Farewell to the Hobbit Hole

I said good-bye to the Hobbit Hole yesterday for the last time.  Pictures, books, dishes and music were packed in boxes and bags, so that by the end it didn't look like home anymore... but homes are made of so much more than the stuff that hangs on walls and sits on shelves.

I still remember the first week we moved in, and didn't have any furniture. The people who came to visit didn't mind, they just made themselves at home on the floor, and said we were living "African style." Soon, Jared brought us some tables and Todd gave us some chairs, and who could have possibly known how those gifts would be used until they literally fell apart! Over the past two years, this house became a place of celebration, fellowship, and growth. Brilliant ideas were birthed there, and also carried into reality there; stories were told and art was created and tea was brewed and songs were sung and love was cultivated there. As you can see, we did a lot of eating, laughing, praying, studying, learning, and partying around that table, with friends from all over Fort Wayne and the world.

I hope that everyone who came into the Hobbit Hole felt welcomed and loved. I hope each person knew the grace and peace and love of God a little more when they left. He is the reason this house became a home, a refuge, a classroom, a coffee shop, a work shop... a center of life and community, and it's because of Him that we became a family. I love you with all my heart, and will never forget the beautiful moments we have shared together. 

A Letter to the Hobbits

To my dear hobbits,

It's been almost four weeks since we've been together. Brie traveled West and I traveled South to see our parents, brothers, and furry friends. Hannah is getting a tan and warding off mosquitoes in Africa, and Emilee is keeping vigil and defending our home against Snowpocalypse 2014.

And while we have each had our fair share of adventures (and the world is surely a better place because of them), I miss you all and just want to be with you again. I want us to put on fuzzy socks, light some candles, mix up some hot chocolate, and cuddle on the couch, reading each others' eyes and giggling at everything and nothing all at once. And if any of us had pipes to smoke, I'm sure that would be a part of our celebration too.

If I know anything about hobbits (and I like to think that I do), it's that they love to be at home. Hobbit Holes mean comfort - cozy old chairs, fully stocked pantries, hot drinks, and music and stories! But where do the stories come from? Well, that is the other thing about hobbits - as much as they love home, they know Adventure lurks outside their door and is bound to make them late for supper, but is worth the risk to find treasure and a good story. No matter where Adventure takes them, their heart still pines for the home they love.

That is what I've learned it means to be a hobbit - to feel a constant tension between the thrilling quest for true love and high adventure, and the safety and comfort of home... to feel a deep contentment to be still and cling to small moments, and at the same time a deep restlessness to seek and find more. I've seen each of us really wrestle hard with that tension over the past year. Rich, deep, full life is in both places, you know. And while we can only have one or the other at a time right now, I think the tension serves to remind and encourage us that in Heaven we will have both at the same time. Our longing for home and our longing for adventure will be wholly satisfied when we are with Jesus. And I am so glad we'll be there together - just think of the times we'll have!

Until that glorious day, let's keep wrestling - going out and coming back again - to live life as fully and bravely and powerfully as possible. We'll be back together soon, and I look forward to seeing how our tale continues to unfold. As long as we keep our eyes on Jesus, and spur each other on to following his lead, I know the story will be unexpected and wonderful.

May the hair on your toes never fall out,

Constance Baggins

Where's Connie?

Well, merry Christmas, and happy New Year to ya'll from mild, rainy NC! Sorry I disappeared there for a while... I would like to say I got whisked away by Peter Pan, but the truth is that any creative energy in me - physical and mental - has been used up daily for the past two weeks on a huge cross-stitch project that I finally finished yesterday. Took me 11 months to finish it, and I am super proud of it! I'll post a picture of it later.

Besides the project, I've enjoyed time with my family in Winston-Salem over the holiday, as well as a few precious hometown friends. Spent some significant time in Greensboro, too - got to meet Pastor Meng Pu's sister and family in their tiny humble apartment, had a great lunch meeting with the new I-Teams area director at Four Seasons Mall, and joined Kevan for weekly potluck and concerts with his community of Christian musician friends in the Glenwood neighborhood. All around, a relaxing and enjoyable trip home.

Before all that, the Hobbits (and cousins from the Nunnery) had a big holiday feast together, with a 20-pound turkey and all sorts of delicacies to accompany it. Then we went to Valparaiso and watched The Hobbit (part 2) together, and got snowed in at Brie's parents' home. The next day we took our Hannah to the airport for her big trip to Uganda, and picked up my mom to take her back to Fort Wayne. That night when we arrived back at the Hobbit Hole, we had to get our manly neighbors to shovel us in, because our alley, driveway, and ramp were piled eight inches high with snow! The next day, after my international Sunday school Christmas party, Mom and I drove down south.

I had planned to leave yesterday to get back to the Hobbit Hole, but then "Snowpocalypse 2014" attacked the Midwest, and with predictions of more than a foot of snow and negative degree temperatures and deadly wind chills, I decided to stay put for a few more days. Kevan and Richard have promised to take me out for an authentic crepes dinner this week to make the delay worth it, and I'm pretty sure they won't disappoint me.

So that's where I've been and where I am! I'll take a couple days to reflect on the past year and look forward to the next, so stay tuned!

A Special Visitor, Part 3

Just at the break of dawn, Peter Pan took me back to my Hobbit Hole. As he set me back down in my wheelchair, I felt gravity take over again, and my feet, hands, and shoulders felt more heavy than ever. He clicked my seat belt, and with a wink he turned to the door. It was more than I could bear, and I tried to shout, "Wait, Peter!" Only it came out in a choked whisper, because my heart was already quickly retreating from its momentary courage. "I can't do this... I can't hang on to hope when life keeps getting harder and I keep getting weaker. Can't I please go with you?"

