Or "Mr. Insert-favorite-Jane-Austin-gentleman's-name-here." For Hannah, it's Mr. Knightly. Yes, he looks a little green around the gills, and yes, he's a bit stumpy and warty, and yes, he is contained in a small plastic jar. But the box promised that with true love's kiss... and a 5-minute soak in cold water... this frog would become a prince. So we gave it a shot.
As the water poured in, we were sure there was instant transformation... Here is a transcript of some of what was said between four sisters - Brie, Hannah, Hannah, and me.
"It's turning white!"
"It may take up to 5 minutes..."
"Really? That long? Well, I suppose it is a prince..."
"All good things to those who wait."
"I feel like we should shake him..."
"He needs time! He's molting!"
"Yeah, give him time... Hey, this will last a lifetime, so he can take all his time..."
"The best guys are worth the wait."
"Stir him! Encourage the process! Maybe the magic needs some help!"
"No, no, it'll ruin him if it goes too fast."
"You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles."
"Well, I was expecting a whoosh-boom kind of transformation."
"You're right. In the scope of our timeline... for today... he's coming very fast."
"He doesn't look like a prince - he just looks like an albino frog."
"Is he acting like a prince?"
"He's taking all our ridicule very well... That's a good quality..."
"Look! He's deflating!! ewww, He's bubbling from the head..."
"Hannah, what has waiting created in you? Are you still patient? kind? and gorgeous?"
"I hope so. I'm ready to meet this person..."
"I think he's getting smaller."
"Maybe the water should have been colder."
"Is he bubbling faster?"
"Maybe he realizes he needs to hurry up. He knows you're doubting him."
"I'm not doubting!"
"It's like all his insides are coming out first."
"I think it will become a hollow shell and then just fall off."
"So there's a lot going on that we can't see..."
"He's having an internal battle-"
"An internal change-"
"From the inside out!"
"He's changing his ways for you..."
"And for himself..."
"You're right, it would better him not to be a frog."
"I wonder if I can see his head..."
"I don't think so, I feel like he needs more water."
"No, not allowed. Leave him alone."
"He's making strides."
"He's still looking very frog-like..."
"What if he's a midget? Just an inch tall?
"Then he'll be every inch the man he's supposed to be!"
"Twenty minutes! Five minutes is a scam!"
"We need to give him some more ice water..."
"Yeah, let's help him out. This is tragic."
"Maybe we should not watch him."
"He does have four women staring at him. That's a lot of pressure."
"What if there's nothing in there at all?"
"Ok, no, he's in there... I know he is... I just have to wait."
"Yes, faith, hope and love - these are things we're working on this year, remember?"
Minute 35: After two more ice water soaks, Hannah decided to break protocol and stab at the stubborn shell with a straw...
"Chisel it away!"
"Come out of there!"
"Want that prince! Want him!"
"Fight for him! Fight for your man!"
"Get me a sturdier straw! It's not working!"
"Now I can't get the rest, but we can see him!"
"He's not shirtless..."
"Mr. Knightly, eh?"
"Are you gonna give him a kiss, Hannah?"
"Well he did take his good old time..."
"But he was worth it!"