Why I Go to (My) Church

I've been a member of my home church since I graduated high school (about 15 years ago). Since that time, I've been a part of other "faith communities" as well - the church I attended near my college in Greensboro, the campus ministry, a next-gen seeker-friendly ministry, a young-adult Saturday night service, a youth ministry leadership mentor team, my community church in Indiana, an international ministry team, and a young ladies' Bible study. I have been so thankful for all of these experiences, and have grown exponentially in my faith because of each one. But throughout all those years, I still called my home church "home." And this is why...

My Church is my Family. 

It's people who truly KNOW me. Some of them have known me since I was little - they saw me get baptized in a polka-dot bathing suit when I was seven. Others got to know me when I was trying to conquer the world with my crazy post-college Super-girl complex. Others are new friends who are just starting to know me. There are people who have prayed for me physically beside my hospital bed, have prayed for me spiritually as I was full-time on the mission field, and have prayed for me emotionally when I was weary and wounded. They've seen me at my best and at my worst. And they still love me.

And I'm heavily invested in people here. I've cried with those who have faced disease, tragic loss, consequences of poor decisions, and unemployment. I've celebrated births, graduations, engagements, weddings, anniversaries, new jobs, ministry callings, baptisms, salvations, and recommitments. I've watched kids that I taught in youth group, girls study, and Sunday school grow up into godly, passionate, and faithful young adults.  I've mentored teen girls, and sought out the counsel of older women. I try to serve wherever I believe I can do the most good (even if it isn't my favorite role), and I try to challenge the Family to take risks where I see gaps in our ministry to each other and the community.

And I'm not saying my church is perfect - not even close. They drive me crazy sometimes, like family. Some have made decisions I disagree with, some have done and said hurtful things, and some have made mistakes that have had heartbreaking results. But life gets really messy and sometimes ugly when you are in real relationship with people. And unless we want to just sit in the back and be inactive and complacent, ugly and messy WILL happen, because we are human, and we are broken. The key is to be able to press on - to argue, wrestle, apologize, compromise, become humble, be teachable, be flexible, and be willing to try to trust again... to trust that we are all here by the grace of God, and we all - individually and collectively - need Him desperately. I can't give up on the Family when it is imperfect; I need to be a part of fixing our flaws, healing our wounds, making us stronger, turning our eyes more on Jesus. I do this, not because it is easy or pleasant, but because I need this Family in my life. I love them, and they are precious to me.

There are other things I love about my church, like weekly communion time, plurality of leadership, Bible-based teaching that doesn't water down the Truth, and the clearly presented message of the gospel at every opportunity. I love that it is a smaller church, and that we're kind of a ragamuffin bunch of people of all shapes and sizes (literally and metaphorically), and our one real common factor is that we know God loves us, and that has changed us all.

I am the only person my age in my church, and sometimes that makes me feel a bit lonely. I've been tempted to church-hop and "shop around" to try to find where people my age are... But I'm not really interested in churches that are primarily made up of young people, because I really need older people in my life to teach me and set an example. I'm not impressed by loud music or high-tech lighting or a focus on the latest programs, because I think that's all peripheral fluff that takes focus away from what matters most. I'm turned off by churches that think they are somehow special, and invest in making a name for themselves, because I think John was right: "He must increase, and I must decrease." I don't fit in very well in churches that seem to be preoccupied with being cool or hip or even "relevant," because I don't feel like I am any of those things, and Jesus never tried to be either.

I want to be in a church that is about truth and authenticity, and where the Gospel is our focus and source of life and joy and growth. I want to be in a church that is truly built on relationship that is fueled by the love of Christ in us - working hard to maintain unity and transparency within the Family, and working just as hard to reach out and invest in meaningful and intentional connections in our community. To be honest, my church is not there yet, but I don't know of any church that can claim to have all of this completely figured out. But I think this is the desire of my church... I see my beloved Family wrestling and striving towards these things, so I'm hopeful that we will get there someday together... and that is why I go to my church.

Farewell to the Hobbit Hole

I said good-bye to the Hobbit Hole yesterday for the last time.  Pictures, books, dishes and music were packed in boxes and bags, so that by the end it didn't look like home anymore... but homes are made of so much more than the stuff that hangs on walls and sits on shelves.

I still remember the first week we moved in, and didn't have any furniture. The people who came to visit didn't mind, they just made themselves at home on the floor, and said we were living "African style." Soon, Jared brought us some tables and Todd gave us some chairs, and who could have possibly known how those gifts would be used until they literally fell apart! Over the past two years, this house became a place of celebration, fellowship, and growth. Brilliant ideas were birthed there, and also carried into reality there; stories were told and art was created and tea was brewed and songs were sung and love was cultivated there. As you can see, we did a lot of eating, laughing, praying, studying, learning, and partying around that table, with friends from all over Fort Wayne and the world.

I hope that everyone who came into the Hobbit Hole felt welcomed and loved. I hope each person knew the grace and peace and love of God a little more when they left. He is the reason this house became a home, a refuge, a classroom, a coffee shop, a work shop... a center of life and community, and it's because of Him that we became a family. I love you with all my heart, and will never forget the beautiful moments we have shared together. 

Summer adventures - Part 2, South East

Last week, I came down for a quick stop in my hometown, and got to connect with my friend Richard, who has made the Hobbit Hole his home away from home for the past two years. He told me about his plans to go to Africa in the fall with YWAM, which I was just thrilled to hear. While he's still at home, he isn't wasting his desire to serve in ministry - he's been volunteering with World Relief and also has had good friendships with the exchange students at his school. We talked about Fort Wayne, and all the people we both love there, and he took me over to visit the World Relief office in High Point.  I got to talk to the volunteer director, and hear about the refugees who have settled in the area, and how the local Church has been so involved in reaching out to them. We asked about any needs or concerns, and got to pray with the director before we left, and once again it was good to be reminded of God's work in even unassuming little places like this.