He turned back and knelt before me, taking my hands in his. "The thing about flying up there," he said, tilting his head toward the ceiling, "is that life seems so far away - so small and distant. Sometimes you need to fly, to get some perspective... to know that the world is a lot bigger than you; that hope is bigger than your problems. But-" Peter jumped and sat on top of the counter with his legs crossed Indian-style and fiddled with the Burmese spoon, "if you stay up there, your life will always be small and distant. You'll have the stars, but not the people you love. I don't have anyone to love, so I don't mind. But you do," he said, putting down the spoon and looking me in the eye. "You are meant to live up close and personal. When you do, you see the wrinkles and cracks - all the imperfections and disappointments - and you feel every bump and splinter along the way. But you also get to see the intricate, beautiful details, and feel the comforting warmth, and hear the steady heartbeat of it. You wouldn't want to miss that, would you?"

I blink back tears, look away, and shake my head. No, I wouldn't want to miss that.

"Then live a big life!" he concluded, and flew toward the door. As it opened itself again, I heard the beep of the alarm, which sounded more like a tinkling bell. "The closer you press in to life, the bigger it becomes - the mess, the beauty, the pain, the joy, the love, the adventure - it all gets bigger! Don't run from it, whatever you do, and don't give it up for anything. Have courage, have hope, and live!"

I watched from the doorway as Peter flew out and did a few somersaults into the alley, and then tightrope-walked on the power line. Then he laid on his back with his hands behind his head and allowed the wind to carry him away over the rooftops. His laughter seemed to linger in the crisp morning chill that kissed my face. Finally, I closed the door, sniffled back the last remaining tear, and smiled. He'll be back, I told my heart with confidence. He still hasn't found where I hid his shadow. 

A Special Visitor, Part 2

Peter Pan tugged at my hand, urging me forward, but I couldn't follow him. I was strapped in to my wheelchair seat. "I can't go with you, Peter. I can't walk, you see." Stupid wheelchair, stupid disability, always holding me back, I thought angrily and fought back more tears.

But he laughed and shook his head. "What does walking have to do with any of it? We're going to fly." And with that, he unbuckled my seat belt and lifted me in his arms like I weighed nothing. Gravity didn't seem to have the least effect on him. He carried me as he flew through the open door and up, up, high up above the neighborhood. "You can't walk because you can't bear weight. But up here, that's no longer a problem. The wind will bear it for you!"

He sprinkled some pixie dust and held me by both hands. We danced among the stars, a beautiful effortless waltz, like we had both been doing this our whole lives. With him I felt strong and beautiful and fearless again, like nothing could hurt me and even death would be an awfully big adventure. We didn't go to Neverland. I'm all grown up now, so I can't go there anymore, but Peter said he had something even better in mind.

Hand in hand, we flew over the town, across the Midwest, over mountains, through the South, and up the west coast. We stopped at windows of the houses of my favorite people along the way, to wave and laugh and give hugs and kisses - Peter had a whole pocketful. We had snowball fights in the Rockies, then warmed ourselves over the hot springs in Montana. We had a water war in Lake Michigan and played hopscotch in the Outer Banks. We found a tornado in Kansas to swirl around in until we were dizzy, and balanced on the top of the Empire State Building as we looked down on all the glittering lights of the City.

During all this time, we didn't really talk - we just laughed and played. I'm glad, because I know Peter is clever, but not very wise or compassionate, and he isn't a very good conversationalist, and anyway, I wasn't in the mood for words.

But going on this grand adventure with him was good medicine for my heart. Without saying it, he was inviting me to believe and to hope again... not in the things of my childhood dreams, like Neverland or Grimm's fairy tales, but in something much more... battles that are much nobler to fight than with pirates and Indians, princes that are worth staying awake and alert for, love that goes deeper than songs and dances and kisses.

He showed me that to leave behind childlike magic doesn't mean letting go of it, but discovering a whole new layer of it that is more powerful and more beautiful than I could have dreamed. And it is not on the pages of books or in the Enchanted Forest, but in our world. Yes, this world has a lot of darkness and despair, and it is hard to find such beauty - rare and precious as jewels - but if hope stays alive, it can be found...

A Special Visitor, Part 1

The back door of the Hobbit Hole opened with the sound of a beeping alarm, and a blast of chilly wind blew down the hall and hit the back of my legs. I was alone, and not expecting company, so I waited to hear footsteps or a voice, but only heard the sound of winter.  Peter Pan must be visiting, I thought to myself with a sad smile, and went to the kitchen to close the door. Since moving in to the Hobbit Hole, I have made that my silly excuse for why the door opens itself on blustery days. Anyway it seems most probable, since I do keep his shadow tucked away in one of the hundreds of crannies in the house.

It was twilight, and the world outside looked blue with white highlights of snow and frost on rooftops and cars. I hesitated with my hand on the doorknob, letting the cold north wind kiss my cheeks and forehead. I wish it was Peter... my heart whispered. It whispered, because it has become timid and fearful in some ways this year, as though it still longs for true love and high adventure and beautiful magic and magical beauty, but is not quite so boldly certain it is real anymore.

The tears started to sting my eyes again, so I blinked, shook my head, and closed the door, telling myself it's the wind that made my eyes water and chest ache. Stop it now, I chastise my heart harshly as I have grown used to doing. None of that foolishness. Peter Pan isn't real. It's just the wind - it is all just the wind. I went back down the hall and back to work - there were papers to grade, lessons to write.

