there are moments...

What moments come to mind when you think of youth ministry?

There are really fun, exciting moments, like spontaneous snowball fights, dance parties, and captive audiences for storytelling. There are sweet, heart-warming moments, like when a kid opens up and starts sharing their heart with you, or when they run to give you a hug, or when they are worried about you when they see you sad or sick. There are powerful moments, like when a kid chooses to do the right thing when it is hard, or when they consider and serve each other, or when they remember and respond to something you said or did that you thought had been lost.

And then there are moments that make you want to scream and storm off and not look back. If you've ever invested your time and energy and heart in a teenager, and if beyond all wisdom and understanding you still love them, then you know what I am talking about. They know which buttons to push and what boundaries to test.

For me, it's most hurtful when I feel like I'm being used as a resource - a car, a bank, a computer, a tutor - and then a teenager flat out says they don't want to spend time with me just to play or chill or have a friendship. And I feel silly and immature and selfish and overly-emotional, and oddly like an annoying "kid sister"... as though everything I do for the teen is to get them to like me and want to be my friend. I shouldn't have that expectation, and I don't even consciously realize that I do most of the time. I do things because I love them - really, truly love them - and I want to see them succeed and have joy and peace in their lives. That's why even when I scream and storm, I come back. But it is hard to love like that and not hope for that love to be returned.

Then it hits me, is that how Jesus feels about me? I mean, I know he doesn't have the selfish, immature attitude that I have, but how does he feel when I come to him with problems and requests, and ignore or avoid time with him when I feel like things are fine? Sometimes I hear him say, "Come rest with me, play, talk, listen, walk with me. I want you to know me more," and I blow him off for "me time." I don't know if he ever feels like screaming and throwing in the towel, but I'll bet he gets very sad. And when I realize that, it makes me sad too... because I love him, just not very well sometimes.

Sometimes I think God has put me in youth ministry just to teach me more about Himself, and what His heart is for me...

The rock-climbing date

You may recall a post I wrote back in January... or maybe not... so here is a quick link to it. Well on the last day of camp I shared some of these thoughts with the girls, as a way to understand "the hope of glory."

"I love this place!" I said. "There is so much to do here... and I love watching you girls do so many exciting things. And I wish I could do them all with you - water skiing, swimming, rock climbing... I've been looking at that mountain all week wishing I could climb it and repel or cliff jump off of it into the lake! That's something I'm really looking forward to in heaven - being able to do all the amazing things I can't do now, with no fear of pain or death or failure...and I want to see you all there. I can't wait to share adventures in heaven with you. "

After chapel, one of the campers came over to me and said, "In case you are wondering what I am doing when you're speaking, I am actually drawing pictures. It helps me focus and pay attention better. So, today I drew this picture of you.."

A pretty good likeness, I'd say! Complete with glasses, wheelchair, and Peter Pan converse shoes. At the bottom of the page, she wrote: "Remember: visit Connie in heaven. Go rock climbing."

This girl is super cool! I got to hear her story later... she was adopted by a Christian woman who couldn't have kids, and she was praying and reading 1 Samuel 1 when she got the phone call that there was a 7-year-old girl who needed a home. The even crazier thing is that this woman had seen the girls' aunt crying alone in a church some weeks before, and had stopped and prayed with her, not having any idea that the lady was crying because she didn't want to put her own niece up for adoption but couldn't afford to care for her. This was probably one of my favorite God stories I heard all week.

That night at chapel, I told the whole group of girls that my new friend and I already have a rock climbing date when we get to heaven. "Any one else care to join us?" I asked, and a bunch of eager hands raised. I looked at my friend, who had sketch pad in hand, and said, "What do you think? Is it ok if our party gets a little bigger?" She smiled really big and said of course it was.

So, in heaven, if you spot me taking on a huge mountain with a contingent of beautiful crazy girls around me, you'll know who they are.

Photo blog: Last day of Camp

Just some special faces I will never forget and always treasure. Not gonna lie, I left the camp Saturday morning with a few tears in my eyes. Camp Imadene is a beautiful place, my new friends are amazing. I'm thankful that our stories have intersected for this one week, and I can't wait to see you all again someday! Prayers, blessings, and love to "ya'll"... :)

New friend, Kirsten! Bead Tent Lady/Fireside Host/Discipleship Crash-Course Co-Leader!

New friend, Ronya! Camp Dean/Devotional Lady/Dinner Buddy!

The epically dramatic Cabin Jubilee!

Enthusiastic Cabin Mt. Hebron!

Crazy gymnastic Cabin Elim!

A Hannah Sandwich on the speed boat!

Friday night chapel - PJ party!

