Thursday, August 14, 2014

All the wrong questions

Earlier this year I read the first couple books in a series by Lemony Snicket called "All the Wrong Questions." It included "Who could that be at this hour?" And "Where did you see her last?" I think the next question is something like "Shouldn't you be in school?" The point is that a young apprentice  detective is learning not to waste time asking questions that A: don't have answers, B: have obvious answers, or C: have irrelevant answers. If you know the right questions to ask, you can find the answers that you really need.

I've done a lot of journaling lately, as it helps me process my thoughts and feelings well. And I find myself writing down a lot of questions to God. Thing is, he doesn't seem to be in a hurry to answer most of my questions. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in being frustrated by the silence and mystery of God, am I?

But today as I was reading over some of my biggest questions and bringing them to the Lord again, I realized most of the questions begin with the word "why" and are in regards to the past. And as I stared at the words on the page, I wondered if maybe I was asking the wrong questions.  How would I live differently if I knew these answers? How would my faith be deeper if I I understood everything in my own perspective?

I think it's been good for me to ask my own honest questions - even the wrong ones - to express my heart and cry out to God. But once they've been asked with all my anger and sadness and despair, and I calm down as I sit in silence while God just holds me, I wonder if he's waiting for me to have different questions... Ones he is waiting to answer if I just ask.

I don't know what the questions are yet. I'm trying to be still and rest in his arms for a while. I am asking him now to take my questions and transform them into the questions he would have me ask... Questions that will strengthen my faith in Him and deepen my love of Him, that would draw me into a closer walk with him. Because for all the things I think I want to know, I want to know more of Him most of all.

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