Then I heard a bell tinkle faintly, and the echo of a boyish laugh. I looked down the hall, and there he was - a boy in my kitchen, pulling drawers open and slamming them shut, getting distracted by odd appliances and getting amused by my Mexican parrot perched in the corner window. I would say I was shocked, but that's not true. As much as I have tried to disbelieve lately, my heart wouldn't let him go, so when I saw his pointed nose and mischievous grin and freckles and sparkling elvish eyes, I absolutely knew him.

He put down the Burmese soup spoon he'd found, and cocked his head to one side. "Girl," he said, "why are you crying?"

I touched my face and realized it was wet and the tears hadn't stopped. "I can't make my heart behave and act like a grown-up," I answered him roughly, embarrassed to meet him in such an emotional mess. "And anyway I wasn't crying."

He stayed where he was, and looked a little confused. "Why does your heart need to act like a grown-up?"

"Because I am a grown-up!" I said a bit impatiently. "I didn't want to be, it happened without me even trying, but here I am, and I need to let go of childish dreams and face reality and stop believing in all the stories, all the dreams; I can't believe in fai-" the look of horror on his face stopped my words and cut my heart and I burst into sobs.

He awkwardly stood by a minute, and I could tell he disapproved of overly dramatic girls, which made me love and hate him all at once, for I don't like them either and would rather laugh than cry, just like him. Then he lightly stepped in front of me and wiped a tear away, and held out a kiss in his hand. I sniffled and took it, and tried hard to get myself under control.

"Come away, come away with me," he whispered in my ear. I looked up to see if he was teasing. His eyes sparkled brightly, and he laughed in a way that said he was teasing, but he pulled on my hand anyway, taking a step toward the door that had burst open once more...

cuddle time, and wheelchair separation

Mile log: 877

The Ladies of the Hobbit Hole have a favorite hobby we call "cuddle time." Basically we pile around each other as close as possible, surrounded by every pillow and fluffy blanket we have. And we have a lot. I'm pretty sure we resemble cats, and I'm not at all sure who started this craze. Fuzzy pajamas, late nights, skilled huggers, ridiculously cold weather, and deep bonds of sisterly affection seem to encourage the behavior. Kind of a new thing for me, since I grew up without sisters or cats, but I'm learning. Maybe this is what the March family in Little Women was like? It does my heart good.

One of my favorite things about cuddle time is that I get out of my chair for a while. Don't misunderstand, "Svante the Svede" is very comfortable and capable of all sorts of convenient things that make my life easier. But armrests, footrests, handle bars, and headrest make human contact a bit tricky. Not to mention the joystick and buttons that are so easy to bump and cause all sorts of chaos. It feels like my personal bubble has its own armed security system. Sitting on a couch sort of eliminates all my potential to bruise, crush, or impale my friends who just want to hug.

It seems to have this weird surprise effect on people when they see me out of my wheelchair, like we are one unit that can't be separated. Maybe it's just like seeing Bono without glasses or Tom Selleck without a mustache... it's just iconic and hard to separate one from the other. And yes, I just compared my Swedish wheelchair to Tom Selleck's mustache.

I'm not sure what is more amusing: to see how people react to me without my chair, or to the chair without me. Usually people want to try to sit in my chair if they see it empty... interesting that I'm always looking for opportunities to get out of it, and people are most curious to get into it!

I am thankful for my wheelchair, but a little separation from him can be a good thing, especially when the alternative is cuddle time with my sisters.

A Hobbit's Tale, by Constance Baggins

Looking back at our tracks through the sandy clay loam earth of Oregon...
and at the unwavering faithfulness of God.

Three hobbits sit together around their favorite spot - the dinner table - enjoying some of their favorite past times - feasting and telling stories, reminiscing on grand adventures gone by.

Constance Baggins licks her sticky fingers and watches her friends on either side of her, trying to imagine how she could have ever gotten this far without them. She is tired and a little weary of the unexpected journey that is long and difficult, but also feels stronger and braver because of her companions. Hannah (Bangses) Gamgee - the faithful, gentle, quietly heroic one - twiddls her fork in her Carolina salad, a symbol of the faraway home and garden that she left behind to help and support Constance. Brie(henihenihooeyha) Took - the most adventurous, delightfully unpredictable, and magical one - grins at her giant hamburger with sparkling eyes for only a moment before taking a huge bite and closing her eyes in satisfaction.

"What has been our 'ring'?" Brie asks after many stories have been remembered. "Our ring of power, which calls to us, and tries to overpower us... that we carry and bear for one another with the intent to overcome and destroy?"

"Security," Constance says solemnly. "We think we want it, need it, but we really don't. And when we become content enough to cast it aside, something happens to us to make us desperately grasp for it again."

The three hobbits quietly chew their food in thought, each one recalling the physical, emotional, relational, financial, and spiritual battles they have fought over the past couple years.

"We think we can control it, and use it against our enemy..." Brie says.

"Thinking, 'If only I had...' then I could be stronger and more effective," Constance interjects.

"...But all that really happens is that it binds us and pulls us into darkness..." Brie continues.

"It doesn't bind us, but it calls to us," Hannah corrected. "The only power it has is what we give to it. We are attracted to it, and we choose to put it on - to view the world through that haze... and when we do, it seems so much more necessary, so much more vital and important... we forget we don't need it."

"And God has told us all that this ring - this security that the world makes us believe that we need - is really what would hold us back from the best and biggest adventures he has in store for us."

