One day at training we had the "Relationship Talk," which means... the married women went in one apartment and made cookies (which they shared with the whole hall afterward), the single ladies went in another apartment and found a theme song on Youtube, and the married guys went to another apartment to do... whatever it is that married guys do when they're together. And no, there were no single guys in this scenario, but that's a topic for another blog.
The Single group, I'm certain, was the most lively, and it was fun to be together and talk about this aspect of our lives on which we can uniquely relate to each other. It was pretty impressive, the number of ladies who declared that God had given us contentment in our singleness (Note: "Content" does not mean "no interest or desire to get married," it just means having peace, joy, and purpose in the midst of the Waiting). We agreed that God is the one who is in charge of our futures, which would be a wonderful thing for people to remember when they ask, "So when are you going to get married?" and being single is not a curse or tragedy as some seem to believe when they look at us sadly and say, "Don't worry, you still have time," (a phrase that tends to sound less confident, the older single women get).
Having established these points of bonding, we joked about pyromaniacally attracting firemen and how AAA is a good substitute for a husband... but in the end, some of us (maybe all of us, if we're honest?) still admitted we want to be married some day. We discussed the inner conflict of being content in singleness and desiring husbands, but we didn't really come to a solid conclusion about how that happens. It just seems like it's a constant emotional flux.
Sometimes married women tell single women that as great as married life is, it has its own challenges, and the benefit to singleness is the freedom we have to do what we want. I suppose this may be true for most people, but I don't see this as being a huge issue for me. Because of my disability, I can't do whatever I want whenever I want... I'm dependent on the help of other people, so I need to work my schedule with others', give them plenty of notice about what I need, and say no to things that are unreasonable to ask them to do. Besides, I would hope that being married would be a positive change in my life, opening doors of opportunity and possibility that aren't available now. I know that I am complete and whole in Christ; but I've seen enough good and healthy marriages that I believe a partnership can be beautiful and incredible... an enhancement, rather than a completion. God's given me a life of great adventure, and I pray that the adventure will only get more exciting if I gain a partner with whome I can share it.
I don't write about singleness much, not because it isn't a big deal to me, but because I would rather focus my writing on the other blessings and gifts God's given me, and the many ways he is teaching me and shaping me into the person he wants me to be. He knows my heart and my desires, and he fills my life with love and purpose, and when I ask him to, he grants me grace and patience for each day and faith in him to take care of my future. And I guess maybe that's the conclusion I've come to as a single lady... that singleness really isn't as much about independence as people think - it's about full dependence and trust in the Lord to see and understand and provide just what I need day by day.