth. For years, that promise never really impressed me. It felt like an over-exaggerated, irrelevant comment of regret, like when I promised never to eat kumquat again, or if I promised never to bring questionable contraband into another country again. But the more I learn about the holiness and mercy of God, the more I am thankful that he reminds me of this promise the way he does.
The first time it rained, it didn't stop for 40 days. It was the full wrath of God, literally poured out on a wicked world that absolutely deserved it. After the flood, the world didn't change - Noah sinned, and his kids sinned, and his grandkids sinned... and all his descendants since then have sinned and are by nature objects of the wrath of the God who also hasn't changed - He is still just as holy, and still has just as much cause to wipe out generation after wicked, rebellious generation of people who will not and cannot match his holiness.
When I see a rainstorm end and a rainbow appear, I'm beginning to understand that it was a prophecy of Jesus. See, after the flood, the wrath of the Holy God still needed an outlet... He just promised that the world would not be it. So he stepped down and put on human flesh and died, taking the full force of his own wrath. He didn't deserve a drop of it, but it had to fall somewhere, and he'd already promised to spare his creation, so the only thing to do was put it on himself. The rainbow doesn't just remind me of the promise, but how the promise was fulfilled.
That's why the rainbow is so beautiful - it tells the gospel story: that Jesus took the flood of wrath we deserved and instead showered us with his mercy. Selah.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Bruises, addictions, and grace
Mile log: 552
Have you ever read a book, heard a message, or listened to a song that seemed to bruise your soul? It's the kind of thing that knocks you off your feet and throbs for a while, deep and constant, and then lingers longer as a tender, sensitive, and vividly colorful reminder of what hit you. This has happened to me a few times in my life so far, and while it hurts a lot, it is a good thing and I'm thankful for it. Last night, a friend said, "It reminds us that we bleed..." and sometimes we have to bleed in order to heal, grow, and become stronger.
This time the bruise came from a book called All is Grace, about the life of Brennan Manning, author and speaker renowned for his book The Ragamuffin Gospel, among others. I mentioned it a few posts back, and finished reading it this morning. The thing that amazed (and disturbed) me the most was to find out that he was an alcoholic his whole life... it was an addiction that he struggled with and fell into over and over again in big and destructive ways, even in the midst of his amazing ministry of writing and speaking... while his message of grace was inspiring and changing lives all over the country.
Then I thought of Abraham, and Jacob, and Moses, and Samson, and Barak, and Jephthah, and other losers in the Old Testament who are noted in the "Hall of Faith" of Hebrews 11. I get so ticked off when I read their stories: why on earth would God choose to use these guys? It's not even that they were a mess and God fixed them up and then used them... they were a mess their whole lives! Severely insecure, whiny and needy, impulsive, manipulative, unfaithful, and full of themselves. I see a lot of these problems in my own heart, and it isn't pretty, and when I realize how often I give in to these things and violently wrestle with them, I'm amazed at how God continues to use me in ministry, in spite of it all. I think the characters in the Old Testament all had an "alcoholism" of sorts - an internal addiction to something that eased the ache of something deep inside that they may or may not have ever really recognized for what it was. And I have my own forms of alcoholism too.
I think maybe that is what every sin is... the things we run to, to numb the pain of the reality that we are separated from God. And when we come to Jesus and he saves and forgives, there is a shift - we don't need sin anymore because the relationship has been restored - we have access to God, and he is with us, and his power gives us victory over the bondage of sin. But the restoration isn't complete yet, and won't be complete until we are Home with Him... and as the Redeemed, we have that promise and the guarantee of it is the seal of the Holy Spirit, so we should just be able to rest in that promise until it is fulfilled. But we get impatient and restless, and like the Hebrews in the wilderness, we so easily forget the promise. And we revert back to what it felt like to not have relationship with God at all; we translate the small temporary void in our souls into a much bigger, older, and more eternal void (which doesn't actually exist anymore in those who are in Christ!).
But God is so merciful and gracious and patient with us... because even when we forget, He remembers that He redeemed us, and He remembers what is promised, and He knows He will keep that promise and how good things will be when it is fulfilled. Maybe that is why He doesn't give up on us, why He forgives and makes his mercies new every morning, and why He is determined to use us for the praise of his glory and the furthering of his kingdom, even as we wrestle through our mess. And what a beautiful story it is, when we see how God's glory triumphs against all odds - the odds being US, broken and messy and frustratingly forgetful creatures - and no matter what, he still loves us and uses our lives to highlight his love and grace.