My dream come true!

Mile log: 628  

I remember the feeling I had when I went to mission camp in high school - having an awesome week of crazy work, crazy ministry, crazy fellowship, and crazy spiritual growth, not wanting to leave, and crying when I had to say goodbye. I remember those long rides home, and how I tried to write down every detail so as not to forget, and how I prayed and wrestled with God about how much I wanted to live my life the way it was at camp... and how I thought it was impossible. There's no way life could look that incredible - I could only really call it "larger than life." But I have been hoping for it ever since... and praise God, in the past twelve years He's given me pieces and glimpses of that in many ways. 

This week, Kevan and Dad brought a group of teens from my home church, Triad Christian Fellowship, in NC, for a week of ministry with us here in Fort Wayne. "The Homestead" proved to be a perfect set up for this adventure - ten guys in the Lake House, and seven ladies in the Hobbit Hole! Talk about busy! We spent every morning at the Lake House having breakfast, Bible study, cross-cultural ministry training, and lunch... with the occasional push-ups work-out and loud sing-along. The afternoons were spent out in the community serving neighbors and friends, and then at the Hobbit Hole planning and preparing for the evening youth program at I-House. Basically, the Homestead Team wanted to bring these young people from NC alongside us in ministry, to share in what we get to do, and to help us with a new phase of our vision that we needed extra hands and feet (and brains) to accomplish.

Yesterday after breakfast, as I looked around the table, I realized this is my dream come true - and I didn't even realize it was my dream until it came true this week. You see, on those long car rides home from camp in high school, I let myself dream big. Here are some of my dreaming questions, and how they have come true:

• What would it be like to have a solid group of friends and ministry partners who have a common (but so extraordinary!) love the Lord and pour their energy and creativity into putting action to their passion? 

I can't thank God enough for the team he's placed me in right now in my life. He's put such unique gifts and personalities and strengths together in beautiful and messy unity, and especially this week I realized how much I need these people. So, special shout-out of gratefulness goes to our Homestead and its extended/transient dwellers: Hannah, Brie, Emilee, Bethany, Abby, Todd, Brandon, Ben, Will, and Erik. You are all gold, and I really love your guts! Thanks for showing me grace when I was stressed and cranky, for sweeping in to relieve me when I was overwhelmed, for basically "holding up my arms" throughout this week, and filling my heart with joy.

• What would it be like to settle into a place in a city where there are great needs that we can do something about and be a part of the restoration? 

I am so thankful for the preparation I received from the group of youth leaders in Winston-Salem five years ago, who taught me the importance of knowing the city I live in, praying for it, and being truly present in it. Fort Wayne is becoming my home and a place my heart breaks for, and it was a delight to share it with the team from NC. Special thanks and blessings to the Zo church community - for their love for all things Jesus-centered, for letting us come a-caroling and praying, and for the summer-long supply of pop they generously gave - I continue to learn so much and be humbled by this people group. Also thanks to Miss Ruth, The Reclamation Project, International House, and Gospel Community for embracing partnership and welcoming the team into their lives and ministries all week.

• What would it be like to have a safe place to rest and study God's word and fellowship with other believers, to help them grow and encourage them in their faith?

It still amazes me that God put two houses together, back-to-back in an alley, and placed Christian guys in one and Christian girls in the other, and gave them a common love for hospitality. We could not have made that happen on our own if we had tried! As you read above, our houses have become a center for growth and training and sending - HUGE answer to prayer. The Homestead has been a blessing to me all year, and this week it was beautiful to see it operate as a training base for young believers to deepen their faith. Special thanks to those who planned and led lessons and discussions and prayer times - your wisdom, experience, and passion is so inspiring!

• What would it be like to invite young Christians into my life, to walk beside me and get a glimpse of God's kingdom here on earth... to help them put on their "spiritual glasses" so they know how to find that kingdom back home or wherever they are?

The NC team... what a stellar group! It delighted my heart to do life with them this week: prayer walk with them, ride in the car with them, eat breakfast with them, sing with them, play Mafia with them... They worked so hard and did everything we asked them to do and more. And though as a group they are a pretty quiet bunch, I loved the moments I had alone with each one, when they asked great questions or gave amazing insights. It was a blessing to see their dedication, willingness, and love throughout the week. So finally, a major shout-out to our epic crew - Bethany, Sarah, Richard, Sam, Ryan, Dad, and Kevan. Thanks for being the hands and feet of Jesus to us, the youth night crew, and to Fort Wayne this week!