Next day, Mom and I went down to Florida and stayed with my Grandpa Jack in Jupiter. My Aunt Lori had invited me to speak at her church small group, so I did that Saturday night. I shared about what God is doing in Fort Wayne, and after the meeting many people wanted to share with me what God has been up to in their lives. It was a "mega-church" - the kind I'm always pretty suspicious of - but the things I got to hear and see and be a part of for a few hours were very encouraging. The group leader talked to me for a while, and then impulsively reached in his pocket and stuffed some dollar bills in my hand. "I just feel like God wants me to give this to you," he said. "I don't even know how much, He just said to give you what I have. Not really sure why, except that your story blessed me." I waited until we left to even look at it and count it, and carefully tuck it away.

The next day, we got to visit with Jenni, a dear friend and mentor to me, someone who has greatly impacted me and my desire to live in organic, intentional ministry. She told me about her family - her kids, who are like cousins to me, and her 16 (and counting) grandkids - and about the ongoing ministry she has at her house, as an open door and a safe place for people in need. I always love my visits with Jenni, though they are never long enough.

That night I hurt my ankle pretty bad, so the next day we drove back to NC, where I went to the doctor, got X-rays, and learned that I had sprained and bruised it, and with ice and elevation it would be ok. Of course, my insurance is in Indiana, so I was going to have to pay for my visit. And would you believe it, when the receptionist told me what I owed, it was the amount that the group leader at my aunt's church stuffed into my hand. What a blessing and relief that I could count out the amount in cash right there and have it taken care of!

Summer adventures, Part 1 - North East

You know what I really love? I love travelling around and seeing how God is working in different parts of the world. I've driven 4,000 miles in the past 4 weeks. In my van, of course. My wheelchair, Svante, is about to reach his 1100 mile marker though, so I think that's worth mentioning too. I've had a hard time knowing how much of this travelling I should report "vacation" or "business," because it all feels related to my responsibilities as a servant of Jesus, but to me, my work is fun and a dream come true.

Hannah and I took a trip to New England recently. We started by driving to New Jersey and visiting Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty - amazing places that I definitely wanted to see since I love and serve international refugees. It reminded me of two important things - that for a long time, America has been a place of hope and freedom and new life for people all over the world, and that as great as America is in that respect, my home is with Jesus and he is the truest source of hope and freedom and new life for anyone who turns to him.

From there, we went to New Hartford, Connecticut, to visit our friend Amy, who is home on furlough from ministry in Uganda. She's raising support and getting ready to go back out later this summer for another long stretch of service. Her dad is the pastor of a small church family that meets in an old historical building, and we got to worship with them on Mother's Day and share lunch with her family. It was a lot of fun, but also very good to hear from Amy about what is going on in Uganda and learn more about the needs there so we know better how to pray for her and support her. We got to talk through some things she's struggling with, I helped her come up with some fundraising ideas.

We left Connecticut and went on to Portland, Maine, which I think is the furthest northeast corner of the world I've been to so far. It was so refreshing to be by the ocean, and the seafood was incredible. But we went there primarily to visit a ministry called The Root Cellar. Located downtown, it offers a lot of different services to the people directly in that community. We got a tour of the facility, I got to visit the ESL program, and talked with a few of the staff members for a while. Again, it was good to hear how the ministry has grown out of the faithfulness and prayers of the workers, and to hear about ways we can pray for and support their work.

We drove back to Fort Wayne, ending the first part - the NE part - of this summer's adventures!

Reflecting on 2013

Looking back on 2013, here are some of the brightest highlights (in no particular order):
- TCF Youth Group summer trip
- Young Money Club
- Camp Imadene
- Roadtrip to Canada
- Emilee and Brie becoming sisters and hobbits
- Life on the Homestead - beautiful community
- TCF Women's mission trip
- Steven Curtis Chapman concert
- Half-price appetizers at Applebee's with community group
- Hybrid parties at the Hobbit Hole
- Live Clue game

People have come and gone from my life this year. Charlie and Auntie Midge passed away, and the Connely's and Ruhl's moved to Charleston. Brianna moved out, and Em and Brie moved in. Tall Hannah got married and moved away, and Mary and Bethany come in. Richard, Will, and Abbey were on the Homestead for the summer, and Hannah and I adopted 98 Canadian girls at camp. All our single alley neighbors moved out and several newly married couples have moved in on our street.

I've seen a lot and been all over, and have loved everywhere I've spent time - from my Hobbit Hole living room, to the picnic table in the alley, to the silent Badlands, to the Vincent farmhouse in Oregon, to the chapel at Camp Imadene, to the Road to the Sun in Montana, to mild, rainy North Carolina. I've read some great books and commentaries, seen some great movies and TV shows, and listened to some great music and sermons. I've heard some wonderful stories, and written a few of my own.

Some of the best moments have been the most spontaneous, when I just look up, take a deep breath and realize that this - this incredible, magical, beautiful, precious thing that is happening right now - is my life. I'm not sure my heart is big enough to contain all the love I've received and felt this year, and I don't know if it is strong enough to endure all the changes... it's gotten quite a workout from the effort, though. God has continued to stretch me, teach me, and challenge me in deep ways, and he's used the most unlikely things to help me hear his heartbeat more clearly. I'm thankful that he gave me life in 2013, and I can't wait to see where he leads me in the new year.

Where's Connie?

Well, merry Christmas, and happy New Year to ya'll from mild, rainy NC! Sorry I disappeared there for a while... I would like to say I got whisked away by Peter Pan, but the truth is that any creative energy in me - physical and mental - has been used up daily for the past two weeks on a huge cross-stitch project that I finally finished yesterday. Took me 11 months to finish it, and I am super proud of it! I'll post a picture of it later.

Besides the project, I've enjoyed time with my family in Winston-Salem over the holiday, as well as a few precious hometown friends. Spent some significant time in Greensboro, too - got to meet Pastor Meng Pu's sister and family in their tiny humble apartment, had a great lunch meeting with the new I-Teams area director at Four Seasons Mall, and joined Kevan for weekly potluck and concerts with his community of Christian musician friends in the Glenwood neighborhood. All around, a relaxing and enjoyable trip home.