Have you ever read a book, heard a message, or listened to a song that seemed to bruise your soul? It's the kind of thing that knocks you off your feet and throbs for a while, deep and constant, and then lingers longer as a tender, sensitive, and vividly colorful reminder of what hit you. This has happened to me a few times in my life so far, and while it hurts a lot, it is a good thing and I'm thankful for it. Last night, a friend said, "It reminds us that we bleed..." and sometimes we have to bleed in order to heal, grow, and become stronger.
This time the bruise came from a book called All is Grace, about the life of Brennan Manning, author and speaker renowned for his book The Ragamuffin Gospel, among others. I mentioned it a few posts back, and finished reading it this morning. The thing that amazed (and disturbed) me the most was to find out that he was an alcoholic his whole life... it was an addiction that he struggled with and fell into over and over again in big and destructive ways, even in the midst of his amazing ministry of writing and speaking... while his message of grace was inspiring and changing lives all over the country.
Then I thought of Abraham, and Jacob, and Moses, and Samson, and Barak, and Jephthah, and other losers in the Old Testament who are noted in the "Hall of Faith" of Hebrews 11. I get so ticked off when I read their stories: why on earth would God choose to use these guys? It's not even that they were a mess and God fixed them up and then used them... they were a mess their whole lives! Severely insecure, whiny and needy, impulsive, manipulative, unfaithful, and full of themselves. I see a lot of these problems in my own heart, and it isn't pretty, and when I realize how often I give in to these things and violently wrestle with them, I'm amazed at how God continues to use me in ministry, in spite of it all. I think the characters in the Old Testament all had an "alcoholism" of sorts - an internal addiction to something that eased the ache of something deep inside that they may or may not have ever really recognized for what it was. And I have my own forms of alcoholism too.
I think maybe that is what every sin is... the things we run to, to numb the pain of the reality that we are separated from God. And when we come to Jesus and he saves and forgives, there is a shift - we don't need sin anymore because the relationship has been restored - we have access to God, and he is with us, and his power gives us victory over the bondage of sin. But the restoration isn't complete yet, and won't be complete until we are Home with Him... and as the Redeemed, we have that promise and the guarantee of it is the seal of the Holy Spirit, so we should just be able to rest in that promise until it is fulfilled. But we get impatient and restless, and like the Hebrews in the wilderness, we so easily forget the promise. And we revert back to what it felt like to not have relationship with God at all; we translate the small temporary void in our souls into a much bigger, older, and more eternal void (which doesn't actually exist anymore in those who are in Christ!).
But God is so merciful and gracious and patient with us... because even when we forget, He remembers that He redeemed us, and He remembers what is promised, and He knows He will keep that promise and how good things will be when it is fulfilled. Maybe that is why He doesn't give up on us, why He forgives and makes his mercies new every morning, and why He is determined to use us for the praise of his glory and the furthering of his kingdom, even as we wrestle through our mess. And what a beautiful story it is, when we see how God's glory triumphs against all odds - the odds being US, broken and messy and frustratingly forgetful creatures - and no matter what, he still loves us and uses our lives to highlight his love and grace.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Everett
Mile Log: 525
This morning at Dunkin' Donuts, while enjoying my warm croissant and hot coffee and getting into Brennan Manning's memoir, I met Everett.
I like to casually people-watch when I am out in public alone. So I observed this skinny older man with no teeth and dirty, worn-out clothes order two large coffees - one "doctored up" and the other black with a side of "diabetic sugar," as he called it. When the cashier told him his total was $3, he loudly sighed and commented on its unexpected pricey-ness. The cashier showed him the size of the large coffee cup and asked if he wanted to change his order. He gratefully took her up on this offer and downsized to two smalls.
While his drinks were being prepared, he wandered over to my table and said hello. I looked up, smiled, said hello, and went back to my book. "My name's Everett. Can I buy you a donut?" Again I smiled and said, "Nice to meet you, Everett. I don't need a donut right now, but thank you." Back to my boo- "Are you sure? I'd like to buy you something. You need to eat - you're too little."
That is the third time this week I've been told how little I am, and I can feel a complex developing. I really just want to read my book, and I don't think I should point out that I just witnessed him spend his last dime on a small coffee. Who was the second coffee for, anyway, and how exactly did he plan to pay for my donut? I held up my wadded wrapper as evidence. "Just had my breakfast, so I'm good."