This morning this beautiful crew from NC drove away... away from "The Homestead," and back to "real life" as they know it. But I hope they know that life can be larger, can be as exciting as this. I was sad to see them go, but I have hope, and look forward to seeing and hearing what greatness will happen to them because of what they experienced here. I pray that God has put his kingdom seed in them and that they will pray and serve and be grounded in his Word and keep their spiritual glasses on... that He will lead their steps to go where he calls, and enlarge the capacity of their hearts to love as he does. I pray that this is the kind of impact we have on the world here at the Homestead.

The tradition of giving thanks...

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. It's also been one of the most traditional. Here's my classic Thanksgiving Day tradition: 1) Being home with my family, 2) watching the Macy's parade, 3) watching the dog show, 4) having a fire in the fireplace even if it is 60 degrees outside, 5) watching my mom flit around the kitchen in her apron all day, cooking and smiling, 6) getting dressed up even if we go nowhere, 7) having turkey and pumpkin pie, 8) working on a puzzle/project with dad, 9) playing music with Kevan and digging out our favorite Christmas albums, 10) watching It's a Wonderful Life.

None of those things happened this year - absolutely none of it. I woke up this morning and felt a little bit sad that things were so extremely different, with no semblance of anything familiar. But at the same time, I wouldn't have traded the gifts of yesterday's celebration for anything.

My friend Anna is here visiting me from NC, and that is a huge gift. I got to be with Hannah too, and she has been one of the greatest gifts in my life in the past year - my Samwise Gamgee. And I couldn't help but think about last spring, and how I didn't think I would live to see this Thanksgiving, or at least that I would not still be living and thriving and growing in Fort Wayne. What a dark time in many ways, but it is such a testimony of the Lord's power and faithfulness and mercy to me, so even for that three-month time - what Hannah and I affectionately refer to as "The Curse" - I am truly thankful.

This Thanksgiving, we picked up six of our dear teen girls and spent the day with them in the kitchen and around the table. We decided that since the first Thanksgiving was about people coming together across cultures to thank God for his love and provision for all of them, we should do that here. So we made sambusas, chipote bread, wontons and wonton soup, mashed potatoes, corn, cranberry spread, cranberry and orange scones, and southern sweet tea. The air was filled with spices and fried oil... and it was delicious! We watched Beauty and the Beast together, and listened to Indian music and of course, Justin Beiber... who we are all quite thankful for. ;) 

I loved watching the girls work together, giggling and singing and talking. I am so thankful for each of them, and the precious times we've had together. I'm thankful for the ways I've seen them grow and mature and blossom into lovely young ladies who are learning what it means to really love. I'm so glad the Lord brought me to this city and gave me these friends. I'm thankful for this year, for all the crazy times of danger and heartbreak and joy and change and peace and adventure, and for the overwhelming love and grace I have received.

After the girls went home, we were quiet for a long time - watching from our big front window as our neighbors draped Christmas lights on their houses, drinking tea, and working on sewing projects like the Jane Austin characters we imagine ourselves to be. No, it wasn't traditional at all, but it was beautiful and rich.

Today we had apple pie for breakfast. Today the Christmas music playlist is being compiled. Today my thanksgiving can't stop. While the feast and the party is over for now, the tradition of thanks is daily, constant, and it just keeps overflowing...

Leaf-raking party 2012

This has been such a beautiful fall season in Fort Wayne! But now most of the leaves are off the trees and on the ground, and citywide leaf-pick-up is less than a week away. So some of us girls got together today to do some community raking.

We started by answering a call for help from an eldery lady who lives a few blocks away. Her name was also Connie, and she was so sweet, one of the girls asked if she could call her "Gramma." While some of the girls were trying to carefully rake along the border between hers and her neighbor's house, Rahmo said, "Why don't we just rake their yard too?" After a few moments of awkward uncertainty from us territorial Americans, she said, "I am African, ya'll - this is what I do!" So she promptly raked the unknown neighbor's yard clean, while dancing to Beiber songs on her phone.

Then we decided to just march from door to door down our street asking if we could clean up leaves for people. In the process, we got to meet some of our neighbors and visit a little bit. First was the Korean musician named Peter who had two guitars and a tic-tac-toe board sketched on his shirt, who thought we were "pretty cool."

We left one of our rakes at Gramma Connie's, so Hannah ran back over to get it. She was gone for so long, I called her to find out where she was, suspicious that she was skipping out on the work. "Back off!" she retorted. "She was dragging large bags of dirt out to her garden by herself, so I helped her so she wouldn't hurt herself!" Well, alright then.

Next came the huge yellow house with the garden decorations and tenants who own the antique furniture store on the corner. James was on his way out and seemed slightly suspicious of us when we asked if we could rake leaves for him. "For how much?" he asked. "Oh, nothing at all! We just are here to serve." He gave us a strange smile and said ok, and thanks a lot. Clearing the pile of leaves from his garden was a challenge, but the girls were successful. Don't they look they awesome?!