Before all that, the Hobbits (and cousins from the Nunnery) had a big holiday feast together, with a 20-pound turkey and all sorts of delicacies to accompany it. Then we went to Valparaiso and watched The Hobbit (part 2) together, and got snowed in at Brie's parents' home. The next day we took our Hannah to the airport for her big trip to Uganda, and picked up my mom to take her back to Fort Wayne. That night when we arrived back at the Hobbit Hole, we had to get our manly neighbors to shovel us in, because our alley, driveway, and ramp were piled eight inches high with snow! The next day, after my international Sunday school Christmas party, Mom and I drove down south.

I had planned to leave yesterday to get back to the Hobbit Hole, but then "Snowpocalypse 2014" attacked the Midwest, and with predictions of more than a foot of snow and negative degree temperatures and deadly wind chills, I decided to stay put for a few more days. Kevan and Richard have promised to take me out for an authentic crepes dinner this week to make the delay worth it, and I'm pretty sure they won't disappoint me.

So that's where I've been and where I am! I'll take a couple days to reflect on the past year and look forward to the next, so stay tuned!

"Remember who the true enemy is."

Last weekend I went to see the new movie, "Catching Fire," with a few of my favorite people. Two years ago, a bunch of us read the "Hunger Games" trilogy together, and I still think it's one of the best recently written pieces of literature, at least that I have experienced. That will probably surprise some of you who know me and know my affinity for old-fashioned fantasy and epic classics. But I love the writing style and perspective of the narration, and how each chapter is a cliff-hanger, and how the plot thickens, and how it's about a girl who finds herself as being significant in something much bigger than herself.

I was noticing in the movies how there are a few themes that are emphasized... one is about the power of hope, another is about sacrificing for the sake of those they love. But one that really stuck with me was one that Haymitch and Finnick said at different times: "Remember who the true enemy is." The people chosen for the games, the "tributes," are pitted against each other, and the attention of the whole country is put on watching these people fight to the death, when really the enemy is the leadership in the capitol that is orchestrating all the violence and fear. The tributes have to remind each other that they are not the enemy, and that their energy would be better spent fighting the enemy together rather than fighting each other.

And I can't help but think this is a good truth to apply to the Church. Too often I see Christians fighting each other, whether it's within a ministry or one church body or across denominations. And I think that is a waste of time and energy. The true enemy is Satan, and he would love nothing more than to distract us into tearing each other apart... he is safe and sound as long as our arrows are pointed at each other. Why do we fall for that trick?? So if you have anger or bitterness or any issue with a brother or sister in Christ, here is the truth: it is destroying you, it is killing them, and it is strangling the ministry. And I'd just like to say to you: GET OVER IT. Realize that lies and conflicts that divide us are the work of Satan and the sin in our own hearts that produces selfishness and pride - and let that knowledge increase our fervent love and defense and protection of each other, and fiercely turn our attacks on the true source that has been causing the same problems since the Garden of Eden. Satan has absolutely no authority in the Church, so do not allow him to have any power or claim there.

We are human; we make mistakes, we sin, we hurt each other, and we come from different pasts that shape our values and approaches differently. But the thing that binds us together is that we have been saved and redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ. We worship the same God, and we are all under his mercy. He has given us the same commands and mission and promises. And anyway, we're gonna spend eternity together, so we may as well start learning to get along now! When we focus on the truth of the gospel and we abide in the Vine, we grow and bear fruit - individually and corporately, which is a much better thing that cutting each other down and separating.

So let's remember who the true enemy is, and who the true King is, and who our family is. Let's remember that Jesus saved us and the Holy Spirit brought us together to bring glory and praise to God.

A Hobbit's Tale, by Constance Baggins

Looking back at our tracks through the sandy clay loam earth of Oregon...
and at the unwavering faithfulness of God.

Three hobbits sit together around their favorite spot - the dinner table - enjoying some of their favorite past times - feasting and telling stories, reminiscing on grand adventures gone by.

Constance Baggins licks her sticky fingers and watches her friends on either side of her, trying to imagine how she could have ever gotten this far without them. She is tired and a little weary of the unexpected journey that is long and difficult, but also feels stronger and braver because of her companions. Hannah (Bangses) Gamgee - the faithful, gentle, quietly heroic one - twiddls her fork in her Carolina salad, a symbol of the faraway home and garden that she left behind to help and support Constance. Brie(henihenihooeyha) Took - the most adventurous, delightfully unpredictable, and magical one - grins at her giant hamburger with sparkling eyes for only a moment before taking a huge bite and closing her eyes in satisfaction.

"What has been our 'ring'?" Brie asks after many stories have been remembered. "Our ring of power, which calls to us, and tries to overpower us... that we carry and bear for one another with the intent to overcome and destroy?"

"Security," Constance says solemnly. "We think we want it, need it, but we really don't. And when we become content enough to cast it aside, something happens to us to make us desperately grasp for it again."

The three hobbits quietly chew their food in thought, each one recalling the physical, emotional, relational, financial, and spiritual battles they have fought over the past couple years.

"We think we can control it, and use it against our enemy..." Brie says.

"Thinking, 'If only I had...' then I could be stronger and more effective," Constance interjects.

"...But all that really happens is that it binds us and pulls us into darkness..." Brie continues.

"It doesn't bind us, but it calls to us," Hannah corrected. "The only power it has is what we give to it. We are attracted to it, and we choose to put it on - to view the world through that haze... and when we do, it seems so much more necessary, so much more vital and important... we forget we don't need it."

"And God has told us all that this ring - this security that the world makes us believe that we need - is really what would hold us back from the best and biggest adventures he has in store for us."

Interesting, to think of Tolkien's ring of power - so evil and destructive - as being something in our lives as neatly verbalized and highly esteemed as "worldly security." But the ring was beautiful and precious, wasn't it? And in our culture, we spend so much money, make so many plans, and put so much stock in our security... And yet, in walking with Jesus, everything gets flipped upside-down, and we find that worldly security is a destructive lie, and our only hope for security is in clinging to and chasing after the Lord. We hobbits are learning to release our desire for a safe and secure life, and charge head-first into the wild, dangerous, wonderful will of God, learning that he is the only Rock we need.