"Well you know," he continued before I could bury my nose in my book again, "I got a 3.9 GPA at Indiana University. I didn't turn in two papers on time, otherwise I would have had a 4.0. But my brain... you know, they want my brain, cuz I'm really very smart." And what does this have to do with the price of donuts? I smile, nod, and sip my coffee to mask my severe skepticism. "And you know I'm working on a cure for cancer. And I'm close - really close - on the edge of something big. They want to buy my ideas - buy them! You can't buy my brain!"
I wanted to ask who "they" were, but the plots from A Beautiful Mind and The Soloist were screaming in my head. I wanted to know his story - his real story - but I don't think he would have been able to tell me, if I had asked. It would have been funny if it wasn't so heartbreaking. He went on for a few more minutes about genes and chromosomes and if "they" gave him the chance he could find a cure for me, so I could use my legs again. "But they don't want me to live... but I can't die, because there is too much in my brain that could help people."
I had nothing to say. I finally closed my book and looked - really looked at Everett. This man looked like he was homeless, probably sleeps under the bridge a couple blocks away - the one my friend Ben visits sometimes because he follows Jesus there. Maybe Ben knows Everett. This man most likely has schizophrenia or some other form of mental illness that he no doubt has battled for years. Maybe he has a history of addictions or bad luck or an ugly combination of both. Part of me wanted desperately to just label, stereotype, and dismiss him. It would have been easy, except that he was so human... it would have been so easy, except-
"What's your name, baby girl?" Strictly for the purpose of not being called "baby girl" again, I told him my first name. "Connie, glad to know you," he said, and then became suddenly self-conscious. "Can I- I mean, is it alright if I... shake your hand?" I said yes, and he leaned over my table and gently took one of my hands in both of his for a moment. "Connie, you know you are my friend. You won't forget ol' Everett now, will you?"
I smiled again, this time a little wobbly, trying not to get too emotional. I wondered how many people have shaken his hand, listened to his conspiracy theories, and called him by his name. I don't think I did anything exceptional for him, but I wondered if that is all it takes to become his friend, and how many friends he has. "I won't forget, Everett." We said good-bye and he was gone.
I looked back down at the cover of my book, at the title: All is Grace. I stared and sipped my cold coffee and thought about my new friend, and about grace. I wonder how Everett would respond to the grace of God... has he already experienced it, or will he soon? What will he be like if it touches him? I thought about how Jesus extended grace to so many people - touching the untouchable, listening to the crazies, speaking with those society would sooner ignore, giving names to the hopeless. I know He reaches anywhere and everywhere to rescue and heal and offer hope and breathe life... he did it for so many in the Bible, he did it for Brennan Manning, he did it for me... and I know he can do it for my new friend, Everett, too.
This morning at Dunkin' Donuts, while enjoying my warm croissant and hot coffee and getting into Brennan Manning's memoir, I met Everett.
I like to casually people-watch when I am out in public alone. So I observed this skinny older man with no teeth and dirty, worn-out clothes order two large coffees - one "doctored up" and the other black with a side of "diabetic sugar," as he called it. When the cashier told him his total was $3, he loudly sighed and commented on its unexpected pricey-ness. The cashier showed him the size of the large coffee cup and asked if he wanted to change his order. He gratefully took her up on this offer and downsized to two smalls.
While his drinks were being prepared, he wandered over to my table and said hello. I looked up, smiled, said hello, and went back to my book. "My name's Everett. Can I buy you a donut?" Again I smiled and said, "Nice to meet you, Everett. I don't need a donut right now, but thank you." Back to my boo- "Are you sure? I'd like to buy you something. You need to eat - you're too little."
That is the third time this week I've been told how little I am, and I can feel a complex developing. I really just want to read my book, and I don't think I should point out that I just witnessed him spend his last dime on a small coffee. Who was the second coffee for, anyway, and how exactly did he plan to pay for my donut? I held up my wadded wrapper as evidence. "Just had my breakfast, so I'm good."
"Well you know," he continued before I could bury my nose in my book again, "I got a 3.9 GPA at Indiana University. I didn't turn in two papers on time, otherwise I would have had a 4.0. But my brain... you know, they want my brain, cuz I'm really very smart." And what does this have to do with the price of donuts? I smile, nod, and sip my coffee to mask my severe skepticism. "And you know I'm working on a cure for cancer. And I'm close - really close - on the edge of something big. They want to buy my ideas - buy them! You can't buy my brain!"