Interesting, to think of Tolkien's ring of power - so evil and destructive - as being something in our lives as neatly verbalized and highly esteemed as "worldly security." But the ring was beautiful and precious, wasn't it? And in our culture, we spend so much money, make so many plans, and put so much stock in our security... And yet, in walking with Jesus, everything gets flipped upside-down, and we find that worldly security is a destructive lie, and our only hope for security is in clinging to and chasing after the Lord. We hobbits are learning to release our desire for a safe and secure life, and charge head-first into the wild, dangerous, wonderful will of God, learning that he is the only Rock we need.

"For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God?

32 

It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure." - Psalm 18-31-32

**There is, of course, a fourth hobbit, not to be forgotten, for she is powerful, a little odd, and much loved. On this particular night, Emilee "Castle" Brandybuck was working late, serving drinks and locking up shop. But there will be more stories with her!

The last two days

Waking up in the Badlands again did something to my emotional stability. While Hannah and Anna checked us out of the motel and worked on a plan for the day, I sat in the desert field and stared at the sand castles, and cried. Couldn't really pinpoint at the time what was going on, but now as I think back I just realize I was so homesick. 

I thought about Brie and Emilee and Todd and Brandon and the others back home... and how I wanted so much to share all of this with them. And so much had happened in my heart during the week of camp that I really hadn't been able to process through yet, and I wanted desperately to return to my ministry team and talk for hours with them about it all. And being there in the Badlands, I was keenly aware that I was still 1,000 miles from home. I felt like Dorothy at the end of The Wizard of Oz... I didn't want the adventure to end, but I felt like the rest of the adventure was back in Fort Wayne. 

I don't remember much that happened that day or the next, and I don't think I was much fun... but Hannah and Anna bravely kept morale up and we got to see some more cool things before the end of the road. 

The girls climbed a sand castle... 

 We went to see Sioux Falls in SD...

The prettiest thing we saw in Minnesota were the clouds... 

And we spent the night in Madison, Wisconsin. The fact that we have no pictures of the last day of our trip is a testimony to the urgency we had in getting home. We drove through Illinois and into Indiana. Our plan was to get a Chicago-style pizza and eat it on the beach at the Indiana Dunes by Lake Michigan. But the pizza place we found did not make Chicago-style, and by the time it was ready, we were in the middle of a huge rainstorm... so we ate regular style Hawaiian pizza in a swanky pub and then drove two more hours in the rain. We got home and put on a pot of tea and just wandered through the empty rooms, wondering if anyone would come over to see us.

We were not disappointed! A knock on the door, and our dear Richard came in and welcomed us back. He started filling us in on the adventures he had had since we left, and his smiling face was the best sight I'd seen all day. Then we heard the familiar lumber of Brandon charging up the ramp and he burst into our kitchen, dripping wet and shrieking his joy at seeing us. Giant hugs and exclamations assured me that he missed us as much as I missed him. Then came Todd, just to give a hug and hear a quick story and offer us some ice cream before he had to run to work.Then Bethany and Rachel popped in, and we told the Glacier Park story for the third time in an hour - Richard was still there grinning and could probably have told the story better than us by then. Brie came home shortly after and my joy-and-love tank nearly burst. We were back in our Hobbit Hole, surrounded by friends and family.

Now that I've caught you up on the day-by-day adventure, I'll spend the next few days working through my reflections and all the things God's taught me.So stay tuned! The adventure isn't over... it's just beginning...

cherries, blueberries, and fireworks of faith

Blueberries. What a great way to start my day yesterday - blueberry syrup for French toast, hot blueberry tea, and a big bowl of fresh, organic blueberries with yogurt.

And the day ended with ice cream sundaes... with fudge, blue sprinkles and four cherries... my little mini-celebration of Independence day - ah, the sweetness of freedom.   

In between the blueberries and cherries was some pretty incredible talks, particularly with my Hobbit Hole roommates. There's a theme, we noticed, in a life of faith in Jesus: that just when we start to feel comfortable and secure, something gets shaken up to challenge us and deepen our faith. "It's like in Mario World," Brie and Emilee explained. "When you complete one level, you 'level up' to something more difficult, so your skills have to improve to move you forward to the goal." Similar concept goes for body builders who take on increasingly greater weights, or runners who push themselves further, or musicians who explore more and more difficult pieces of music... to grow in understanding, strength, endurance, and skill, the stakes have to be raised more and more. 

And so it is in faith... We experience something, wrestle with it, choose to trust God, surrender it to him, find him faithful in that experience, and rest in the knowledge that he is good and he is in control. Level up!! Another experience, harder to tackle than the last one... but we wrestle with it, choose again to trust God, surrender it to him, find him faithful yet again, and rest once more... Level up!! We encouraged each other, because when a challenge arises, we can remember that it is because we passed the last test and this is just another opportunity to depend on God more, trust him more, and discover a deeper level of his grace and love. 

So, as much as we would all love for things to stay as they are right now - in this level of life that we have figured out and are thriving in - we want to know God more, and be more powerful in him. The challenges will be bigger, the changes and obstacles will be scarier, but the rewards are greater. So, we're grabbing our "mushrooms" "feathers" and "fire flowers," taking a deep breath and charging ahead with faith as crazy and beautiful as fireworks... Level up!

My dream come true!

Mile log: 628  

I remember the feeling I had when I went to mission camp in high school - having an awesome week of crazy work, crazy ministry, crazy fellowship, and crazy spiritual growth, not wanting to leave, and crying when I had to say goodbye. I remember those long rides home, and how I tried to write down every detail so as not to forget, and how I prayed and wrestled with God about how much I wanted to live my life the way it was at camp... and how I thought it was impossible. There's no way life could look that incredible - I could only really call it "larger than life." But I have been hoping for it ever since... and praise God, in the past twelve years He's given me pieces and glimpses of that in many ways. 