"For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God?

32 

It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure." - Psalm 18-31-32

**There is, of course, a fourth hobbit, not to be forgotten, for she is powerful, a little odd, and much loved. On this particular night, Emilee "Castle" Brandybuck was working late, serving drinks and locking up shop. But there will be more stories with her!

The Adventures of Connie in... Farmland

Last weekend, Hannah drove to Bluffton to have dinner with Mary's family. As we drove past corn fields and farms and grain bins, Hannah said, "Mary said sometime she wants to take me out on a combine!" "Oh, cool!" I responded. Then there was an awkward silence. Which of us would admit the truth first? Fine, I'm older, I'll swallow my pride and say it: "You know, I don't think I've ever actually seen a combine in action..." "Yeah, me either," she said. More awkward silence. Then I said, "Um, I'm not sure I really know what a combine does..." "Yeah, me either," she said. Even though neither of us knew what on earth a combine was, we both had a feeling it was one of those basic common-knowledge things in Bluffton. And we're going to Bluffton, to a pig farm, for dinner with real farmers. Oh dear.

Thankfully, Mary's family is very gracious, and after getting over the initial shock of having such ignorant city girls in their house, her dad explained combines - what they do and how they do it. Fascinating stuff, actually. He would have taken us out to see one in action, but it was almost dark, the combines were finished working for the day, and there were pork chops and sweet potatoes to be eaten. And her mom asked if it homemade cherry pie was ok for dessert. Ummm... yes, forever! Dinner was amazing - I've never had pork chops so tender that I could cut them with a fork. And it felt so good to have dinner around a table with a family, even if it was a family we were just borrowing for an evening. Made me feel homesick, but also comforted at the same time.

After dinner we looked at photo albums, listened to Mary's brother play music, and told stories and jokes. By the time we finally decided to leave, we felt so loved and accepted... Mary's dad told us to come back anytime, that we were always welcome, and I really believed him.

We left and drove under the starry sky, passing semi-trucks that we now realized were full of corn harvested from the fields. Of course we should have known that a visit to Bluffton cannot be complete without a crazy adventure, which is probably why the water pump in my van broke ten minutes down the road. Mary and her brother and dad came to rescue us, which involved trying to fix it on the side of the road in the cold and darkness, then decided it would be best to leave my van there until the morning. They got me out of my chair and into the passenger seat of their Suburban, then (through dangerous and astounding feats) got my chair in the back of it. Hannah and Mary and I drove back to Fort Wayne in this fashion and went straight to bed. The next day, before noon, Mary's dad had my van fixed and brought it back up to us, waving off any suggestion that I would pay for the new pump he installed.

So now that my van is in good working order and we know what a combine is, maybe we'll find ourselves in Bluffton again soon...

Pseudo-roomies and colliding stories

You know those moments when different pieces of your story collide? Like, when your parents visit your apartment, or your neighbors meet your co-workers for the first time... or when your roommates meet your childhood best friend... How about when two current roommates finally meet each other...? 

You know about the "Women of the Hobbit Hole" - Emilee, Brie, Hannah and I - but there are actually two more official pseudo-roommates in our lives now - Mary and Beth. They are both kindred spirits (I keep finding more of those around here), funny, kind, quirky, authentic, and easy to be with. They both grew up on farms with multiple incredible brothers and strong Christian roots. They both love to sing and soak up meaningful relationship, and while one sports cowgirl boots and the other rocks red lipstick, you can tell they have the same Father, by their love. 

They are "pseudo" because they only live with us part-time, a couple nights a week, a few meals scattered throughout, cuddle sessions, movies, and deep, late-night talks. We shuffle beds and make up couches to fit everyone in (the Hobbit Hole has a massive pantry but limited sleeping space), so we don't really have room for them to live here full-time. But until recently, they had never actually crossed paths... Mary leaves on Wednesday mornings, Beth arrives on Wednesday afternoons, and thus they pass each other like those elusive ships in the night. 

Last Saturday, Mary invited us to the Bluffton Free Street Fair (which is very much like Autumn Leaves Festival in Mt. Airy, for those of you in NC), so Hannah, Brie, Beth and I decided to go together... and thus, Mary and Beth met. Aren't they cute?!

Mary and Beth

 Actually, the whole weekend was a beautiful traffic jam of colliding stories.

Bluffton is Mary's hometown, so we got to meet some of her friends at the fair and got a bit of a "tour" of her story... homesteads, fields, her school, all with sweet Mary-memories attached. The next day Hannah and I went to Defiance, Ohio, to have lunch with Emilee's family... which was awesome, and getting to know her kind and generous and hilarious parents explained a lot about our Em. :) That night Brie's brother came to visit, which is always a treat for us, and he got to mingle with our local friends and family for a couple days.

I love when stories collide... like when the teens and ladies from NC came to visit, when Anna joined Hannah and I on our adventure, and when my friends here go home to NC with me. It means so much to me to share the different parts of my life with people I love, because I feel like it is a way for them to know me deeper. And whether it's in British Columbia, Oregon, Florida, North Carolina, Bluffton, Defiance, Fort Wayne or anywhere else in the world, it's fun to dive into other stories too, to know people I love even more.

The usual weekly battle

I took Brie and Hannah to prayer time this afternoon, a regularly scheduled weekly thing that I usually go to while the girls are at work, but today they were free and wanted to join me. Most of the usual family was there, and we prayed about most of the usual things. When we finished, I looked up and Brie looked a little stunned, sitting quietly on the sofa and staring straight ahead. I said her name a couple times and she blinked and followed me outside to the car.

"Well, that was... intense," she finally said. And Hannah agreed with an, "Um, yeah."

"What, you mean the prayer meeting?" I asked. I tried to think back and identify anything particularly strange about the time, but we're not really a charismatic group, and while our times are powerful and precious, nothing crazy stuck out to me.

"I wouldn't call that a prayer meeting," Hannah said, sounding a little overwhelmed. "It's more like... a battle."