I wanted to ask who "they" were, but the plots from A Beautiful Mind and The Soloist were screaming in my head. I wanted to know his story - his real story - but I don't think he would have been able to tell me, if I had asked. It would have been funny if it wasn't so heartbreaking. He went on for a few more minutes about genes and chromosomes and if "they" gave him the chance he could find a cure for me, so I could use my legs again. "But they don't want me to live... but I can't die, because there is too much in my brain that could help people."
I had nothing to say. I finally closed my book and looked - really looked at Everett. This man looked like he was homeless, probably sleeps under the bridge a couple blocks away - the one my friend Ben visits sometimes because he follows Jesus there. Maybe Ben knows Everett. This man most likely has schizophrenia or some other form of mental illness that he no doubt has battled for years. Maybe he has a history of addictions or bad luck or an ugly combination of both. Part of me wanted desperately to just label, stereotype, and dismiss him. It would have been easy, except that he was so human... it would have been so easy, except-
"What's your name, baby girl?" Strictly for the purpose of not being called "baby girl" again, I told him my first name. "Connie, glad to know you," he said, and then became suddenly self-conscious. "Can I- I mean, is it alright if I... shake your hand?" I said yes, and he leaned over my table and gently took one of my hands in both of his for a moment. "Connie, you know you are my friend. You won't forget ol' Everett now, will you?"
I smiled again, this time a little wobbly, trying not to get too emotional. I wondered how many people have shaken his hand, listened to his conspiracy theories, and called him by his name. I don't think I did anything exceptional for him, but I wondered if that is all it takes to become his friend, and how many friends he has. "I won't forget, Everett." We said good-bye and he was gone.
I looked back down at the cover of my book, at the title: All is Grace. I stared and sipped my cold coffee and thought about my new friend, and about grace. I wonder how Everett would respond to the grace of God... has he already experienced it, or will he soon? What will he be like if it touches him? I thought about how Jesus extended grace to so many people - touching the untouchable, listening to the crazies, speaking with those society would sooner ignore, giving names to the hopeless. I know He reaches anywhere and everywhere to rescue and heal and offer hope and breathe life... he did it for so many in the Bible, he did it for Brennan Manning, he did it for me... and I know he can do it for my new friend, Everett, too.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Birthday worship
Below is a video link to my current favorite song by Rend Collective Experiment, reminding me of the gift God has given me - countless second chances found only at the cross of Jesus. God, thank you for giving me another birthday to celebrate and testify to your mercy and faithfulness. I have no idea of the hardships and blessings I will experience this year, but I pray that my life will bring all honor and glory to You.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Receive. Apply. Don't forget.
These words of wisdom hit me hard last night during our discipleship class... so hard, in fact, that I wrote them down in all caps, and underlined them:
DON'T FORGET THE GOSPEL.
RECEIVE IT DAILY IN YOUR LIFE.
APPLY IT (LIKE SOAP).
The bit about soap actually dates back to 2003, old college days when our InterVarsity staff/mentor, Marshall, explained that the Bible is like soap - it does no good, just sitting on a shelf for your viewing pleasure; it's gotta be applied. Words of wisdom I have never forgotten. I used this a lot when I taught youth group in 2005-2007 (Shout out to my now-grown-up TCF kids!). Studying Scripture and learning from it and living by it has been a majorly important thing to me for a long time, and I love sharing it with others.
But I realized last night that often in my personal study time, I skim over the verses that are directly gospel-driven, as in: "Remember what you were, what God saved you from, and how he did it." Maybe I start to think that since I am already saved, and have been for many years, that part doesn't apply to me anymore. I like to camp more on verses about how to live now... and those are good verses, much needed, but if I forget why I am called to a new life, I can easily fall into legalism and religion and rituals, and get dependent on myself rather than God.
Pastor Nick stressed that if we are going to share the gospel with others, it needs to be alive and at work in our own lives. No wonder sometimes it feels like a strain to talk and be enthusiastic about the good news... I don't let it continually change and affect me! In fact, I think there are days when I don't even think about my own salvation and what it costs. On the days when I do remember, it floors me... I'm overwhelmed with awe and thanks and joy, and it is a beautiful thing to live in the light of that truth.