This week, Kevan and Dad brought a group of teens from my home church, Triad Christian Fellowship, in NC, for a week of ministry with us here in Fort Wayne. "The Homestead" proved to be a perfect set up for this adventure - ten guys in the Lake House, and seven ladies in the Hobbit Hole! Talk about busy! We spent every morning at the Lake House having breakfast, Bible study, cross-cultural ministry training, and lunch... with the occasional push-ups work-out and loud sing-along. The afternoons were spent out in the community serving neighbors and friends, and then at the Hobbit Hole planning and preparing for the evening youth program at I-House. Basically, the Homestead Team wanted to bring these young people from NC alongside us in ministry, to share in what we get to do, and to help us with a new phase of our vision that we needed extra hands and feet (and brains) to accomplish.

Yesterday after breakfast, as I looked around the table, I realized this is my dream come true - and I didn't even realize it was my dream until it came true this week. You see, on those long car rides home from camp in high school, I let myself dream big. Here are some of my dreaming questions, and how they have come true:

• What would it be like to have a solid group of friends and ministry partners who have a common (but so extraordinary!) love the Lord and pour their energy and creativity into putting action to their passion? 

I can't thank God enough for the team he's placed me in right now in my life. He's put such unique gifts and personalities and strengths together in beautiful and messy unity, and especially this week I realized how much I need these people. So, special shout-out of gratefulness goes to our Homestead and its extended/transient dwellers: Hannah, Brie, Emilee, Bethany, Abby, Todd, Brandon, Ben, Will, and Erik. You are all gold, and I really love your guts! Thanks for showing me grace when I was stressed and cranky, for sweeping in to relieve me when I was overwhelmed, for basically "holding up my arms" throughout this week, and filling my heart with joy.

• What would it be like to settle into a place in a city where there are great needs that we can do something about and be a part of the restoration? 

I am so thankful for the preparation I received from the group of youth leaders in Winston-Salem five years ago, who taught me the importance of knowing the city I live in, praying for it, and being truly present in it. Fort Wayne is becoming my home and a place my heart breaks for, and it was a delight to share it with the team from NC. Special thanks and blessings to the Zo church community - for their love for all things Jesus-centered, for letting us come a-caroling and praying, and for the summer-long supply of pop they generously gave - I continue to learn so much and be humbled by this people group. Also thanks to Miss Ruth, The Reclamation Project, International House, and Gospel Community for embracing partnership and welcoming the team into their lives and ministries all week.

• What would it be like to have a safe place to rest and study God's word and fellowship with other believers, to help them grow and encourage them in their faith?

It still amazes me that God put two houses together, back-to-back in an alley, and placed Christian guys in one and Christian girls in the other, and gave them a common love for hospitality. We could not have made that happen on our own if we had tried! As you read above, our houses have become a center for growth and training and sending - HUGE answer to prayer. The Homestead has been a blessing to me all year, and this week it was beautiful to see it operate as a training base for young believers to deepen their faith. Special thanks to those who planned and led lessons and discussions and prayer times - your wisdom, experience, and passion is so inspiring!

• What would it be like to invite young Christians into my life, to walk beside me and get a glimpse of God's kingdom here on earth... to help them put on their "spiritual glasses" so they know how to find that kingdom back home or wherever they are?

The NC team... what a stellar group! It delighted my heart to do life with them this week: prayer walk with them, ride in the car with them, eat breakfast with them, sing with them, play Mafia with them... They worked so hard and did everything we asked them to do and more. And though as a group they are a pretty quiet bunch, I loved the moments I had alone with each one, when they asked great questions or gave amazing insights. It was a blessing to see their dedication, willingness, and love throughout the week. So finally, a major shout-out to our epic crew - Bethany, Sarah, Richard, Sam, Ryan, Dad, and Kevan. Thanks for being the hands and feet of Jesus to us, the youth night crew, and to Fort Wayne this week!

This morning this beautiful crew from NC drove away... away from "The Homestead," and back to "real life" as they know it. But I hope they know that life can be larger, can be as exciting as this. I was sad to see them go, but I have hope, and look forward to seeing and hearing what greatness will happen to them because of what they experienced here. I pray that God has put his kingdom seed in them and that they will pray and serve and be grounded in his Word and keep their spiritual glasses on... that He will lead their steps to go where he calls, and enlarge the capacity of their hearts to love as he does. I pray that this is the kind of impact we have on the world here at the Homestead.

Princess Tea at the Hobbit Hole

"Ella, what is your favorite thing to do in Fort Wayne?"

Without hesitating, the six-year-old little girl with pigtails and freckles on her nose answered, "Coming to your house."

Well, if that doesn't melt your heart, nothing will! Tonight, Emilee's friends, Adam and Jenny came to visit us with their three daughters, Ella, Natalie, and Laura.

After dinner, Hannah and I made a pot of tea, and sat in our kitchen nook... and the little girls wanted to know what we were doing. So we got a tiny tea cup out and poured a little of our tea for Ella to try. She looked in the cup, then at our cups, and said, "Why does it look different?" Well, we explained, we like to put milk and tea in ours. So Ella insisted on having milk too, tried it, liked it, and shared it with Natalie, who also liked it. So the tiny cup was drained quickly and had to be refilled.

They  went outside to play, and about five minutes later, Ella came back and asked for more tea... and then ran to the door to announce to her family that she was going to have a tea party with us. So of course, Natalie ran to join us. She stared at the tiny tea cup and said, "Can I sit on the lap?" Hannah said, "The lap? Do you mean my lap?" We laughed as she climbed up, and Ella dragged a chair in, and Natalie pointed to the tea pot. "I need some tea from that, and then some sugar, and then some milk." I love it... she is picking our tea tradition up pretty fast. She used the spoon to stir it carefully, gently blew on the steam, and took a gulp that splashed down her chin. "Here, take some smaller sips like this," I demonstrated how to hold and sip, and batted my eyelashes. "That is how the Princess of England drinks her tea!" Oh, that was all those girls needed to hear. They took turns sipping like princesses, and begged for more... with more sugar.