"Yeah," Brie agreed, and I could see a dozen adjectives racing through her mind behind her eyes... I know that look - she was trying to find words for her emotion. Crazy? Powerful? Incredible? Ridiculous? Inconceivable?   "I don't know if I'm out of shape or what, but that almost made me catatonic... I could feel the heaviness, the weight of the importance of the prayers... I can't speak. I can't even handle this right now."

I smiled. I knew what they meant. Our group looks simple enough - small people, older people, weak people, people with glasses, people who lose their cell phones, people with Midwest accents (yes, Indiana, you do have an accent here!). "Not many of you were wise by human standards, not many were influential, not many were of noble birth..." But we have more in common than our unassuming facades; inside we are warriors, and we wield powerful weapons against the enemy of souls.

We love our friends so much that we are willing to fight for them - for their freedom from sin, death, fear, and shame, and freedom to live with peace, hope, joy, and love. We know there is an evil villain who wants nothing more than to steal, kill and destroy anyone he can. We also know we serve the great, victorious King and we know we can boldly approach his throne of grace with confidence on behalf of our friends. Today Eldon pointed out that we may be the only people on earth who are lifting up these friends of ours by name to our Father - what a weight of honor and responsibility that adds! What a privilege to be the warriors on the front lines fighting for them!

That is why we pray - not because we feel weak and incapable of doing anything else, but because we are strong and know that prayer is our very best plan of attack against the lies and wickedness of Satan. So if you ever see a small group of common people bowing their heads in solemn and earnest prayer on a Wednesday afternoon together, just know that, even if you cannot see it, there is a fierce battle going on... and we know that God will win.

Family time

Joe scooped the ice cream, Todd split the bananas, and Jared... well, Jared poured caramel sauce when I specifically told him not to. Bowls of M&Ms and bottles of Hershey syrup and eight chairs squished around the dining table of the guys' "Lake House"... that is our idea of a family meeting. And what a great lookin' family, too, don't you think?!

me, Hannah, Brandon, Jared, Shannon, Todd, Joe, and Lisa

I thank God for blessing me so richly with friends, family, ministry partners who are so incredible - strong, wise, fun, passionate, loving, kind, and good. We've laughed and prayed together, we've celebrated good news and wrestled through bad news together. We plan activities, pick up kids, pray for creativity and energy, keep our doors open and our schedules flexible, and work hard together because we share a common desire to love and serve teens and families in our community... and we remind each other of that whenever we get discouraged. We might not look like much, but we know God's power has been crazy at work in and through us this year. He has done great things, and we know we will continue to see him do great things, as we keep our eyes focused and our hands open and our feet ready for action. 

The stuff reality shows (and the Kingdom of God) are made of

"You know, we decided they should make a reality TV show out of this trip!" Miss Ann laughed as she said this to my friend, Mandy, Friday at the park. "I'd watch it!" Mandy joked. "We'll let you know what episode you're starring in!" Miss Peggy bantered back. 

I'm pretty sure my very favorite thing in the world to do is invite amazing people into community and ministry life with me. And for the past five days, I got to host a ministry trip for four of my favorite ladies (including my mom!) from my home church in NC. They had heard so many stories about what God is doing here in Fort Wayne, that they just wanted to come up and see it for themselves, and be a part of it for a little while. 

These are no ordinary ladies, either! A reality show might be appropriate, given all the funny stories and moments we shared this week. They were so good-humored and quick-witted, we laughed almost the whole time they were here. 

I loved how, whenever I introduced Miss Gail, my friends would politely shake her hand, until I clarified, "This is Richard's mom," and since Richard is a favorite local hero around here from his summer adventures, each person's face would light up and they would say, "Oh! Richard's mom!" and fling their arms around her warmly. We all love Richard, so it is only natural that we'd love his mom as though she were our own. 

When I brought the four ladies to my college class, I told my students, "Now, one of these ladies is my mother - can you guess which one?" And they all pointed to Mom right away: "That's gotta be her! Same hair, same face, same smile!" 

One night a whole group of teen boys came over for dinner, and as soon as they saw Miss Peggy they adopted her as "Grandma." "And what about me?" Miss Ann said, "I'm a great-grandma!" "Yes," Peggy said, "she's greater than me!" 

They cleaned the Hobbit Hole and tended the garden and cooked all sorts of fun things... They met a lot of my friends and ministry partners and students and local family... They were teachers and learners, hosts and guests, grandmas and great-grandmas, researchers and story-tellers. And they delighted in every new thing they did, whether it was planned or spontaneous. 

It was so beautiful to me, how they jumped right in, waist-deep into community. They engaged every person they met, fully and with genuine joy, oozing with life and wisdom and light. At the same time, they were spunky and energetic and a little flamboyant, and I thought they seemed like little girls wrapped in women's clothing. And everyone could tell that God's love was their fuel... why else would women with grandchildren and great-grandchildren drive to Fort Wayne and throw themselves into an organic and unpredictable international ministry with a bunch of 20-somethings? Talk about a crazy adventure! I am so incredibly thankful for these women, and for the standards of faith and obedience they model for me and my friends.

This is the stuff that the Kingdom of God (and yes, really good reality shows) are made of.  