So I want to make this a daily exercise: to remember the gospel story in my life and ask God to constantly use it to change me and draw me closer to Him. I'd like to ask for your help in this too... will you remind me of the beauty and truth of the gospel? And I will do the same for you. The more often we speak it and pour it into each other's lives, the more naturally it will overflow to others. That is what a gospel community is all about.
DON'T FORGET THE GOSPEL.
RECEIVE IT DAILY IN YOUR LIFE.
APPLY IT (LIKE SOAP).
The bit about soap actually dates back to 2003, old college days when our InterVarsity staff/mentor, Marshall, explained that the Bible is like soap - it does no good, just sitting on a shelf for your viewing pleasure; it's gotta be applied. Words of wisdom I have never forgotten. I used this a lot when I taught youth group in 2005-2007 (Shout out to my now-grown-up TCF kids!). Studying Scripture and learning from it and living by it has been a majorly important thing to me for a long time, and I love sharing it with others.
But I realized last night that often in my personal study time, I skim over the verses that are directly gospel-driven, as in: "Remember what you were, what God saved you from, and how he did it." Maybe I start to think that since I am already saved, and have been for many years, that part doesn't apply to me anymore. I like to camp more on verses about how to live now... and those are good verses, much needed, but if I forget why I am called to a new life, I can easily fall into legalism and religion and rituals, and get dependent on myself rather than God.
Pastor Nick stressed that if we are going to share the gospel with others, it needs to be alive and at work in our own lives. No wonder sometimes it feels like a strain to talk and be enthusiastic about the good news... I don't let it continually change and affect me! In fact, I think there are days when I don't even think about my own salvation and what it costs. On the days when I do remember, it floors me... I'm overwhelmed with awe and thanks and joy, and it is a beautiful thing to live in the light of that truth.
So I want to make this a daily exercise: to remember the gospel story in my life and ask God to constantly use it to change me and draw me closer to Him. I'd like to ask for your help in this too... will you remind me of the beauty and truth of the gospel? And I will do the same for you. The more often we speak it and pour it into each other's lives, the more naturally it will overflow to others. That is what a gospel community is all about.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Hold on.
I've had some dear Christian friends over the years who have gone through crucial periods of time in their faith, when they have doubted and questioned the love, care, goodness, and even the existence of God.
In some cases, I've been excited about this struggle that finally surfaces, after a person has spent years in apathy and the shallow kiddie-pool of religion - it is a chance for them to dig deep and find a solid foundation to stand on and build a strong faith. In other cases, it's been painful to watch the struggle, because I've seen God do amazing things through these people in the past, and they get tired of digging deep and swimming in the ocean, and forget the beauty and blessings of it.
I praise the Lord for the friends who have bravely wrestled with tough questions and sought wisdom and truth in the purest form, and have come out on the other side with powerful faith and solid assurance and remarkable trust and inexpressible peace. It reminds me that God is not afraid of or intimidated by our questions and doubts - like in Job, he can face them head-on, speak for himself, and prove himself time and time again.
I am heartbroken over the friends who have gone through this season and chosen to walk away from the Lord. I've gone through anger at them for giving up, but also anger at God for not showing up in their lives the way they needed him to. He knew their hearts and what they needed to hear, so why did he stay silent? Like Martha and Mary mourning Lazarus' death, I cry because I know God did have the power to restore and redeem, and I wonder why he didn't.
So when a friend tells me that she is questioning if God is really there, something in my heart tightens up with anxiety because I know how high the risk is in this process. How do I pray for her? How do I walk through this with her?
I know there is no formula for these situations, but I have noticed a pattern which has actually helped to strengthen my own faith in some ways. I find that sometimes, we tell God to do something to help us believe that he is there - a Gideon's fleece sort of thing. Only, Gideon was trying to make decisions about leadership, not trying to prove God existed. Elijah asked God to bring fire from heaven to prove his glory, but it wasn't for Elijah's sake - it was for people who had never encountered God before, who didn't know him yet. Sometimes in the Bible, people asked God for a sign to validate his promises, and sometimes God volunteered proof that he was faithful and his covenant was true.