Hannah explained to the girls that at our house, the first cup of tea means you are getting to know each other, the second cup means you are friends, and the third cup means you are family. "So now, we're family!" I said to them. "We're like sisters...!" But they didn't think that was right. That unspoken expression on their faces said there were too many years between us. So I ammended my statement, "We're like your aunties! Is that ok? Can we be your Aunties like Emilee?" At that they smiled big - they love Emilee a lot, and yes, we could be aunties. 

Hannah and I agreed we need to get a couple more little girl-sized tea cups, and we promised them that whenever they come over, we will have little princess tea-parties. After all, our house is their favorite place in Fort Wayne! 

The Abbess of the Southern Homestead

Mile log: 579

Meet Abby. Or "The Abbess," as she has recently been christened. She is doing life with us at the Hobbit Hole this summer, and teaching English, doing Bible study, hanging out with girls, and learning all sorts of great cross-cultural lessons in the process. She is totally creative and brilliant. She's got me reading Moby Dick with her this summer, and wants to start a street act called "Shoeless Shakespeare," which you will hear about later, I'm sure. She loves British television, has a crush on Benedict Cumberbatch (but then, who doesn't?), and has the sound of the Dr. Who phone booth as her ringtone.

Abby has decided that "The Hobbit Hole" and "The Lake House" across the alley are in such tight-knit community, and have such a comfortable family-feel, that they should collectively be known as "The Homestead" - our house being the "Southern Homestead."

Tonight we were just hanging out in our dining room - me, Hannah, Brie, and The Abbess. We had costume dress-up time, ate a bag of marshmallows, and giggled until we couldn't breathe. Others from our family dropped in and added their own special elements to the evening, and the four of us just got to sit  here and receive it all as it came, with an open back door and plenty of chairs... One of those community ministry moments: if you are open and available, all sorts of spontaneous fellowship can occur.

I love how our family just keeps getting bigger, and our table just keeps growing to make room for more... it is a dream come true for me. I love having a new little sister around to tease and tell stories and come up with crazy ideas... and I'm really loving our morning Bible study through 1 Thessalonians, our prayer time together, going to visit families and teaching English together. I love how, as is true with each new person who joins our community, Abby brings her own flavor of Joy and Hope, Salt and Light, Love and Grace to life, and as she abides in Christ, he is working in her to make the ministry even deeper, richer, fuller, and more incredible.

Welcome to the family, Abby!

The Women of the Hobbit Hole

Brie, Connie, Emilee, and Hannah

Meet the women of the Hobbit Hole.

This month, Brie and Emilee joined our community in a big way by moving in with Hannah and I. And now, I cannot imagine my life here without them.  We have so many good times together, watching movies, talking about Jesus, hosting spontaneous parties, cooking gourmet food...

Our most recent adventure together was designing our own live Clue game dinner party last night for some of our most dramatic friends. SO. MUCH. FUN. These girls made a culinary masterpiece for dinner, and we decorated the house and made all the cards, game pieces, invitations, secrets and clue notebooks. No one could imagine all the work that went into it to make it amazing in every way.

A casual spectator might think we are quite ordinary. We all have our "day jobs" - Brie takes pictures and works at the Red Cross, Emilee serves coffee, Hannah makes sandwiches, and I teach English. But look a little closer, and you'll find that our REAL identities are much more exciting - we are here to love and serve, to shake salt and shine light, to proclaim freedom for the captives, to restore sight to the blind, to bind up broken hearts, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and announce the coming Kingdom that will be good and right and will never end. We are creative, hilarious, passionate, dedicated, loving, gutsy, REAL women. Each one is gorgeous and unique, and brings elements - gifts, talents, strengths, delights - to the house that add life and beauty, and compliment the rest of us. And when we are together, we are more powerful - possibly even magical...? - and more incredible.

That is what happens when women let the Spirit of the resurrected and living God change and fill and move them. So pray for us, because we want to keep doing that, and holding on to Jesus as the reason and motivation for all that we do.

Where did you come from?

This week my ESOL class from the college came over to my house for dinner. There are 16 people in my class, from 9 different countries! They brought food, so we got to enjoy things like Peruvian potato-cheese sauce, Tai noodles, and Haitian baked chicken. Mmmmm...! I was so proud of the way they all engaged each other in English language conversations. There was a lot of joking and laughing, too, which made me believe they were comfortable and happy and felt welcomed and loved in our little Hobbit Hole. 

As we sat around the dining room, our conversation turned to the topic of immigration - where did you come from? What was the process that you had to go through to get here? There was a variety of answers, all very interesting, and it was fun to learn more about their families and histories, and share ours with them. And as we recalled the steps that have led us here, I thought about how important it is for followers of Jesus to take time to remember spiritually where we have come from, and how we've been brought into life and freedom and redemption... 

"Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you..." - Deuteronomy 15:15

"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air... All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved." - Ephesians 2:1-4

"Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." - 1 Corinthians 1:26-27

"When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 6:20-23

"Just add water, and count to three... one and two and-!"

A small miracle is occurring at our Hobbit Hole. Well ok, miracles are actually happening all the time at our Hobbit Hole... Prayers are answered, relationships are restored, divine appointments are arranged, language barriers are broken, and the list goes on. Life feels a bit magical right now, and it is thrilling to live it out.