Helping small groups in my class at Ivy Tech

Grandmas serving dinner to the teen boys group

School shopping with Meng Pu's daughters

Guest post from Brandon

Today I really want to share with you something my friend Brandon wrote. Brandon is one of my core ministry partners here in Fort Wayne, and is a very dear brother. What he wrote is very authentic, and sounds a lot like our daily lives here - our struggles and the ways God challenges and draws us closer to himself.

~~~

So I was just settling down to do Bible Study and clean when five of the boys showed up. They weren't scheduled to come; we don’t have tutoring today. In fact, they were specifically told not to come, as both The Todd and I have a lot to do around the house tonight. The guys proceeded to just go nuts, nearly burning the house down when they left the ice cream lid on the stove and bumped the burner on. And I was kind of mad at them. I wanted to do my thing tonight, you know?

Anyways, I was very angry internally. Just overly so. After a squirt gun fight that wended in and out the house, against my orders (how dare they?!), it came time to take them home.

I dropped the boys off, silent and brooding.

You see, I’ve struggled lately to see the “holiness of the ordinary”, as someone famous who I don’t care to look up called it (and as someone decidedly not famous has been telling me repeatedly to seek). There are large decisions ahead, and it’s easy to get caught up in dreams, easy to not think about real reasons for doing real things.

After I dropped off my last kid, I headed into WalMart, realizing I was close to my favorite little store and one of the things to do on my list was to go into the toiletry aisle and stare at the cavalcade of choices for twenty minutes before picking out the wrong deodorant, toothpaste, and shaving blades. I literally glared at the People of WalMart. A little out of character, I know. I was just like: “Look at me, people! I’m large and handsome and angry.” You laugh. Those were literally the thoughts in my head. Sin is simple. And it makes us simpletons, eventually obvious to others.

My cashier was sweet. She elicited a sincere reaction from me, the first I’d had in two hours. And that one, small, thing- the earnest way she told me to have a good day, affected me. I prayed as I walked out to my car, which smelled of sweat and Africa, finally, asking my God to humble me. Telling him, confessing that my heart is so far removed. “God why did I view this good thing as such an inconvenience? My heart is wrong.”

I asked for forgiveness and help to simply follow his commands. That was what I realized - I wasn’t following his commands. And leaving WalMart, I saw an opportunity to do so. Scott was sitting there.

I stopped to give the nameless, homeless guy some money, thinking for once not of a redemptive moment for myself, but rather that I shouldn’t let the oppressed retreat in disgrace; may the poor and needy praise his name. And doing pure and undefiled religion to the least of these. For once. Remembering from Micah (6:6-8) that it’s only ever good to obey.

I gave him the cursory once-over that we give. You know, peruse the wear and tear of the cardboard of the sign, and the leather of the face. The openness of the eyes. Deign whether the content of the sign “seems honest enough”… or is boring. This is the once-over I give. The fleeting thought comes in…..”booze and cigarettes and drugs. Why give him money?” But thankfully in this moment the thought, you know, fleeted.

I parked across the street and walked over. Handed him $20, and sat down.

Scott, it turns out, is a people person. Most homeless folks become decent at it by default, of course, but Scott’s always been that way. He worked for Lee’s Chicken, drew up the hospitality training process for them. Then he made seats for GM. Made mistakes. Forged a check. Went to jail. Lost most of his teeth. The ones that remain are yellowed and craggy and spaced unevenly, like a metaphor that I can’t think of. Other than that, though, he keeps himself surprisingly clean. He hasn’t worked for two years.

And it was his birthday. 53, today. As we talked over life’s hardships and blessings, he kept on about how thankful he was. Earlier, he’d received a couple of five dollar bills. He felt like God was blessing him on his birthday. He knew it, actually. And I could tell….the guy was just loving having someone to talk to. We connected over music and expression and people pleasing and working against feeling shame from humanity but being freed from the guilt of sin. And he is definitely ashamed. He does work a bit, and always leaves a little bit of cash if someone puts him up for the night. He has his demons (no Demons, though) but he likes people too much to seem high maintenance if they’ve showed him kindness. He doesn’t look up at folks unless they wave him over to their car windows to drop some cash.

And at some point during this conversation, we started to get interrupted. A lot. People kept calling him over to their cars. He sang (captured it in video), and mid-song he was called over. He let loose with a gut-wrenching spoken word, (didn’t capture it) and was again compelled to stop by a motorist with money. Each time his eyes came back more wet.

“It’s my birthday!” He yelled. “God just keeps blessing me on my birthday!” And then he’d stagger back to me and sit down and look at me super directly, like crazy people do, and say “Anyway who doesn’t believe in God is an idiot. He takes care of me daily. I always have enough to get by.” I like to look at people like that.

He eventually had to give me hugs, overwhelmed with gratitude. His face was befuddled. I imagine that he was more noticeable to people, as a homeless guy in his homeless element having a real conversation with someone who wasn’t homeless. There was something a little startling about it, perhaps, that made it tougher for people to just pass by. Or maybe it was all Jesus, and the human “why” doesn’t matter.

Whatever it was, his last bus came, and my responsibilities remained. We left. We left with his best day of all time, statistically. One hundred and twenty-nine dollars.

And we left on the note that I’d just come and speak to him again. Not money. But words and time if I had it.

My anger is, of course, dissipated. In its place is a little bit of joy and humility, and virtually nothing else. I know my humanity, a little bit. I know my tendency to sin. But, the last verse of Scott’s song rings true.



And I have to ask you: How cynical are you? How did you feel when he said it was his birthday? Was he lying for sympathy’s sake? How about when you heard the amount of money he received today? Indignant? “Hey that’s more than I make?” Something like that? What about me? Have I exploited him so that I can feel good?

I ask, not to indict you, but because I know how I read all too often. How I’ve been trained to process the world around me….with an (un)healthy dose of 21st century self-awareness and snark.

Look, we can always choose to be cynical. Snark abounds. Snark is easy. I could have written a dozen funny, snarky articles in the time it took to write this. Freaking snark.

Genuineness is rare and it is required by our God.

For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you.

And the simple command is to love others as ourselves. If we can, we should. The point of love isn’t to do it only if we know how it’ll turn out. Or only if we can control what happens, and always make sure we’re not enabling.

It’s not even just to help the person.

It is to take action to obey God.

And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'


Scott’s last verse rings true. He asked me to let you know.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ZGF59Yw5idU#t=64