Next they took care of my house, and finished off with one more, completing six yards in total, before coming back to my kitchen to make brownies and listen to music. I love this picture, the girls relaxing and giggling together... :)

So proud of my girls! It was so awesome to see them working so hard and with such a great attitude. For all your leaf-raking needs, you know now where to go! ;)

what it means to be free

Well, it happened. After doing two years of highschool English homework with Nawal, she finally read a book for class that I had not even heard of before. Shocking, for both of us. So when she finished her assignments with the book, she said she really liked it and gave me her student edition to read.

The book was written from the first-person perspective of a guy named Equality 7-2521 who lives in a futuristic collectivist society, where no one is unique, there is no individual identity, and even the word "I" is unknown. He slowly escapes this society and fights to become an individual who is free to think and create and choose based on his preferences and desires.

Knowing that the author grew up in Soviet Russia helps to explain her disdain for collectivism in the extreme, and her passion for independence and self-reliance. But the thing that alarmed me so much was that the hero of her story pole-vaulted from having no concept of self to being completely and utterly self-absorbed. Here are some of the "enlightened revelations" Equality 7-2521 came to by the end of the book:

"And now I see the face of god, and I raise this god over the earth, this god whom men have sought since men came into being, this god who will grant them joy and peace and pride. This god, this one word: 'I'." 

"Many words have been granted me, and some are wise, and some are false, but only three are holy: 'I will it!'" 

"My happiness is not the means to any end. It is the end. It is its own goal. It is its own purpose...I am a man. this miracle of me is mine to own and keep, and mine to guard, and mine to use, and mine to kneel before!"

"I owe nothing to my brothers, nor do I gather debts from them. I ask none to live for me, nor do I live for any others."

Are these statements distressing to anyone else out there? Can anyone tell me why a high school teacher would want to put these ideas in a teenager's brain? For me, these are disturbing conclusions because they are so opposite of what I've learned that life is about. Here's some of the teachings of the Main Character in my story:

"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it."

"If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

"Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all."

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

I have hope, joy, forgiveness, and life because the Main Character, Jesus, did not live for himself, but gave his life for me. And my life has purpose and fulfillment and peace when I remember that my life is not my own - it was bought at a high price. It is all about him and for him, and in that, there is the ultimate freedom! And in following him I find that I can love others, show mercy, extend grace, and lay down my life because he did that for me.

24 hours of community

I absolutely love my life.

Last night, 6:00 pm - I found myself in the most picturesque picnic dinner with pasta, a dining table under an autumn tree, real dishes, and an awesomely eclectic and motley crew of neighborhood friends, in that rugged-yet-sophisticated style that "Mumford and Sons" fans could appreciate. The sun set, the air turned cool, and we shuffled next door to the comfort of a bonfire and s'mores and storytelling. We came together because of a birthday, but this night helped us transition from being strangers and neighbors to friends and family.

This morning, 10:00 am - I sat in the corner of my dining room, taking in all the laughter and love oozing from the 23 friends who drank coffee, ate bagels, sang hymns, and generally filled up every inch of space in my living room, dining room, and kitchen. Our little Hobbit Hole was maxed out and I was thrilled! These are friends who love Jesus and love our local community, and want to authentically live on purpose here. I get a rush from just being with people like this, who care about the things I care about and who want to work together to see God's kingdom grow. Like Bilbo Baggins, I anticipate a grand adventure ahead of us.

This afternoon, 3:00 pm - I was sipping a pumpkin chai at my favorite coffee shop with Hannah and two of our dear African girls. We were listening to John Denver and debating if a certain piece of art was a painting or photograph, and one of the girls just leaned back and smiled so big. With a sparkle in her eye she told me how she liked this place because it was so restful and relaxing. I agreed and can't wait to tell the owner, who is a Christian pastor who opened this little establishment to be a light and a blessing to the community. Well done, Sid!

This evening, 5:00 pm - I ate the most amazing Middle Eastern food EVER at my student's house,  in her back sun room that looked out on a huge yard and well-tended garden. Her mother-in-law kept urging me to "Eat! Eat!" and her husband shared with me how his family left Iraq in the '70s and came to America. My student can speak the oldest language known to man, but she chooses to speak English so that we can be friends. As we thanked them and said good-bye, she packed a big bag full of leftovers for us to take home, and gifted us also with a bag of special tea. We're excited to share our international feast with more friends this week.

