Monday, April 8, 2013

A general message

I haven't written in a while. Sometimes that means there is nothing to say, nothing worth writing down. But lately there has just been too much. Every day for the past month has been packed - truth, beauty, love, power, joy, hope, pain, comfort, peace, faith... little moments in God's Word, with a friend in the car, with my roommates late at night, with my neighbors in the kitchen, listening to music, watching movies, reading books aloud, writing poetry, eating food, singing loudly, speaking softly, laughing until we cry... There's been no fluff, no wasted space - even rest has been intentional. It hasn't been busy-ness, it's just been fullness, and it's overwhelming. There was a wedding I got to be a part of, and a tiny new baby I got to hold, a visiting pastor from Burma I got to pray with, and a college group I got to train; and so many conversations, so rich and powerful.

I realized this week that it has been a year since I was in the hospital. And I realized today that it has been a year since that beautiful Easter morning of hope that I wrote about. I opened an old journal that I haven't used in a while, and the first page was my thoughts in the hospital about the day I thought I would die - I wanted to die. They are dark thoughts, thoughts of fear and anger and hopelessness. It alarmed me to re-read such things in my own handwriting, but I am so thankful for it, because it reminds me of where I was and how much God has healed me since then. I am so grateful that he has given me a whole year in his mercy, and he has swept me away in his grace. 

I'm making a list of all the posts I need to catch up on, so you can enjoy some of the details too. But this broader, more general message is to let you know that by God's grace I am still here - still breathing, still living, still smiling, still hanging on to hope - and He is still doing marvelous things in this little "bowl of cherries."

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