Callouses

Today I got to visit with Pastor Meng Pu and his daughter, Emily. He told me he was praying for me, which I thought was pretty cool and sweet, and I thanked him for it.

But he kept going - he said there were about ten people in ministry that he prays for daily, and he rattled them off on his fingers, and I was one of them. I felt honored and grateful, and again I thanked him for it; life is hard and ministry is hard and making decisions is hard, so knowing he is praying for me is really great.

But he kept going - he couldn't find the words, so he knelt down on the ground and raised his hands high and again emphasized that he prays for me daily... and then he sat back down and rolled up his pant legs, and showed me big, hard, thick callouses on his knees.

The lump in my throat kept me from thanking him again. It is the most overwhelming feeling to find out someone is literally wearing out their knees in prayer for you.

I am so thankful that man is in my life.

Our Richard

Taking a break today from road-trip reflections to mention our dearly departed Richard. No, he is not dead. On the contrary, he is very much alive - more alive, I think, than the average Richard.

But he had to leave us Monday to return to his home in NC, after spending six weeks with us on the Homestead. Yep, he's been a part of our family, served with us, learned with us, played with us, prayed with us, ate with us, and most definitely consumed large amounts of ice cream with us.

Richard spent the summer learning how to teach an adult Somali man to speak English, working with the youth program at I-House, tutoring a family of international boys, and... frankly, I don't really know the extent of all he did. I just know he stayed busy and did what needed to be done with a smile. Oh yeah, and he fixed our lawn mower and mowed our yard!

Please pray for him! He is starting his senior year of high school and finishing up his Eagle Scouts work and returning to (help lead??) the youth group at my home church. He has grown a lot spiritually this summer, and has a lot to offer - faith, grace, love, and strength to give to those in his community in NC. Pray that God will continue to teach him and use him mightily, and that He will guide him in his daily work and decisions about the future.

This kid is amazing - he has a light in him that we all love and will really miss. Richard (Rick/Richard Parker/Lil' Richard), remember that your family in IN love, support and pray for you! And we hope you'll return to us soon!

The last two days

Waking up in the Badlands again did something to my emotional stability. While Hannah and Anna checked us out of the motel and worked on a plan for the day, I sat in the desert field and stared at the sand castles, and cried. Couldn't really pinpoint at the time what was going on, but now as I think back I just realize I was so homesick. 

I thought about Brie and Emilee and Todd and Brandon and the others back home... and how I wanted so much to share all of this with them. And so much had happened in my heart during the week of camp that I really hadn't been able to process through yet, and I wanted desperately to return to my ministry team and talk for hours with them about it all. And being there in the Badlands, I was keenly aware that I was still 1,000 miles from home. I felt like Dorothy at the end of The Wizard of Oz... I didn't want the adventure to end, but I felt like the rest of the adventure was back in Fort Wayne. 

I don't remember much that happened that day or the next, and I don't think I was much fun... but Hannah and Anna bravely kept morale up and we got to see some more cool things before the end of the road. 

The girls climbed a sand castle... 

 We went to see Sioux Falls in SD...

The prettiest thing we saw in Minnesota were the clouds... 

And we spent the night in Madison, Wisconsin. The fact that we have no pictures of the last day of our trip is a testimony to the urgency we had in getting home. We drove through Illinois and into Indiana. Our plan was to get a Chicago-style pizza and eat it on the beach at the Indiana Dunes by Lake Michigan. But the pizza place we found did not make Chicago-style, and by the time it was ready, we were in the middle of a huge rainstorm... so we ate regular style Hawaiian pizza in a swanky pub and then drove two more hours in the rain. We got home and put on a pot of tea and just wandered through the empty rooms, wondering if anyone would come over to see us.

We were not disappointed! A knock on the door, and our dear Richard came in and welcomed us back. He started filling us in on the adventures he had had since we left, and his smiling face was the best sight I'd seen all day. Then we heard the familiar lumber of Brandon charging up the ramp and he burst into our kitchen, dripping wet and shrieking his joy at seeing us. Giant hugs and exclamations assured me that he missed us as much as I missed him. Then came Todd, just to give a hug and hear a quick story and offer us some ice cream before he had to run to work.Then Bethany and Rachel popped in, and we told the Glacier Park story for the third time in an hour - Richard was still there grinning and could probably have told the story better than us by then. Brie came home shortly after and my joy-and-love tank nearly burst. We were back in our Hobbit Hole, surrounded by friends and family.

Now that I've caught you up on the day-by-day adventure, I'll spend the next few days working through my reflections and all the things God's taught me.So stay tuned! The adventure isn't over... it's just beginning...

Day 11 - What's your story?

Today I'm moving my focus from the gorgeous view here to the beautiful people we are meeting! 

I'll tell you later about the 93 crazy, adorable, dramatic, sweet, fun girls who are running around with limitless energy this week. But today I wanna "shout out" to the staff. I've really enjoyed time I get to spend with the staff - they are all so awesome! This is our new friend Rachel - the "Memory Verse Lady", with her two beautiful daughters:

The other night, Hannah and I stayed up late with Rachel and had "story time." I said, "Rachel, what's your God story?" And she said no one had ever asked her that before, but then proceeded to tell us an amazing and powerful story of how God called her to himself. We shared our stories too, and prayed for each other. Yesterday, Hannah and I managed to ask three other staff workers about their stories. Some were more dramatic than others, but all included God calling them, and through different roads he has brought us together here at the camp for this amazing week. 

Since my theme for chapel is God's Story, I guess it's become sort of my ice breaker/conversation starter: "What's your story?" After all, we all have a story, and each of our stories is just a piece of God's bigger story of love and redemption... So think about it today: what's your story?

Hannah and I with the camp directors - Auntie Deb and Auntie Carol!

cherries, blueberries, and fireworks of faith

Blueberries. What a great way to start my day yesterday - blueberry syrup for French toast, hot blueberry tea, and a big bowl of fresh, organic blueberries with yogurt.

And the day ended with ice cream sundaes... with fudge, blue sprinkles and four cherries... my little mini-celebration of Independence day - ah, the sweetness of freedom.   