After 24 hours of beautiful, fulfilling community life, my "love tank" is so full, it's overflowing! I can't believe I get to live like this... being with people, investing in them and sharing with them and receiving from them in a way that is so meaningful and life-giving. Thank you, God, for such an exciting, incredible life!

Back-to-School shopping insanity

So here I am, in the shoe department of Wal-mart, trying to find gym shoes that are cute, but also comfortable and practical and preferably under $20... not for me, but for a middle school girl whose favorite color is "sparkle." Between matter-of-fact comments from her like, "Africans can't wear white gym shoes," and "Girls don't wear silver gym shoes," my vision blurs a bit as I try to remember how on earth I got here...

Fatuma called me a few days ago to ask if I could take her to do her back-to-school shopping, and since that time our little shopping spree grew to accommodate the needs of six students, eager but anxious for their first day of school. The Hannahs and I planned a quick run to the dollar store to buy paper, binders, and pencils, and get home before insanity struck. But then, the dollar store didn't carry backpacks or calculators, so we went next door to Wal-mart for a couple more items... which is where insanity inevitably strikes hard.

One of the girls nervously put a couple notebooks in the cart and asked me if I was really ok with helping them buy these supplies. I smiled and assured her that I was, and to get whatever she needed to get for school. Feeling relieved and free, she roamed around picking up this and that... until "this and that" became cute new trendy outfits, at which point I dusted off my English grammar lesson on the difference between "I need," and "I want."

Back to the shoe department... where I justified shoe shopping because of the need for proper gym class footwear. What is not needed is hot pink sparkly designer sneakers. I leave this mini-drama in the capable hands of Tall Hannah, who was raised on the "I'll give you two options" discipline, which is a good balance between parental control and child's choice. 

In the mean time, Small Hannah maintains some semblance of order as shepherdess - rounding up our posse and keeping everyone in sight. We check and re-check everyone's lists and find a check-out line, where we wait for twenty minutes... which ended up being a fortunate circumstance, as Rahmo had to go find socks for her brother, Fatuma needed crayons, a backpack needed exchanging, and Hannah convinced Fatuma that a boring grey algebraic calculator would serve her better than the sparkly pink basic elementary one she originally chose.

As the cashier was ringing our purchases up, I was tempted to cringe as the total increased beyond my normal limit... even though I still had last week's lesson echoing in my brain. But the girls chattered and gushed about how thankful they were for our help. "Now I don't have to worry about going back to school! Everything is taken care of!" That was exactly my goal - to relieve as much stress as I possibly could for these awesome kids this weekend. So I didn't watch the prices flash past anymore. I just hugged them and reminded them that I love them. They wanted to thank me somehow, so I told them to just work hard in school and make straight A's this year... which they laughed and agreed was a fair trade. Once we got to the car with all our bags, the girls divided up the spoils and took what they needed... in a beautiful flurry of African-style noise and chaos.

Please pray for these students, as they begin school this Monday! Pray that they will have peace, and not be anxious or stressed. Pray for gracious and patient teachers, kind and caring peers, and manageable work loads. Pray that they will not be discouraged, but will rise to every new challenge and grow and learn and excel in all that they do!

The Organic Life: Colossians 3:17

We were blessed to have Richard and Moriah here with us for about three weeks. They headed home yesterday and Hannah and I didn't realize how much we loved their company until last night when we were all alone and the house was so quiet... They've been with us since we moved into our new house, so we were kind of at a loss to know what to do without them in this strange place! We miss our little brother and sister, and hope they will return soon.

As I think back on our time together, I realize we didn't do anything terribly extraordinary. We went to the dunes, explored downtown, went to the park, they went to Cedar Point... and those things were really fun, but the things I cherish are the times we were just together, doing life in real time... meeting the neighbors, starting random projects in the backyard, having dinner parties, coloring and puzzling, eating (lots of) ice cream, visiting families, and welcoming whoever came into our home. In the daily motions and simple conversations, Jesus' love was there.

It's easy to talk about missions and ministry and God's work when we're on a special trip - a week in Mexico, two weeks in Albania, or even a month in China. You go with a purpose and expect to see God move, and then you come home (back to reality?) and tell everyone about it. There is nothing wrong with short term missions, but I think we sometimes compartmentalize ministry that way, not making the connection to our everyday lifestyle. Why do our "real" lives not look like they do on a mission trip?

While bro and sis were here, they didn't get a "mission trip" in the common sense, because very little was planned, there weren't programs or official projects, and they didn't have a clue what they would see God do. We just woke up every day with hearts ready and eager to serve the Lord, and prayed for him to keep our eyes wide open to opportunities to honor him. Funny thing is, that is our life here! And they just got to be a part of it for a while.