But there is a peculiar thing that has been quietly happening on our kitchen window sill this month. Granted, we fully hoped and expected our herbs to grow taller and thicker, and we have not been disappointed about that. What we didn't expect or even consider hoping for was a taller, thicker prince.

You may recall my recent post about Small Hannah's frog that turned into a cute little munchkin prince - one Mr. Knightly, by name - who was, as Crazy Hannah put it, "Every inch the man he was meant to be." Once he was fully transformed, we drained the water out of his tightly sealed container, and set him on the window sill.

A few days later, one of our teen girls, Thet Thet, was making something in the kitchen, and decided the prince needed more water, and she filled his container up again.  The next morning, Mr. Knightly had quite literally DOUBLED in size! He was a whopping 2" tall. Hannah was a bit freaked out, so she drained him again, thinking he was maybe bloated...

But he maintained his stature, and we admired him a great deal for it. So, when curiosity got the better of us, we filled him up again... and sure enough, he now stands at 4" tall, and has nearly outgrown his container, which we cannot break open in a legal way. Now we're wondering if there was a reason for the secure seal...

Two questions: Should we find a way to release the growing prince to expand without limits? And what do you think will happen if we do?  

1" tall Mr. Knightly

4" tall Mr. Knightly

All princes start as frogs, Part 1

Meet Mr. Knightly.

Or "Mr. Insert-favorite-Jane-Austin-gentleman's-name-here." For Hannah, it's Mr. Knightly. Yes, he looks a little green around the gills, and yes, he's a bit stumpy and warty, and yes, he is contained in a small plastic jar. But the box promised that with true love's kiss... and a 5-minute soak in cold water... this frog would become a prince. So we gave it a shot.

As the water poured in, we were sure there was instant transformation... Here is a transcript of some of what was said between four sisters - Brie, Hannah, Hannah, and me.

Minute 1:

"It's turning white!"
"It may take up to 5 minutes..."
"Really? That long? Well, I suppose it is a prince..."
"All good things to those who wait."

Minutes 3:

"I feel like we should shake him..."
"He needs time! He's molting!"
"Yeah, give him time... Hey, this will last a lifetime, so he can take all his time..."
"The best guys are worth the wait."

Minute 5:

"Stir him! Encourage the process! Maybe the magic needs some help!"
"No, no, it'll ruin him if it goes too fast."
"You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles."
"Exactly."
"Well, I was expecting a whoosh-boom kind of transformation."
"It's realistic."
"You're right. In the scope of our timeline... for today... he's coming very fast."

Minute 8:

"He doesn't look like a prince - he just looks like an albino frog."
"Is he acting like a prince?"
"He's taking all our ridicule very well... That's a good quality..."
"Look! He's deflating!! ewww, He's bubbling from the head..."

Minute 10:

"Hannah, what has waiting created in you? Are you still patient? kind? and gorgeous?"
"I hope so. I'm ready to  meet this person..."
"I think he's getting smaller."
"Maybe the water should have been colder."
"Is he bubbling faster?"
"Maybe he realizes he needs to hurry up. He knows you're doubting him."
"I'm not doubting!"

Minute 13:

"It's like all his insides are coming out first."
"I think it will become a hollow shell and then just fall off."
"So there's a lot going on that we can't see..."
"He's having an internal battle-"
"An internal change-"
"From the inside out!"
"He's changing his ways for you..."
"And for himself..."
"You're right, it would better him not to be a frog."

Minute 15:

"I wonder if I can see his head..."
"I don't think so, I feel like he needs more water."
"No, not allowed. Leave him alone."
"He's making strides."
"He's still looking very frog-like..."
"What if he's a midget? Just an inch tall?
"Then he'll be every inch the man he's supposed to be!"

Minute 20:

"Twenty minutes! Five minutes is a scam!"
"We need to give him some more ice water..."
"Yeah, let's help him out. This is tragic."
"Maybe we should not watch him."
"He does have four women staring at him. That's a lot of pressure."
"What if there's nothing in there at all?"
"Ok, no, he's in there... I know he is... I just have to wait."
"Have faith..."
"Yes, faith, hope and love - these are things we're working on this year, remember?"

Minute 35: After two more ice water soaks, Hannah decided to break protocol and stab at the stubborn shell with a straw...

"Chisel it away!"
"Come out of there!"
"Want that prince! Want him!"
"Fight for him! Fight for your man!"
"Get me a sturdier straw! It's not working!"

Minute 40:

"Now I can't get the rest, but we can see him!"
"He's not shirtless..."
"Mr. Knightly, eh?"
"Are you gonna give him a kiss, Hannah?"
"Yes!"
"Well he did take his good old time..."
"But he was worth it!"

The Organic Life, part 4: Home

Tonight I was at the home of a family from our church. It was warm and cozy, with a fire in the fireplace, a dog on the couch, and the wife folding clothes in the dining room. I visited with friends and played with the puppy and didn't want to leave... I wanted to curl up on the couch with an afghan and take a nap.

Last night was similar - girls night was at a house with a spacious den and a kitchen with savory-smelling pots and pans on the stove. And Monday night, the cookie exchange was at a house that felt like it had been featured in Southern Living magazine and smelled of pine needles and sugar cookies. And a few weeks ago, I was settled in a recliner in a peaceful farmhouse with a cup of tea and an old piano nearby. Each one made my heart so contented that I wanted to cry.