But I think it is very dangerous for us to demand a sign from God to prove his existence, goodness, or love. It's not that He isn't able to do anything we ask, but if He did, He wouldn't be God - He'd be a genie. We are meant to serve and obey Him, not the other way around. If we need evidence, then by all means, let us ask questions and research and look back through the history of the world and our lives to see the patterns and know his faithfulness, his goodness, and his personal concern for us. But we are not meant to fully understand His ways, simplify his character, or fit him into the box of our limited perspective and expectations. And if we think we can and he should, then we are very far indeed from really knowing our Father's heart. He is, after all, not a tame Lion.
God isn't so concerned about our belief in his existence, so much as he yearns for us to exist with him - forgiven, redeemed, and in rich communion with him. So chase after that... spend your time, energy, and passions on that... wrestle with him for his blessings like Jacob, allow yourself to be broken and changed by him, and receive a lasting inheritance. That way, when you go through times when he is silent and invisible and makes no sense, you can cling to his promises and trust his heart and know without doubt that he is there and his love endures forever.
In some cases, I've been excited about this struggle that finally surfaces, after a person has spent years in apathy and the shallow kiddie-pool of religion - it is a chance for them to dig deep and find a solid foundation to stand on and build a strong faith. In other cases, it's been painful to watch the struggle, because I've seen God do amazing things through these people in the past, and they get tired of digging deep and swimming in the ocean, and forget the beauty and blessings of it.
I praise the Lord for the friends who have bravely wrestled with tough questions and sought wisdom and truth in the purest form, and have come out on the other side with powerful faith and solid assurance and remarkable trust and inexpressible peace. It reminds me that God is not afraid of or intimidated by our questions and doubts - like in Job, he can face them head-on, speak for himself, and prove himself time and time again.
I am heartbroken over the friends who have gone through this season and chosen to walk away from the Lord. I've gone through anger at them for giving up, but also anger at God for not showing up in their lives the way they needed him to. He knew their hearts and what they needed to hear, so why did he stay silent? Like Martha and Mary mourning Lazarus' death, I cry because I know God did have the power to restore and redeem, and I wonder why he didn't.
So when a friend tells me that she is questioning if God is really there, something in my heart tightens up with anxiety because I know how high the risk is in this process. How do I pray for her? How do I walk through this with her?
I know there is no formula for these situations, but I have noticed a pattern which has actually helped to strengthen my own faith in some ways. I find that sometimes, we tell God to do something to help us believe that he is there - a Gideon's fleece sort of thing. Only, Gideon was trying to make decisions about leadership, not trying to prove God existed. Elijah asked God to bring fire from heaven to prove his glory, but it wasn't for Elijah's sake - it was for people who had never encountered God before, who didn't know him yet. Sometimes in the Bible, people asked God for a sign to validate his promises, and sometimes God volunteered proof that he was faithful and his covenant was true.
But I think it is very dangerous for us to demand a sign from God to prove his existence, goodness, or love. It's not that He isn't able to do anything we ask, but if He did, He wouldn't be God - He'd be a genie. We are meant to serve and obey Him, not the other way around. If we need evidence, then by all means, let us ask questions and research and look back through the history of the world and our lives to see the patterns and know his faithfulness, his goodness, and his personal concern for us. But we are not meant to fully understand His ways, simplify his character, or fit him into the box of our limited perspective and expectations. And if we think we can and he should, then we are very far indeed from really knowing our Father's heart. He is, after all, not a tame Lion.
God isn't so concerned about our belief in his existence, so much as he yearns for us to exist with him - forgiven, redeemed, and in rich communion with him. So chase after that... spend your time, energy, and passions on that... wrestle with him for his blessings like Jacob, allow yourself to be broken and changed by him, and receive a lasting inheritance. That way, when you go through times when he is silent and invisible and makes no sense, you can cling to his promises and trust his heart and know without doubt that he is there and his love endures forever.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
A Study in Shadows
Pastor Meng Pu has been coming over frequently this month to study the Bible with me, which is a tremendous delight and honor. There is something very exciting about reading the Bible in two different languages, matching up words and phrases, and retelling the Truth in broken and basic language we both understand. I love to listen to him read an old, familiar passage and explain it to me, because I inevitably see and learn something new through his perspective. This month we've been looking at the stories behind the characters mentioned in Hebrews 11... very cool study that I recommend!
Usually I can translate and decipher what he says pretty well, and I am certain the Holy Spirit has something to do with that. Also, I think my years of playing "Guesstures," "Charades," and "Pictionary" have certified me in non-verbal communication. But this week, he was fishing for an English word and I was struggling to figure it out.