And you know what the other funny thing is? The things they did with us here are also things they can do in North Carolina. God's called Hannah and Joe and Todd and I to be in Fort Wayne, and he's called Richard and Moriah for this season to be in NC. And he's called you to be where you are. And you can offer ice cream to your neighbors, or invite people into your house, or go visit a new mother, or come up with a project that involves others - whether its a jigsaw puzzle or staining old chairs. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed... how does that verse go? :)

Sowing seeds

Some of our girls came over the other night and helped us plant some herbs to grow in our kitchen nook. And they inspired me to write this poem... (Note: A good sign that my soul is happy is when I start writing poems again - thank you, Jesus!) 

She holds out a hand to receive seeds,
Such tiny seeds, like cookie crumbs or grains of sand.
Before she pours them in the soil,
She pauses and stares, and can't help but wonder...
Can something so small become something great?

She sprinkles them in a spoonful of earth,
Such dark earth, like rich powdered cocoa or grounds of coffee.
As the seeds settle, they disappear,
She cannot take them back or control their fate...
Can something so small become something great?

She pours a little water over the plots,
Such joyful plots, like Christmas packages or pockets of pennies.
With sunshine through a window and a regular drink,
She cares for that which transforms unseen...
Can something so small become something great?

She waits and in a few days she sees green,
Such beautiful green, like living hope or reassurances of promise.
And daily it grows stronger and sweeter,
She aniticipates a wonderful harvest of good things...
For something so small can become something great!

Thanks to the Father, who transforms his seeds into great things that bring honor and glory to him.

Day 3: The Organic Life

How many mangos does it take to satisfy three African girls? Well, I don't know, but it's more than three... All I know is that buying a bunch of inexpensive fresh fruit and inviting these girls over was a good idea! We still don't have chairs or tables in our house, and no internet, but I'm beginning to realize that isn't such a bad thing. They like sitting or sprawling on the carpet, with a handful of mango, watermelon, and banana, just talking and laughing and sharing truth, love, and life. These are precious moments to me.

I realized this morning that this week I have been happier and more light-hearted than I've been in weeks. I am loving this spontaneous life - being around the neighborhood and available, sparking up conversations on the sidewalks, praying for and picking up kids and bringing them to the house whenever they come to mind. There's a lot of freedom, fullness, and fulfillment in that.

Today's Psalm was 98, and the command for the day was to sing, shout, exalt, and praise the name of the Lord! So... on Day 4 of our new and exciting and organic life, we will obey and see what marvelous things come of it!

An object lesson

What do a fly swatter, a stuffed panda, a hat, an umbrella, and a crown have in common? ...I had no idea either. I just threw them all in a bag, and handed them to some of my clever (if slightly bewildered) girls last night, and told them to come up with a story using all the items. It took some time to organize and let the creative juices flow freely, but then it happened... They blew me away with a hilarious skit about fairies and magic powers, a kidnapped king, and an intelligent and bold rescue.

But what about some more serious items? What if your bag contains an incredible, loving mother who dies suddenly of a brain aneurysm, or a child who is diagnosed at five months with an illness that takes her life four weeks later, or watching your parents go through an ugly divorce in the midst of your already complicated and emotional middle school years, or getting sent to what is locally known as "the bad kid school" where no one really believes you'll amount to anything, or laying in a hospital bed for two weeks wondering if you'll ever get to go home... You know life has meaning, and everything has a purpose, but in the midst of pain, loneliness, change, loss, helplessness, you can't for the life of you figure out what it is. What can you do when you look in your own "bag" and see things that make no sense?

Go to Jesus. Take your bag with you. Lay all the items out before him, and ask him for help - if not for understanding, at least peace. He will remind you of his presence, his care, his love for you. None of the items confuse, surprise, or bewilder him. He knows the purpose in each one, and his purposes are good. He knows the whole story, all the plot twists and how its going to conclude, and he is in control. So trust him... in the pain, loneliness, change, loss, and helplessness, trust Him. Give him your bag, and all your items, and let him tell his great and beautiful story through you.

Bake Sale for Malawi

In January, I asked our youth night girls what their goals were for this year. The overwhelming unanimous response was that they want to help others and make a difference in the world. Since then, we've been praying for local and global opportunities for them to do just that.

Last week, we learned from some International Teams missionaries in Malawi that there is a food shortage crisis in the refugee camp there. You can read the details about it here: http://www.iteams.org/us/2012/03/rations-short-for-dzaleka-refugee-camp-in-malawi/. So Hannah and I told the girls about it on Wednesday night, and they jumped at the chance to do something to help - a fundraiser... a bake sale! Oh goodness... when was the last time I did a bake sale? ...Have I EVER done a bake sale...?!