And I can't decide if the emotion I feel is homesickness, or comfort, or longing for my own home and family... maybe a little of all that, maybe more. I just love the feeling of peace and rest found in these homes, like time slows down and the world gets smaller and life gets simpler... I don't think my house is as charming and cozy as the ones I've been in lately, but I do love it when people drop in for a cup of tea, or fall asleep on my couch, or hesitate to leave, lingering just a little longer. I hope they find peace and rest here in our Hobbit Hole... 

Hannah says this is another aspect of organic ministry... being in homes, extending and accepting open doors and welcoming embraces... being in community, in the most authentic way possible... realizing that hospitality isn't really about gormet foods and fine linens and fancy planned parties, but about cozy couches, piles of clean laundry, stories and laughter. It's really about being together, and sharing life-in-the-raw, beautiful and real.

The tradition of giving thanks...

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. It's also been one of the most traditional. Here's my classic Thanksgiving Day tradition: 1) Being home with my family, 2) watching the Macy's parade, 3) watching the dog show, 4) having a fire in the fireplace even if it is 60 degrees outside, 5) watching my mom flit around the kitchen in her apron all day, cooking and smiling, 6) getting dressed up even if we go nowhere, 7) having turkey and pumpkin pie, 8) working on a puzzle/project with dad, 9) playing music with Kevan and digging out our favorite Christmas albums, 10) watching It's a Wonderful Life.

None of those things happened this year - absolutely none of it. I woke up this morning and felt a little bit sad that things were so extremely different, with no semblance of anything familiar. But at the same time, I wouldn't have traded the gifts of yesterday's celebration for anything.

My friend Anna is here visiting me from NC, and that is a huge gift. I got to be with Hannah too, and she has been one of the greatest gifts in my life in the past year - my Samwise Gamgee. And I couldn't help but think about last spring, and how I didn't think I would live to see this Thanksgiving, or at least that I would not still be living and thriving and growing in Fort Wayne. What a dark time in many ways, but it is such a testimony of the Lord's power and faithfulness and mercy to me, so even for that three-month time - what Hannah and I affectionately refer to as "The Curse" - I am truly thankful.

This Thanksgiving, we picked up six of our dear teen girls and spent the day with them in the kitchen and around the table. We decided that since the first Thanksgiving was about people coming together across cultures to thank God for his love and provision for all of them, we should do that here. So we made sambusas, chipote bread, wontons and wonton soup, mashed potatoes, corn, cranberry spread, cranberry and orange scones, and southern sweet tea. The air was filled with spices and fried oil... and it was delicious! We watched Beauty and the Beast together, and listened to Indian music and of course, Justin Beiber... who we are all quite thankful for. ;) 

I loved watching the girls work together, giggling and singing and talking. I am so thankful for each of them, and the precious times we've had together. I'm thankful for the ways I've seen them grow and mature and blossom into lovely young ladies who are learning what it means to really love. I'm so glad the Lord brought me to this city and gave me these friends. I'm thankful for this year, for all the crazy times of danger and heartbreak and joy and change and peace and adventure, and for the overwhelming love and grace I have received.

After the girls went home, we were quiet for a long time - watching from our big front window as our neighbors draped Christmas lights on their houses, drinking tea, and working on sewing projects like the Jane Austin characters we imagine ourselves to be. No, it wasn't traditional at all, but it was beautiful and rich.

Today we had apple pie for breakfast. Today the Christmas music playlist is being compiled. Today my thanksgiving can't stop. While the feast and the party is over for now, the tradition of thanks is daily, constant, and it just keeps overflowing...

24 hours of community

I absolutely love my life.

Last night, 6:00 pm - I found myself in the most picturesque picnic dinner with pasta, a dining table under an autumn tree, real dishes, and an awesomely eclectic and motley crew of neighborhood friends, in that rugged-yet-sophisticated style that "Mumford and Sons" fans could appreciate. The sun set, the air turned cool, and we shuffled next door to the comfort of a bonfire and s'mores and storytelling. We came together because of a birthday, but this night helped us transition from being strangers and neighbors to friends and family.

This morning, 10:00 am - I sat in the corner of my dining room, taking in all the laughter and love oozing from the 23 friends who drank coffee, ate bagels, sang hymns, and generally filled up every inch of space in my living room, dining room, and kitchen. Our little Hobbit Hole was maxed out and I was thrilled! These are friends who love Jesus and love our local community, and want to authentically live on purpose here. I get a rush from just being with people like this, who care about the things I care about and who want to work together to see God's kingdom grow. Like Bilbo Baggins, I anticipate a grand adventure ahead of us.

This afternoon, 3:00 pm - I was sipping a pumpkin chai at my favorite coffee shop with Hannah and two of our dear African girls. We were listening to John Denver and debating if a certain piece of art was a painting or photograph, and one of the girls just leaned back and smiled so big. With a sparkle in her eye she told me how she liked this place because it was so restful and relaxing. I agreed and can't wait to tell the owner, who is a Christian pastor who opened this little establishment to be a light and a blessing to the community. Well done, Sid!

This evening, 5:00 pm - I ate the most amazing Middle Eastern food EVER at my student's house,  in her back sun room that looked out on a huge yard and well-tended garden. Her mother-in-law kept urging me to "Eat! Eat!" and her husband shared with me how his family left Iraq in the '70s and came to America. My student can speak the oldest language known to man, but she chooses to speak English so that we can be friends. As we thanked them and said good-bye, she packed a big bag full of leftovers for us to take home, and gifted us also with a bag of special tea. We're excited to share our international feast with more friends this week.

After 24 hours of beautiful, fulfilling community life, my "love tank" is so full, it's overflowing! I can't believe I get to live like this... being with people, investing in them and sharing with them and receiving from them in a way that is so meaningful and life-giving. Thank you, God, for such an exciting, incredible life!