He held his book in the air in front of him, and pointed to the table beneath it. "What is... how do you call...?" Stupidly, I stared at the book and the table, two words I know that he knows already. He's referring to something else, but what? He pointed to himself and the ground. He pointed to the chair and the wall. Some association between two objects? Distance? Prepositions? Comparisons? I could tell we were both getting frustrated, and he almost gave up, but we prayed together for understanding and clarity, and I urged him to try again.
I tried to put his actions in the context of our lesson, which was about Abel, in Genesis. Then we looked at Hebrews 12:24, which is about how Abel's sacrifice is like Jesus' sacrifice in some ways. Again, Meng Pu reiterated his example of the book and the surface of the table, but this time, he pointed to the light above us too. The light... hits the book... and creates... a shadow on the table!! And Meng Pu's body casts a shadow on the ground, and the chair casts a shadow on the wall!! He wasn't pointing to the table, the ground, or the wall... he was pointing to the shadows!! (Yes, I know I just used excessive exclamation points, but you have no idea how happy we both were when this became clear.)
Once we established the word "shadow," Meng Pu pointed back to the book, the chair, and himself. If these things create a shadow, what are these things called? Harder question to answer. He said, "Abel is shadow... Jesus is...?" Oh, now I get it! I told him the word "reality," or the real thing, or truth. And our conversation continued. Abel's sacrifice was a shadow of Christ's sacrifice. They're not the same thing - Christ is supreme, because Christ's sacrifice covered the sins of all men, while Abel's only covered his own, but the significance is there. It took a blood sacrifice of obedience to please the Lord.
Noah and the flood... Abraham and Isaac... Joseph in Egypt... Moses and the Passover... the snake on the staff... Ruth and Boaz... Israel's cry for a king... Jonah in the whale... the Old Testament is full of shadows, vague and foggy resemblances that prepared the hearts of people to understand and receive God's greatest gift to us. And if we follow the shadows to their source, it is all about Jesus. Everything points to him - he is reality to the fullest, truth in its purest and highest form.
Usually I can translate and decipher what he says pretty well, and I am certain the Holy Spirit has something to do with that. Also, I think my years of playing "Guesstures," "Charades," and "Pictionary" have certified me in non-verbal communication. But this week, he was fishing for an English word and I was struggling to figure it out.
He held his book in the air in front of him, and pointed to the table beneath it. "What is... how do you call...?" Stupidly, I stared at the book and the table, two words I know that he knows already. He's referring to something else, but what? He pointed to himself and the ground. He pointed to the chair and the wall. Some association between two objects? Distance? Prepositions? Comparisons? I could tell we were both getting frustrated, and he almost gave up, but we prayed together for understanding and clarity, and I urged him to try again.
I tried to put his actions in the context of our lesson, which was about Abel, in Genesis. Then we looked at Hebrews 12:24, which is about how Abel's sacrifice is like Jesus' sacrifice in some ways. Again, Meng Pu reiterated his example of the book and the surface of the table, but this time, he pointed to the light above us too. The light... hits the book... and creates... a shadow on the table!! And Meng Pu's body casts a shadow on the ground, and the chair casts a shadow on the wall!! He wasn't pointing to the table, the ground, or the wall... he was pointing to the shadows!! (Yes, I know I just used excessive exclamation points, but you have no idea how happy we both were when this became clear.)
Once we established the word "shadow," Meng Pu pointed back to the book, the chair, and himself. If these things create a shadow, what are these things called? Harder question to answer. He said, "Abel is shadow... Jesus is...?" Oh, now I get it! I told him the word "reality," or the real thing, or truth. And our conversation continued. Abel's sacrifice was a shadow of Christ's sacrifice. They're not the same thing - Christ is supreme, because Christ's sacrifice covered the sins of all men, while Abel's only covered his own, but the significance is there. It took a blood sacrifice of obedience to please the Lord.
Noah and the flood... Abraham and Isaac... Joseph in Egypt... Moses and the Passover... the snake on the staff... Ruth and Boaz... Israel's cry for a king... Jonah in the whale... the Old Testament is full of shadows, vague and foggy resemblances that prepared the hearts of people to understand and receive God's greatest gift to us. And if we follow the shadows to their source, it is all about Jesus. Everything points to him - he is reality to the fullest, truth in its purest and highest form.
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