Yesterday morning started at 7:30 for Hannah and I... we had a pot of coffee, made a grocery list of supplies and ingredients, checked it twice, and then left our list at home when we went to the store. This was not on purpose. We tried and were actually successful in remembering and buying everything we needed. Then we picked up one of the girls and ran home. Thet Thet and I organized the mixing, baking, cooling/decorating, cleaning, and publicizing stations around Little Burma, while Hannah and Shannon gathered the rest of the girls.

At 11:00, the girls started working. In three hours, they mixed, baked, decorated, and packaged four dozen brownies, two dozen cupcakes, two dozen chocolate chip cookies, two dozen sugar cookies, three dozen peanut butter cookies, two dozen cake pops, and two bowls of "Chips O' Joy." They also made and posted signs around our block, set up an attractive sales table, decorated price placards, and wrote little thank you notes for our potential customers.

At 2:00, they took their places on the sidewalk with signs and at the table, giggling and bouncing and anticipating a great response. They made up a cheer that they shouted until they were hoarse: "HELP re-fu-GEES in MaLAWi - Whoop!" At one point, one girl was very concerned that none of our signs said anything about our cause, so she made a long banner that said it in big, bright words. Near the end of the time, they even walked door-to-door in the neighborhood with their goodies. The result was $170! Today we took the leftovers to our ESL classes and earned about $35 more. We still expect a few sales tonight and tomorrow - our goal is $240. $10 can provide enough food for one person for one month, and $80 can provide food for one person for the rest of the year.

I was so impressed with the girls, and am still amazed when I think about their love - their eagerness to help, the joy they found in serving others and campaigning for the support of the hungry. That kind of love-in-action changes lives, and changes the world!

Making signs

The Street Team



Mixing...

...Molding...

...And Baking!

The Packaging Table

The Cake Pop Masters!

The Sale Table



We are so excited!

The Epic Sign

The Advertising Team

"HELP re-fu-GEES in Ma-LAW-i!"

If you weren't able to come to the bake sale but would like to give to help feed the refugees in Malawi, go to the link above, and it will tell you how to give. We invite you to join us in this cause!

Finding true love

So, I'm a romantic. I dream and wonder when I'm going to meet the man of my dreams, and hope that it will happen, and someday soon. And while I am happy for my friends whose dreams come true, it does get challenging to watch another holiday season pass without an engagement ring, another New Year greeted without a kiss, another Valentine's Day without true love and high adventure, another late-April birthday (that I am realizing comes at the beginning of "wedding season") without actual wedding plans. I've spent a lot of time in the past year praying and hoping that it would have been the year for me, somehow, someway, with someone.

But you know what else I spent the past year praying and hoping about? My teenage friends in Fort Wayne. They've become incredibly important and precious to me, and most of the creative thoughts and exciting plans and intense prayers and sleepless nights I've had, have been about them. How can I love them more? How can I show them that love more? How can I show them God's love for them more? How can I get others involved in their lives? How can I help other people see in them the amazing things God has shown me? They are what I miss the most when I'm not in Fort Wayne. They make me crazy, and hyper, and exhausted, all at once. They give me strength and a reason to stick around indefinitely, even when my wanderlusting soul wants to keep moving and not sit still.

So I didn't fall in love this year with the man of my dreams. But God gave me a deep and profound love for a group of kids... something I didn't think He could do again, after I had to leave the kids I love so much in Winston-Salem. Those kids are growing up now and moving on with their lives - going to college, getting married, getting jobs, joining the military - and when I see them, my heart bursts with joy and breaks with love for them. They'll always be my kids, and I'll cherish the time we had together, and I will continue to pray for them and cheer for them... but now God has given me a new group of kids to love, too.

And just today, He made me realize that right now in my life, this is the true love he has for me; these are the people I need to invest my love in wholeheartedly, without having to share that love with someone else. His love is true... the truest love there is. And he's given that love to me. And I'm going to give it to them.

Christmas treats!

It's beginning to look... and sound... and smell a lot like Christmas around our house, thanks to our awesome international friends! On Saturday, we had some of the teen girls over to do some baking and preparing some treats. When we finished, the Zo church family came in and sang some Christmas carols for us!

Muddy Buddies - peanut butter and chocolate coated Chex mix,
powdered with sugar and sprinkles

Tidings of comfort -
Pretzels with chunks of Carmello bars and walnuts

Tidings of joy -
Pretzels with melted Hugs and M&Ms

Christmas cake - two-layer vanilla cake with whipped vanilla topping, sprinkles, and M&Ms

Zo church Christmas caroling

The best thing about the Christmas holiday is that we get to spend the whole month finding ways to share love and peace and joy with others! How can you do that today?

