Today I am 37 years old! Every birthday I celebrate feels like a miracle and a victory, and is weighty proof of the Lord's mercy and faithfulness to me. I don't think he would allow me to see another year, another day, another hour or even another breath if he didn't have purpose in it - for me to learn and grow and see him more, and for me to get to play a role (no matter how big or small) in his kingdom work.
I relate to the world and reflect on my experiences quite often through stories and songs - I make a playlist on Spotify each year to catalog my memories of what happened and how I felt, sort of a musical scrapbook or journal. There are so many songs - everything from Disney tunes to Switchfoot, to Drew Holcomb, to Kermit the Frog! But one song has been sticking around in the soundtrack of my life for the past couple years that I want to highlight today...
From the first time I heard it in the movie,
The Greatest Showman, the words to "Tightrope" jumped right out of the context of the movie and echoed the prayer of my heart to the Lord. You can hear the song and read the lyrics here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmGJTtXE2Mo
In the Christian community, we talk about our relationship with God like it's a "walk." And since I can't walk physically, I typically don't use that lingo because I can't relate. But oddly enough, I profoundly relate to this song's imagery of tightrope walking, when it comes to my faith journey! Over the past several years, I've found that life with God can be flat-out terrifying.
I mean, it doesn't have to be... it can be pretty basic and calm, paved and level and (dare I say it?) boring - but only if that is all we want it to be. I believe God actually allows us to choose what that relationship looks like, to an extent. And if all we want is for him to bless our food, keep us safe, and get us through another day of our routine, then so be it... I believe this is true, because there was a time in my life when I begged him to back off and let me do things my own way, and He did. And I enjoyed it for about two minutes. I didn't feel free or in control at all - I felt weak, small and insignificant and so lonely without his hand in mine.
He wants so much more for us - He wants to be so much more for us! And when I realized that, and said yes to him in a whole new way, my life was forever changed.
So I said yes - yes to exploring new heights and depths of my faith, yes to discovering wild and amazing things about God and his heart, yes to true love and high adventure in whatever way he chose to give it. I wanted to experience a faith life that was on the excitement level of Indiana Jones!
Except... have you seen what Indiana Jones went through?? Snakes, spiders, poison darts, cave-ins, exploding airplanes, and did I mention the snakes?? To have great adventure, I must accept the very real possibility of great risks... I may get hurt, I may fall, I may lose everything... I may not make it out alive. And I have to be ok with that, convinced that God's love is better than life, and that knowing Christ means becoming like him in his death. Giving him free range of the journey and committing to follow him into the Great Unknown means I literally have no idea where he'll take me, but it's probably not where I ever thought I'd go, and will very likely take me through places and seasons that I never wanted to see.
But to experience adventure - the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus as my Lord - requires courage to say yes. Not just an initial "yes" to receive forgiveness an salvation, but a daily yes - very often a "yes" for every new step I take. Because when He goes on an adventure, he takes my hand and invites me off the well-paved, fully-accessible path. He asks if I trust him with the road less traveled. And if I say yes to that, then he asks if I trust him in the dark where I cannot see. If I say yes to that, then he asks if I trust him on more perilous terrain, slippery rocks, sheer cliff faces, stormy seas, or a tightrope stretch out across the Grand Canyon. And every time I choose to trust him, he antis-up the risk, but also the pay-off - a breath-taking view of his grace and splendor that paralyzes me with wonder and awe and gives me the desire and courage to say yes to Him again.
Just like every other year of my life, I have no idea what God has planned for the year ahead. I hope this year has more well-lit corridors and fewer snakes. I hope I experience more deep-breath victories on mountain tops and fewer moments of vertigo in looking down at the abyss below me. But whatever happens, I hope God will keep leading me by the hand and that I keep saying yes... Whatever happens, I want to continue this adventure with Him.