In between the blueberries and cherries was some pretty incredible talks, particularly with my Hobbit Hole roommates. There's a theme, we noticed, in a life of faith in Jesus: that just when we start to feel comfortable and secure, something gets shaken up to challenge us and deepen our faith. "It's like in Mario World," Brie and Emilee explained. "When you complete one level, you 'level up' to something more difficult, so your skills have to improve to move you forward to the goal." Similar concept goes for body builders who take on increasingly greater weights, or runners who push themselves further, or musicians who explore more and more difficult pieces of music... to grow in understanding, strength, endurance, and skill, the stakes have to be raised more and more. 

And so it is in faith... We experience something, wrestle with it, choose to trust God, surrender it to him, find him faithful in that experience, and rest in the knowledge that he is good and he is in control. Level up!! Another experience, harder to tackle than the last one... but we wrestle with it, choose again to trust God, surrender it to him, find him faithful yet again, and rest once more... Level up!! We encouraged each other, because when a challenge arises, we can remember that it is because we passed the last test and this is just another opportunity to depend on God more, trust him more, and discover a deeper level of his grace and love. 

So, as much as we would all love for things to stay as they are right now - in this level of life that we have figured out and are thriving in - we want to know God more, and be more powerful in him. The challenges will be bigger, the changes and obstacles will be scarier, but the rewards are greater. So, we're grabbing our "mushrooms" "feathers" and "fire flowers," taking a deep breath and charging ahead with faith as crazy and beautiful as fireworks... Level up!

My dream come true!

Mile log: 628  

I remember the feeling I had when I went to mission camp in high school - having an awesome week of crazy work, crazy ministry, crazy fellowship, and crazy spiritual growth, not wanting to leave, and crying when I had to say goodbye. I remember those long rides home, and how I tried to write down every detail so as not to forget, and how I prayed and wrestled with God about how much I wanted to live my life the way it was at camp... and how I thought it was impossible. There's no way life could look that incredible - I could only really call it "larger than life." But I have been hoping for it ever since... and praise God, in the past twelve years He's given me pieces and glimpses of that in many ways. 

This week, Kevan and Dad brought a group of teens from my home church, Triad Christian Fellowship, in NC, for a week of ministry with us here in Fort Wayne. "The Homestead" proved to be a perfect set up for this adventure - ten guys in the Lake House, and seven ladies in the Hobbit Hole! Talk about busy! We spent every morning at the Lake House having breakfast, Bible study, cross-cultural ministry training, and lunch... with the occasional push-ups work-out and loud sing-along. The afternoons were spent out in the community serving neighbors and friends, and then at the Hobbit Hole planning and preparing for the evening youth program at I-House. Basically, the Homestead Team wanted to bring these young people from NC alongside us in ministry, to share in what we get to do, and to help us with a new phase of our vision that we needed extra hands and feet (and brains) to accomplish.

Yesterday after breakfast, as I looked around the table, I realized this is my dream come true - and I didn't even realize it was my dream until it came true this week. You see, on those long car rides home from camp in high school, I let myself dream big. Here are some of my dreaming questions, and how they have come true:

• What would it be like to have a solid group of friends and ministry partners who have a common (but so extraordinary!) love the Lord and pour their energy and creativity into putting action to their passion? 

I can't thank God enough for the team he's placed me in right now in my life. He's put such unique gifts and personalities and strengths together in beautiful and messy unity, and especially this week I realized how much I need these people. So, special shout-out of gratefulness goes to our Homestead and its extended/transient dwellers: Hannah, Brie, Emilee, Bethany, Abby, Todd, Brandon, Ben, Will, and Erik. You are all gold, and I really love your guts! Thanks for showing me grace when I was stressed and cranky, for sweeping in to relieve me when I was overwhelmed, for basically "holding up my arms" throughout this week, and filling my heart with joy.

• What would it be like to settle into a place in a city where there are great needs that we can do something about and be a part of the restoration? 

I am so thankful for the preparation I received from the group of youth leaders in Winston-Salem five years ago, who taught me the importance of knowing the city I live in, praying for it, and being truly present in it. Fort Wayne is becoming my home and a place my heart breaks for, and it was a delight to share it with the team from NC. Special thanks and blessings to the Zo church community - for their love for all things Jesus-centered, for letting us come a-caroling and praying, and for the summer-long supply of pop they generously gave - I continue to learn so much and be humbled by this people group. Also thanks to Miss Ruth, The Reclamation Project, International House, and Gospel Community for embracing partnership and welcoming the team into their lives and ministries all week.

• What would it be like to have a safe place to rest and study God's word and fellowship with other believers, to help them grow and encourage them in their faith?

It still amazes me that God put two houses together, back-to-back in an alley, and placed Christian guys in one and Christian girls in the other, and gave them a common love for hospitality. We could not have made that happen on our own if we had tried! As you read above, our houses have become a center for growth and training and sending - HUGE answer to prayer. The Homestead has been a blessing to me all year, and this week it was beautiful to see it operate as a training base for young believers to deepen their faith. Special thanks to those who planned and led lessons and discussions and prayer times - your wisdom, experience, and passion is so inspiring!

• What would it be like to invite young Christians into my life, to walk beside me and get a glimpse of God's kingdom here on earth... to help them put on their "spiritual glasses" so they know how to find that kingdom back home or wherever they are?

The NC team... what a stellar group! It delighted my heart to do life with them this week: prayer walk with them, ride in the car with them, eat breakfast with them, sing with them, play Mafia with them... They worked so hard and did everything we asked them to do and more. And though as a group they are a pretty quiet bunch, I loved the moments I had alone with each one, when they asked great questions or gave amazing insights. It was a blessing to see their dedication, willingness, and love throughout the week. So finally, a major shout-out to our epic crew - Bethany, Sarah, Richard, Sam, Ryan, Dad, and Kevan. Thanks for being the hands and feet of Jesus to us, the youth night crew, and to Fort Wayne this week!

This morning this beautiful crew from NC drove away... away from "The Homestead," and back to "real life" as they know it. But I hope they know that life can be larger, can be as exciting as this. I was sad to see them go, but I have hope, and look forward to seeing and hearing what greatness will happen to them because of what they experienced here. I pray that God has put his kingdom seed in them and that they will pray and serve and be grounded in his Word and keep their spiritual glasses on... that He will lead their steps to go where he calls, and enlarge the capacity of their hearts to love as he does. I pray that this is the kind of impact we have on the world here at the Homestead.