Fall leaf party

Yesterday the youth came over to I-House for their first service project - leaf raking! We've been praying for opportunities for the kids to help and give back to the community, and they talk about how thankful they are for the people at I-House, so we thought it might be the best place for them to start. I don't know what I expected, but I was completely overwhelmed with joy and pride for all the kids by the end.

Fifteen teenagers and ten leaders came, and in two hours they raked and cleaned the front and back yards of I-House, put away all the toys, soccer and basketball goals, furniture, and playsets, cleaned up the garages, and swept the driveway and parking lot. For those who have visited and seen the extensive property here - more than an acre - you know this is no small project!

But besides the impressiveness of the amount of work accomplished, I was really proud of the quality of their work and character. The kids worked together in teams, without arguing, complaining, or fighting, and they worked hard and steady (with a few playful jumps into mounds of leaves), with a wonderful attitude and big smiles on their faces. Whether they were sweeping, pushing the leave blower, riding the tractor, dragging a tarp full of leaves, or lugging tables to the back pavilion shelter, they were the picture of "cheerful givers" and "joyful servants." There was love and joy and life, and I am so thankful for each and every one of them!

Special guest post

This was written last night by 14-year-old Jessica, my friend and summer intern at I-House, as a reflection on what she learned during her time there:

In America, especially in these economic times, it's easy to see poor families. This mission trip, however, really put it into perspective that poverty is relative. Not only that, but the magnitude of your faith and happiness isn't contingent on your paycheck or job status.

Living in America, I have grown up with a concrete mindset of wants and needs. For example, if your house doesn't have toilet paper and paper towels, then you're living without the basic "necessities," or needs. But in Fort Wayne, I encountered people who lacked just that. Yet they still tried to bless our church with cash money, a 50 pound bag of rice, and insisting to purchase dinner for the entire group on the trip. This family did all this with a smile on their face, in such an earnest attempt to help us because we were serving God.

This experience has most definitely affected my prayer life, for now I'm able to more accurately discern between my wants and my needs. The people I met over this trip have shown me the truest levels of contentment and faith, and I pray that's something I never lose sight of.

A Youth Experience

What do you get when you have a Connie who is so confident in her stellar sense of direction that she doesn't print out a map to get to a friend's house where she has gone at least a half-dozen times before? You get a Connie who is 45 minutes late to an event that she is in charge of, and you fully appreciate the need for a GPS.

I couldn't take it anymore - not another Wednesday night without my Youth Night kids. It's been two months since I've been able to really hang out with them! So last night the girls got together for a photo/video scavenger hunt race downtown. I made phone calls, arranged rides, wrote riddles, planned three courses, then donned my hand-painted fish t-shirt and Peter Pan Converse shoes and headed out with Maelynn to "swing by" and pick up one of the girls from the southside. Bad news is, we went the wrong way down her street for 10 minutes. Good news is, we now know three different ways to get to that house!

When we met up with the other girls, hugs were rampant. Then we split up, ran around, got pictures and videos, had some good laughs, and managed to get the girls home by sunset. Maelynn and I got to go inside our girl's house when we returned her. The room was dark and hot, but the hospitality and conversation was light and refreshing. Visitations are quickly becoming my new favorite aspect of ministry.

Last night, I had a dream about all the kids. They came over to my house one or two at a time, and they were excitedly planning a surprise. I woke up before I learned what the surprise was (though I tried very hard to finish the dream!), but I woke up with a happy sense of anticipation. Youth group will begin again in three weeks, and we have lots of ideas and plans in the works. And I think God's got some good plans brewing too... I'm sure he's got a few exciting surprises up his sleeve, and I can't wait to find out what they are!

"Epicness, covered in chocolate," aka, TCF Mission Trip, Day 3

Today was our African Day - Somalian, Kenyan, Sudanese, Rwandan, and Congolese flavored our mission experience in colorful, exciting ways. The title of this blog is a quote from Sam, summing up the day perfectly. If you don't understand it, ask Sam... or just be very sorry you missed out on the fun. :) Enjoy the pictures!!

the infamous soccer game... Richard, you are brave.

snack time!

The kids adopted Peggy as their Grandma - "G-Ma P"

Sam taught three of the guys how to swim!

Miracles are happening every day

Girl talk! Why are we here? Because God loves you, and so do we!

"How are you, Mama Odette?" "Good, by the grace of God!"

African worship

brothers and sisters in Christ

"With God we will gain the victory!"

Psalm 108:13a